


Hot as hell and no A/C

by blackhighheels



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anger Management, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, References to Depression, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:49:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 60,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24197749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackhighheels/pseuds/blackhighheels
Summary: When a new dance teacher comes to "the friendly community" in the middle of nowhere, he doesn't expect to run into a cute blonde local, who always helps out his deeply religious family and might just be.... gay. And really deep in the closet.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 237
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that while this is a romance, the topics of religion, (internalized) homophobia, depression and stereo types will be heavily featured in this story. If these trigger you in any way, then please don't read!
> 
> Thanks to all the different people who gave me input in the first chapter and helped me out.

**_One_ **

_”Shit, Thacks, look! We so far out in the middle of fucking nowhere, not even the ad signs get used.” Jose says to his cat, who is lying in the passenger's seat looking up at him with a bored expression before he simply goes back to sleep._

_They had left Los Angeles nearly two days ago and have been on the road ever since. They both like it that way and Jose takes the car, and the cat, wherever he can. Even if it’s the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, Texas. For the last three hours he’s driven through vast stretches of absolutely nothing. Even the desert between LA and Vegas might be more populated than this never ending green emptiness._

_He’s close, though. There are houses now, farms, the orchards. Pick-up trucks pass him from time to time. There are horses out on the paddocks, cows out grazing, dogs running around and kids chasing after them._

_‘Welcome to the friendly community’ Jose reads, as he passes the sign that tells him he’s finally reached his destination. There’s also something on it about a corn festival, but he’d rather not think about that too much._

_The one street through town leads him past a liquor store, a gas station, a couple of derelict buildings of which one of them might be an open bar. Another gas station follows after a car shop, silos and what looks like a small grocery store. Then there’s only silos and farms and nothingness again. Fuck, he must have driven past it._

_Once the tractor behind him has passed, he turns the car around and drives back. After he passes the welcome sign again, he realises he has no fucking clue where he is supposed to go. Navigation had stopped working about fifty miles back._

_”This is some fucked up shit, Thacks. I can’t even find the motherfucking studio.” Thackery just yawns and gives a pointed look to his cellphone. ”You right, I’m a dumb ho. I should just call Jason before these howdy motherfuckers shoot my gay ass.”_

_He dials and it takes forever until his friend picks up his phone. It feels even longer because cars that pass him start honking and the children playing on the other side of the road eye him suspiciously. He is painfully aware that his shiny black Porsche Cayenne is just as much out of place here as he is himself._

_”Hey, Jo, what’s up? Where you at?”_

_”Child, if only I knew. I passed some dumbass sign about a corn festival twice now but I can’t find your fucking place."_

_”Oh ok, if you mean the welcome sign, then you’re on the wrong side of town. Just follow the road until you pass the colourful little bakery on the left and the cemetery on the right. Then there’s nothing except some farms for about another ten minutes. And then you can see my dancing studio on the right. It’s the biggest building around, you can’t miss it, cowboy.”_

_”Alright, then Imma be there in a few. You better have a drink ready for me, now that I know where I’ll spend the next eight fucking weeks.”_

_Jason just laughs. ”Girl, you’ll love it here, I swear! And could you stop by Smith’s and bring some bread? Tell Ada it’s for me and she’ll know which one, ok?”_

_”That the grocery story that looks like the roof will come down? With the bright blue, ugly ass door?”_

_”Don’t be such an L.A. bitch, Vanj’! I swear, y’all gonna love it here!”_

_”I wouldn’t bet on it, asshole. I doubt there’s any gay dicks around to suck to make up for this shitty town, cause yours sure as hell doesn’t count for me. See ya!”_

_Once more, he turns the car around and drives past what Jason considers to be a town. Although the old, dirty green pick-up truck in front of him that just off the road suddenly and drives over the fields and grass makes it painfully obvious that this is no fucking town._

_When he gets out of the car in front of the grocery store he notices that it’s really warm and the air smells like the blossoming trees that are all around. In contrast, the shop smells like freshly baked bread which makes his mouth water. It’s been a while since he’s eaten._

_”Hey, y’all. Can I help you?” a woman comes up to him. It’s hard to tell how old she is, but her hair is badly dyed red, her clothes are old and worn, but clean. She has a friendly smile and very pretty blue eyes. The most remarkable thing about her, though, is her huge, pregnant stomach._

_”Hey,” Jose smiles at her and tries to control what comes out of his mouth for once. If he gets into trouble here for running his mouth he’s fucked. ”Jason sent me. Told me to tell Ada he needs some bread. You Ada?”_

_”Yeah, I am.” She waddles away and signals him to follow her. ”You a friend of Jason’s ?” There’s something in the way she says it, that makes him bite his tongue for a second._

_”Yeah, I’m here to teach the spring dance class.” Better keep it professional._

_”Oh lord, then you’re Vanjie, right?” she seems really excited all of a sudden. ”My daughter Rachel is a big fan of yours and’ll be attending the workshop. She’s been looking forward to it for weeks!”_

_Jose wrinkles his forehead, because his workshops are for kids ten and up. ”So that’s not number one?” he asks and points to her pregnant belly._

_Ada laughs loudly. ”No, that’s number seven.”_

_”Seven? Y’all must know how to keep busy around here.” He freezes when he stops to think about what he just said. But then Ada laughs as she passes him the bread._

_”We just believe in accepting what the lord gives to us. However many kids he will bless us with, that’s how many we will have.”_

_Jose doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he just hands her some money for the bread. ”Thanks, Miss Ada. See ya ‘round.”_

_Thackery greets him with a head-bump when he gets back into the car. ”Yeah, you better be glad I’m still alive, bitch. This town is no joke.” He pulls out of the gravel parking space and back onto the road._

_Jason hadn’t lied when he’d said his building was the biggest around. Also the newest, most modern and probably the only one with air-conditioning, by the looks of it._

_”Miss Vanjie, you made it!” he greets him with a big smile and a hug. He looks like a fucking cowboy with his hat and the boots he is wearing._

_”You better believe it. And bitch, you will owe me so fucking much, after this shit is over! ‘Cause, child, this town is way too hillbilly realness for my gay ass!”_

*******

‘… When the world’s all that it should be Blessed be your name. Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering. Blessed be your name.’ Brock hits the button to shut off his alarm clock and whatever crap the Christian Rock station plays in the very early hours of the morning. He doesn’t even really like the station, but he still doesn’t dare to change it. He’s had the same alarm clock with the same radio station since he was fifteen. Sometimes it feels like time stands still within his four walls.

Brock’s eyes already burn with fatigue, even though he hasn’t opened them yet. His arms and legs hurt, his head is pounding and the heaviness that settles in his body every second of every day hasn’t left during this short night’s sleep either.

He wants to sleep and stay in bed, just like every other day. And just like every other day he slowly sits up, grabs some clothes from the dresser and gets ready in the dark. He squints when the light from the porch light hits his eyes as he steps into the hallway. He tiptoes around because he doesn’t want to wake his parents, but the old wooden floorboards creak under his weight anyway. His parents, at least, should get a couple more hours of sleep, even if he can’t.

The cows come first, then the pigs. By the time he gets to the chicken, the sun is rising and the farm comes to life around him.

He takes a moment for himself when he sits down beside the barn door and pets one of the kittens, resting his head against the chipped wood of the door. The little guy has taken a liking to him and sometimes, when his mother isn’t watching he sneaks him into his room, so he has company as he reads or listens to music in the evenings.

With a loud sigh he gets back up after a while. He doesn’t have time to rest and he’s not really looking forward to another argument with his father when he’s barely awake yet.

”Good morning,” Brock greets his parents waiting at the breakfast table, pressing a kiss to his mother’s cheek.

”Morning, Brock. You’re going to say grace today?” she asks him.

”Sure,” he shrugs and sits down. He still feels like a little kid every time she asks this of him. If he had his way they would just start eating. ”Father, we praise You for the nourishment you provide. Thank You for meeting our physical needs of hunger and thirst. Forgive us for taking that simple joy for granted. Bless this food to fuel our bodies forward into your plan for our lives. We pray that we will be energised and be able to work for the glory or your kingdom. In Jesus’ name, amen.” He automatically recites the prayer, but feels nothing as he speaks these words.

”Amen,” his parents both say and Brock can finally eat something after slaving away at the farm for the last three hours.

”Brock, you’re gonna have to hurry up after driving the kids to school today. We have to get the barn roof fixed before the May storms come in.”

”I know. Just, Daniel needs me in the afternoon, so he can keep the deadline for the new annex at the Miller farm.” Since his brother started his construction business, Brock has spent more hours up on roofs than in his own room. But his brother needs his help, because he can’t afford to pay more workers at the moment.

”I need you back at four. Tell him I said so.” His father lays down the law as per usual. Brock just nods and puts his toast down. He’s not hungry anymore. Swallowing the last bite is painful and the familiar heaviness weighing on his chest even makes it hard to breathe.

The day has barely started and already it seems endless and draining. Just like every other damn day in his life. Sometimes, he wishes he could just leave and escape. Be someone else, someone who has some say over their own life and gets to do what he wants to do. Enjoy life just a bit more. Yet, it looks like that’s not the lord’s plan for him.

*******

”Ruthie! Jonathan! Rachel! Uncle Brock is here!” Ada yells with a volume that one wouldn’t expect out of such a small woman.

Every morning when he stops by it’s absolute chaos. The kids can’t find their bags, their homework or their shoes. The younger ones forget to brush their teeth or their hair and the two older ones try and help their mother wrangle them all into the waiting cars, so they can go to school.

Before his sister got pregnant for the seventh time she was somehow able to do it on her own. But now that the school in town has closed and they all need to go to the one, one town over, it’s harder for Ada. She can barely fit behind the wheel anymore and she works too much anyway. Taking care of six kids, with one on the way, managing the household and working full-time at her own grocery store, while her husband is on the road making money as a truck driver, is hard.

Brock wishes they would just stop having kids. Six is too many already and he is scared to think of how many more will come after number seven.

”You ok, Brock? You look tired?” Ada asks him with a worried look in her eyes. He should be used to it by now, but he isn’t. He wishes he could tell her about how exhausted he feels, how trapped, how much his life sucks and how much he wants out.

”Sure. Just didn’t sleep too well.” He says instead and goes to find his nieces himself, just so he can get away from her and her dangerous questions.

Ada kisses each kid goodbye as they leave and he gets a kiss on the cheek as well, as she stays behind with the younger ones, that she will somehow watch at the same time as she works in the grocery store.

”Uncle Brock, guess what!” ten-year-old Rachel says as soon as they are on the road. She always gets to drive shotgun, because she likes to talk to him, while the rest is asleep again in the backseat.

”What?”

”No, guess, guess!” She is so excited she is bouncing in her seat.

”You have to give me a clue, Rach. Otherwise I don’t even know what exactly I’m supposed to guess.”

She sighs, but then gives in ”Ok. But only one!”

”Only one clue.” Brock nods and smiles a bit. He really loves her a whole lot and she always manages to warm his heart.

”It is about what I’ll do next week after school.”

”Uhm… you’ll meet your friends?”

”No.”

”You’ll study every day,” he teases her.

”No.”

”You’ll help grandpa fix the roof.”

”That’s for boys, dummy!” She giggles. ”Imma join Vanjie’s dance class! Momma said yes!”

”What’s a Vanjie?”

”Not what, Uncle Brock, who! He is the bestest dancer who does all the choreography for like Rihanna and Ariana Grande.”

”You know you’re not supposed to listen to that kind of music, right?”

”They play it all the time at Jason’s dance studio. Momma knows that! And she said yes! I think Imma get an autograph from Vanjie!”

”Jason, of course.” Brock tries to keep his tone neutral. He can’t say that he likes Jason very much. It’s not so much that he’s gay - even though that’s wrong too. It’s more the fact that he has to shove it in people’s faces with the way he dresses and talks. Sometimes he has guys over that dress in women’s clothes and wear make up. It’s just… his father calls it an abomination. Still, Jason is a great dance teacher and the kids love him, and so does his niece. How much worse can thisVanjie be?

*******

”Brock! Finally! I thought you’d be here by twelve!” Brock’s brother is already up on the roof, hammering away when he gets there.

”I wanted to, but a new shipment came in at the grocery store and I didn’t want Ada to carry the heavy boxes.”

”How is she? She popped already?” Daniel laughs and hands him the hammer. He takes it when he has found a more secure stand. Brock is afraid of heights and crawling up on roofs every day is not very high on the lists of things he likes to do. But his brother needs help and his family needs the money, so what choice does he have?

”She’s getting bigger every day, but still insists on doing most on her own. I just hope Jack comes back soon.”

”He’s the man, he needs to make the money,” Daniel shrugs. ”Once you get married, the days of just working a bit here and there will be over, too, my friend.” Daniel laughs, but Brock just wants to slap him. If they weren’t up on a damn roof without any safety equipment, he just might have. Instead he grabs a nail and hammers it in with as much force as he can. At least the work up here can be somewhat therapeutic.

He gets to the ninth nail when the head of the hammer flies off and scares Brock so much he nearly falls backward. The metal flies off and hits the ground, where gladly no one is standing.

”Shit! I thought you fixed the tools!” he snaps at his older brother.

”I did! You banging away like a madman doesn’t help. These are damn cheap tools. They’re not meant to be used every day to build houses and roofs.”

”Dan, this is dangerous! I could have killed someone with this! I could have hurt you or myself.”

”You think I don’t know that, Brock? What am I fucking supposed to do? Build me some tools myself?”

”Buy new ones!” Brock yells back. It’s not like anyone is around who could hear them up there.

”Do you have any idea what that shit costs? One roofing hammer costs about 50 bucks and I need at least 6 different ones, and that times two at least! And if I really wanna go somewhere with this business I’ll need a nail gun, too. That alone is nearly two grand. I don’t have that kind of money, kiddo. I have a family and obligations. Not like you!”

”Hey, I don’t have money either! I’ve been saving for months just so I can finally get my truck fixed.”

”So you _do_ have money!”

”Dan… that car breaks down every couple of days and I need it.”

”You could just take ma’s old one.”

”That has no A/C and it’s too small. The kids don’t fit in there when I take them to school.”

”Brock, come on! I’ll pay you back, man.” Brock thinks for a second about just leaning back and letting himself fall. Well, not really.

Or?

Is he really a rotten person, because he doesn’t want to give his brother the money he carefully put aside, so he can finally get the necessary repair on his old car done? A car he desperately needs to drive to the several fields and orchards they have, drive his nieces and nephews back and forth from school and to their extra-curricular and also to get to his brother’s construction sites. And sometimes, just once in a blue moon, he needs the car to drive out into the middle of nowhere and scream out into the night and cry where no-one can see or hear him, so he doesn’t lose his mind.

”Fine. I only have 3 grand, though.” It’s his brother and he has to help him out. That’s what family does.

”Thanks, man! Now back to work so I can be home by dinner time. Lilly’s making stew tonight!”

Brock nods, grabs another hammer and lets out his frustration on the nails. There won’t be any stew for him once he is done here; only more work, more problems, more prayers, more self-doubts and guilt.

*******

”Uncle Brock, you have to come in with me! Pleeeeease!” Rachel begs when they reach the dance studio. His plan was to go home and finally get some sleep, since he was up last night delivering a new foal. His headache is nearly killing him and he probably shouldn’t even be driving, but how can he say no to his favorite niece?

”Fine. I just hope the music isn’t too loud.”

”It has to be loud, otherwise we can’t hear it when we dance,” she skips ahead and holds the door open for him.

It’s not loud music he hears, but a man yelling at TJ Johnson in a volume Brock didn’t think possible. His head pounds, but he can only stare in fascination.

”If you motherfucker ever come in here again and talk smack about mah friend, Imma kick your ugly hillbilly ass, you got me bitch?” he finishes the rant that seems to have gone on for a while if TJ’s dumbfounded expression is any indication. ”Fucking assholes in this motherfucking town.” The guy grumbles and turns around to face them. He’s not that tall, with brown hair, that is styled in some movie stars way, where half of it is missing in the back. He has brown eyes that are dark with anger and tan skin. Brock wonders what his ethnicity is. His arms are full of tattoos and his ears are pierced.

He’s beautiful.

”What the fuck are you staring at, bitch? You got something to say about Jason, too?” he barks at Brock, who can only shake his head as he keeps staring at him.

Then he’s gone, and has disappeared behind the door of the dancing studio.

”Uncle Brock, what does motherfucker mean?” Rachel looks up at him with wide eyes.

”That’s a very bad and nasty word, Rachel. I don’t ever want to hear it coming out of your mouth!” He becomes stern, which is rare.

”But Vanjie said it!”

”If that’s Vanjie then I should maybe talk to your mother, because I’m not sure I want you around this guy!” The pout on Rachel’s face makes him give in and let her join the class for today at least.

As angry and crude as Vanjie just was with TJ, he’s great to the kids, and they seem to have a blast. Brock watches the lesson through the glass window for a while, but at some point the too-warm, sticky air in the studio gets to him and he falls asleep.

*******

”Hey there, sleeping beauty.” Brock opens his eyes and what he sees are two warm, sparkling brown eyes and a large smile.

”Hey,” he says and tries to shake himself awake.

”You ok there, Mary?”

”Yeah, sorry. I was up all night. One of our horses needed help with the birth,” he says, even though that much information isn’t needed at all. It’s not like he owes this guy any explanation. ”Lesson done?”

”Yeah, the kids are just changing.Here,” He hands him a cup of coffee that Brock accepts gratefully. ”You’re with Rachel, right”

”Yes.”

”She’s good.”

”Thanks.” He takes a sip of the coffee and doesn’t really know what else to say. He is surprised when the guy sits down beside him. He smells nice, like cologne and hairspray, even after the training lesson, which Brock finds surprising. However he can’t tell him that.

”I’m Jose.” He holds out his hand.

”You’re Mexican?” It’s curiosity not racism, and he hopes it won’t be mistaken as such.

”Nah, Puerto Rican.” Jose just laughs. ”And you are?” He is still holding out his hand.

”Brock.”

”Nice to meet you, Brock.” He shakes his hand and finds it warm and surprisingly soft. He knows his hands are rough and calloused from the work he does.

”So Vanjie isn’t your actual name?”

Jose snorts. ”Nah… just some stupid nickname given to me by one of my clients. I always made her go all Banjie girl in her videos and for her shows, and ‘cause part of my last name is Vasquez, she started calling me Vanjie. It just stuck.”

The explanation makes absolutely no sense to Brock, butnods anyway. Thankfully, though, he’s saved from saying more by the ringing of his phone.

”Hey Lily,” he greets his sister-in-law, but what she tells him makes his blood run cold. ”Yeah, stay there, I’ll be there as fast as I can,” he tells her and hangs up.

”Can you please get Rachel? My brother fell off a roof and was taken to the hospital. They need me there,” he asks of Jose, who runs off without saying anything. Brock gets up and runs his hands through his hair. This is not good. This could be… he doesn’t even want to think about it. Just the costs alone for the hospital will be too much, for all of them. He feels dizzy, and the room around him starts to spin.

”Hey, you look as white as a sheet. You sure you can drive?” The light touch of Jose’s hand on his arm stops the spinning for a moment. Should he drive? Probably not. He shouldn’t have driven here in the first place. But an hour to the next hospital with Rachel in the car? He’s still so tired. He doesn’t know when he has eaten last. And breathing is still hard.

”I…” he doesn’t know what to say, but he has no choice, really. He needs to get to the hospital.

”I’ll drive you, come on,” Jose is gone for a second and comes back with his wallet and car keys. He grabs Brock’s wrist and takes Rachel by the hand and leads them both outside. Brock doesn’t even know if the car is black or white, only that it smells like leather and cologne. Jose makes sure that everybody is buckled in before he takes off. It never crosses Brock’s mind to refuse the offer, because he’s just too overwhelmed by life at the moment.

Brock manages to give him directions, but otherwise just listens to Vanjie telling Rachel some funny stories to distract her and calm her down. Brock can’t laugh, though, because his mind is going way over speed limit, worrying and calculating already how much more he’ll have to work and what they’ll have to sell to pay for the hospital bills and take care of Daniel’s new business. He doesn’t allow himself to wonder how badly his brothermight be injured. He wouldn't’ be able to take it at the moment.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unbetaed- you've been warned.

**Two**

_”Vanjie, can I have one more hot chocolate?”_

_”Sure, here, Miss Ballerina,” Jose tells little Rachel and hands her his last couple of coins. It’s probably not the best idea to get her so hyped on sugar so late in the evening, but going to the vending machine, typing in the numbers and getting another hot, sweet drink seems to distract the girl from the madness around her. Maybe that’s also why she’ s been stuck to Jose’s side since they left the dancing studio. For once, he’s the calm one. He kind of wants to call his mama and tell her; she’d be so proud._

_Jose looks over to Brock and takes in his hunched over posture. This man’s an absolute mystery and he’d be fascinating to Jose, even if he wasn’t so fucking gorgeous._

_In the car Brock was quiet and visibly shaken. Jose wasn’t able to get any information out of him as to what had happened with his brother. Jose had been chatting with Rachel to distract her during the drive, while Brock only spoke to give directions. Once they’d arrived at the hospital, Brock took over,asked the nurses fordirections to the waiting room and for information on his brother. They' d still been doing some tests on him and hadn't been able to say much, so all three of them went to the waiting room, where Brockmade calls and paced back and forth, as Jose chatted with Rachel._

_After the calls, when Rachel made her first trip to the vending machines, Brock sunk down on a chair and deflated like the air had been let out of him. He looked so small and defeated that Jose had walked over to him and crouched down in front of him._

_”You ok?” he asked him. Brock didn’t answer him with words. Instead, he simply lifted his head and let Jose see his eyes, which were full of tears._

_A moment later Brock’s sister-in-law walked in with his mother and some serious transformer shit went on with him. It really was like watching a fucking episode of transformers when they unfold from the small cars into the big-ass transformer heroes. Brock had unfolded himself, got off the chair took over again; He held his mother, calmed his sister-in-law down, talked to the nurses and doctors, prayed with his family after his mother urged him to, and even played a round of ‘I spy with my little eye’ with Rachel._

_Finally, after whatfelt like for-fucking-ever, but was probably just two hours, Brock’s mother and sister-in-law were asked by the doctors to come with them to see his brother, while Brock was left to take care of the paperwork._

_Jose still finds it odd, that Brock would fill out the paperwork, not that it is any of his damn business._

_Once the papers had been filled out, Brock sunk down on the chair again, folded in on himself and hasn’t changed his position since._

_It’s like seeing two different people: A quiet, depressed and tired one, who is so sad, that Jose can feel the emotion in his own chest squeezing his heart. And then there’s the take-charge kind of guy, who takes care of everyone and everything. Jose just wonders who takes care of Brock._

_Jose looks around to make sure they are still alone, then walks over to him and sits down in the chair next to him._

_”Hey, Mary, how you holding up?” Jose touches his arm gently to get his attention. He doesn’t really expect an answer nor does he need one. ”How ‘bout we drive back home and you get Rachel into bed. It’s kinda late.”_

_”Rachel… oh,” Brock seems to have forgotten that she's still here and looks around the room._

_”She went to get more hot chocolate from the vending machine just outside.”_

_”Oh ok,” Brock nods and finally sits up. ”Uhm, could you take her home? I’ll probably have to spend the night here and see if Daniel needs anything.”_

_”Sure, whatever you want. But, you know, you look pretty dead on your feet. Sure you wanna stay here?”_

_”I have to.” A deep sigh follows his words. ”Maybe you could also take my mom and Lily? I’ll just take their car to drive back tomorrow.” Just then the three women come back and Brock transforms again. ”Hey, so, uhm, Jose will take you all back home and I’ll stay here and take care of things.”_

_”Jose?” his mother asks and looks questioningly at him. She seems to notice him for the first time._

_”He’s Rachel’s new dance teacher and volunteered to drive us here.” Brock justifies him being here, which strikes Jose as odd._

_”Dance teacher? One of Jason’s… friends?” The way Lily asks the question says everything he needs to know about what she thinks about Jason. However this isn't the place to start a fight._

_”Yeah,” Brock just nods and doesn’t pay her tone any mind. ”Drive with him, I’ll stay until the morning.”_

_”You got your I.D with you? They need someone to sign because of all the bills and stuff. I thought, you know,” Lilly speaks again and Jose understands that they expect Brock to takes care of the hospital bills. Brock bites his lip but nods._

_”Don’t come back too late, you know you'll have to help your father with the fence tomorrow or he’ll get upset again.” His mother says as she picks up her purse from the chair. How Brock is supposed to build a fence or some shit after spending the night in one of these fucking hospital chairs is a mystery, but none of Jose’s business, once again._

_”Ladies, y’all are ready to go?” Jose asks instead and holds his hand out for Rachel. He stops in the doorway and looks back. ”Let me know if you need anything, k?” he tells him._

_”Thank you” Brock replies and Jose even gets a small smile. Only when he sits in the car, halfway back home, does Jose remember that he never gave Brock his number._

*******

When he gets back to the house, Brock takes the long way around it, so he can stop by the barn first. He knows his parents will be inside at this time of day, waiting with lunch. He just needs a second before he can face them. As quietly as possible he sneaks inside and is greeted by his favorite kitten, who runs towards him. He picks the small guy up and cuddles him to his chest as he buries his face in the soft fur and lets his tears fall.

”What am I gonna do?” he asks the kitten and sits down on the ground. ”I don’t know what to do. I can’t take on Dan’s business on top of the farm. I just can’t! I’m so fucking tired …I don’t know how to pay his hospital bills. There’s no money left,” he cries and feels a bit comforted when his friend starts purring. ”I don’t wanna do this anymore. I don’t!” For a while he can’t speak anymore as the tears overwhelm him completely.

His head is pounding even worse once he has cried himself out, but overall he feels a bit better. Nothing has changed, nothing is solved, but the soft sounds of the cat help him to calm down. He gives himself another couple of minutes before he washes his face with cold water and makes his way to the main house, that seems bigger and more overwhelming with every step he takes towards it.

”Brock, bring me a beer, will ya?” his father greets him as he walks into the house. He passes the fridge and takes one beer out, grabs a bottle of water for himself and then sits down at the lunch table.

”Did you bring Dan home with you?” his mother asks as she sets the pot down on the table.

”Yes, he’s home now. I dropped him off.” Brock nods and tries to stifle the yawn.

”I’m so relieved. Thank the lord, he is home.” Brock waits until his mother has sat down and said grace before he start to eat.

”Just some bruises and scratches your mother said?” His father asks through his mouth full of bread.

”He has a light concussion and some bruises on his back from the fall. He won’t be able to work for a week or two, but then he’ll be fine,” Brock lets them know.

”You gonna take over now. Shouldn’t be much more work than usual,” his father shrugs unimpressed. ”And he’ll need the money with all the unnecessary hospital bills comin’ in. He shoulda just stayed here. No hospital needed for some damn bruises.”

”It’s a full time job and business. I can’t just take over. Who’s gone do the work around here?” Brock asks and puts his fork down. He is upset by the careless words of his father, both about his brother’s health and his own time and work ethic.

”Don’t raise ya voice to me!” his father barks.

”You can’t let your brother down, Brock! He has three kids, they all need to eat,” His mother speaks at the same time.

”And how are they gonna pay for them bills, if you gonna do nothing?” His father asks. ”How much was that damn hospital visit anyway?”

”About three thousand dollars.”

”How’s Dan supposed to pay for that?How are we supposed to pay for that?” His mother gets upset. Her voice is shaking and Brock can tell that she is close to tears.

”I don’t know,” Brock shrugs helplessly. He’s too tired to come up with anything and it’s the simple truth. He’s no magician who can just make a solution appear, even if that’s what his family seems to expect from him constantly.

”Then you better come up with something, son. You the one with no obligations, wife or kids. You the one who always wanted that school education. Ya better use it for once!” His father gets his usual dig in at him, but Brock is too tired to even care. He just wants to eat his lunch and then get some sleep. Even though that won’t happen for hours and hours.

*******

It’s Sunday and for the third time this week, Brock finds himself sitting in church, listening to yet another sermon that seems endless. He’d rather be in bed at home and catch up on his sleep. Since his brother’s accident he feels like he’s been sleepwalking constantly.

The priest drones on and on and Brock doesn’t really pay attention to what he’s saying. On auto-pilot he says the prayers and sings the songs. Church and religion and belief has lost meaning for him for a long time, but he doesn’t manage to step away from it all completely. What if they’re right? And what if he’s wrong? What if he’s really gonna go to hell? And what if the devil and the modern society has really taken a hold of him and that is why he is… how he is? Flawed and committing sin and … just wrong.

”And therefor we all have to fear a predator, bisexual, cross-dresser or even a homosexual…” he hears and stops listening again. So people should fear him? Or should he fear for himself? He doesn’t want to be what he is, but it’s not like he ever got to choose.

When he had his first crush on a boy as a teenager he didn’t know what to do. He’d prayed, prayed for these feelings to go away. He’d asked his lord what he had done that he was punished this way? Why couldn’t he just like girls and be like everyone else? Then he could have got married young like his brother and sister, had a couple of kids and just be normal. Instead, he was damned to be alone, because he could never live what he was.

Except for this one weekend a year, the weekend of the agricultural show in Houston. He has no interest in the show itself, but that’s the only time when he’s far away from home and in a city big enough that he dares to sneak into one of the gay bars and clubs. For two nights ever year he gives into his forbidden primal urges and follows strangers into the bathrooms or darkrooms where they suck and fuck each other. By morning light of the third day he aways feels horrible and guilty and prays extra hard once he’s back at church. Then he has a whole year to burry what he craves, what sin he wants to live in and what he is.

Gay.

There’ve been days in the past when he wanted to end it all, because he can never be what his family wants him to be. He will never be able to make them happy. And he can never be happy himself, because what would make him happy is a sin in the eyes of god.

Maybe… most likely.

He doesn’t dare to think that everything he was taught to believe, and still doesn’t most days, can all be a lie.

In his early twenties, when he’d been allowed to go to college to become a minister himself - not that he ever wanted to be one - he’d signed himself up for conversation therapy, because he just wanted to be happy and normal. It had been the most horrible six weeks of his life and at the end of it he’d felt more depressed and rotten than ever before; but still gay.

So he’d gone back home where there was less temptation under the watchful eyes of his parents. And they needed his help and the money anyway.

Jason is the only other gay in town and the only one who lives it openly. Sometimes he even comes to church. Brock wishes he had his courage and self-confidence. And another family. He loves his family with all of his heart, but he’s sure the second he’d come out to them, they’d kick him out and he’d be even lonelier than he is now.

God, when was the last timehe hasn’t felt lonely, he wonders and suddenly Vanjie’s face appears crystal clear in his mind. His warm eyes and his smile and the way he’d helped him out and taken care of Rachel. It had been so nice to let someone take over for once and be taken care of, even if it was just for one single car ride to the hospital and a cup of coffee before at the dance studio.

He smiles slightly, remembering the scene. Then he goes back to his careful blank expression, scared that anyone could read his mind. He has to stay away from Vanjie, because the risk is way too high for him. Only a slight rumour is enough to ruin his reputation in the small town.

The intro to another song is played and Brock goes back to thinking nothing and feeling nothing. ”Oh lord my god, when I in awesome wonder, consider all….”

*******

”But uncle Brock, Vanjie said that we’re out if we’re late. He’ll kick me off the workshop! All because of your stupid car!” Rachel kicks another small pebble so that it flies onto the street.

”Hey, I’m sorry, Rach’ but I can’t change it. I’ll explain it to Vanjie, I promise,” Brock says and is glad when finally the dance studio shows up on the horizon. Walking for half an hour with a whiny and angry child isn’t really what he needs or wants. He’d tried to get out of the dance studio duty so he could avoid Vanjie. For the last couple days it had worked.But today he’d run out of luck, because Ada wasn’t feeling well and he had to take Rachel and then his fucking car didn’t start.

”Everybody will laugh about me and I won’t be allowed to dance with them today,” she sniffs. There’s nothing else he can do or say, that he hadn’t said during the last half hour, so he just remains silent.

When they get to the studio Jason takes one look at the both of them and tells Rachel to get changed really quick and then join the class. Through the class window he sees that Vanjie sends her to the back of the class, even though she usually stands front and centre. He really needs to talk to him and explain that it’s his fault. For now he can only watch the class with the rest of the dance moms. Vanjie looks even better today than when he last saw him. He’s wearing black sweats and a tank top that is way to big on him and shows his chest. Brock lets his eyes wander over the caramel skin and wishes he was allowed to touch it and kiss it.

He quickly snaps himself out of it and tries to keep his eyes on Rachel from then on. What if anyone observed him and knew what he was doing? What if it showed on his face what he is thinking about?

When the class is over and the girls go change, Brock sneaks into the otherwise empty classroom, where Vanjie is digging through his large sports bag.

”Hey uhm, can I talk to you for a second?”

”Hey, Brock!” Jose turns around with a wide smile on his face, that leaves Brock tongue tied. For a moment they just look at each other. ”How are you? How is your brother?”

”Good, pretty banged up from the fall and black and blue, but beside the concussion nothing too serious.”

”I’m glad to hear that, mama.” He puts his hands on his hips and cocks his head to the side. ”And how are you?”

”I’m fine,” Brock lies. ”But, like… Rachel was really upset because we were late today and like, I just wanted to tell ya that it wasn’t her fault.”

”That don’t matter. Late is late,” Jose shrugs.

”Does that mean that she gets kicked off the workshop?”

”Nah, I just say that to scare them little kiddos and get some respect, ya know,” Jose smirks. ”But,” he adds then, ”what’s the excuse?”

”My car broke down again and we had to walk here.”

”Walked? In this fucking wilderness? Aren’t ya scared ‘bout getting attacked by some coyote or some shit?”

Brock laughs. ”There’s no coyotes around here.”

”Rattlesnakes? Spiders? Tigers?” Jose has to laugh about his own bullshit.

”No, not really.”

”Ya gonna make Rachel walk all the way back now? After leg day today? Ya one tough daddy,” Jose snorts.

”Daddy?” Brock cackles. ”She’s my niece.”

”Really? Coulda fooled me. Same sparkly green-blue eyes,” Jose smirks and the way he looks at him makes Brock nervous. If his hot cheeks are any indication, he even blushes.

”Uncle Brock, I’m ready,” Rachel saves him.

”Hey, Rachel, I heard you had to walk here. How ‘bout I give you two ladies a ride back?” Jose turns to his niece.

”Uh, that’s really not,” Brock tries to decline.

”Yay! Thank you Vanjie!” Rachel yells excitedly and takes the decision out of Brock’s hands. ”But uncle Brock’s no lady!”

”He’s not? An old grandma?”

Rachel screams with laughter. ”He’s not a girl!”

”Reeeeally? Ya Sure, Miss Rachel? But he’s got real pretty eyes… and look at these legs! Dang!” Jose makes Rachel giggle again as they walk out of the room. Jose stops in the doorway. ”Ya coming, Miss Thing?” he asks Brock. He knows he should stop this and he knows it’s wrong, but Jose’s sassy expression and the way he looks at him just make him chuckle as he hurries after them to the car.

*******

”Miss Rachel, slow down. I’m old, ya know,” Jose jokes as they follow the girl to his car. She’s so excited, that she’s run ahead, even after the exhausting training session Jose just puts the kids through.

”Jose, you really don’t have to drive us home again. It’s not necessary.” Brock tells him for the tenth time that night and probably the thirtieth over the last three days.

”But he promised me ice cream, because I won and could do the backwards handspring!” Rachel knows and jumps into the backseat when Jose pushes the button so the car opens.

”She’s right, you know. I owe her. You can pay for ya own damn ice-cream, if you insist,” Jose teases him and gets into the car as well. Brock chuckles and follows, it’s not like he has a choice anyway.

Jose has been driving them home for the last four daysand even though Brock is embarrassed that Jose feels obligated to do that, he still enjoys the time he gets to spend with him. Jose is funny and kind and never boring. Everything feels lighter when he is with him and in his presence he is able to forget about his crappy life and his problems. When he is with him, Brock feels like he can be himself, without having to pretend to be manlier than he is, or less sensitive or more religious. Jose doesn’t care about any of it.

He always asks about his family, he always seems genuinely interested in how his days went. Sometimes he asks for his opinion about random things like food, music or movies; although Brock rarely knows any of the movies he talks about. Sometimes Brock wishes they could talk about other things, deeper things, just the two of them; but Rachel is always in the backseat and joins their conversation as she pleases, not that it really bothers them.

Brock gets his wish sooner than he thought, when Rachel runs off to a set of swings on the playgrounds once she has demolished her ice-cream, while he and Jose sit at a table and watch her, both eating very slowly.

”Have you ever left this town?” Jose asks him suddenly.

”Yeah, every now and then. I went to college in Dallas for a couple of months, but then had to come back, because my family needed me here and I wasn’t really interested in becoming a minister,” he admits out loud, maybe for the first time ever.

”You really religious, huh? Like, your family and all?”

”Yes, I guess we are. I just… it’s normal for me, you know? Like, I’ve never known anything else. You don’t believe in god?”

”I’m catholic, but I’m rarely at church. Only when my mama drags my ass there for Christmas.” Jose seems to think about how to continue. ”Sometimes, when things are shit, I pray. And then I forget again.” Jose chuckles and Brock has to laugh with him. ”In L.A. you get away with shit like that.”

”Why are you here anyway?” Brock stops when he realises how this question sounds. ”I mean, like, this is not the place I’d expect a world famous choreographer to show up in.”

”How do you know I’m a world famous choreographer? I could be shit.” Jose asks him sassily.

”I’m quoting Rachel.” Brock gets slightly nervous under Jose’s sudden scrutiny.

”Jason’s an old friend of mine and I owed him a favour. Couple of years ago, when I wasn’t as rich and famous,” Jose winks at him and Brock’s heart nearly jumps out of his chest and his palms get sweaty, ”and my ex kicked me out, Jason helped me out and took me in and I must’ve said something like ‘I owe you’. Now that he’s here and his back's all fucked up, he couldn’t do the workshop and so he came to cash his cheque.”

”So you lived together?” Brock doesn’t know where the question is coming from, but now it’s out there.

”Just roomies,” Jose’s laughter is loud and echoes over the nearly empty terrace they are sitting on. ”Jason’s got his man in New York. They been doing the long distance shit for a long time, ‘cause Jason wants to stay here and Chris' working in New York.”

”I didn’t know that.” Brock has known Jason nearly all of his life, but he’s never really talked to himand knows basically nothing about him.

”People here aren’t too kind to people like Jason…. Or me. We too extra, too girly, too much, too… gay. That why I could never live here. I don’t wanna get stuck in no closet again, ya know? I don’t know how Jason does it.” Suddenly the look in Jose’s eyes changes and becomes probing as he looks directly at Brock. ”Or other people. It’s fucking hard when you can’t be yourself because of your family or religion or some other shit. I get it. I guess we’ve all been there. But….” Brock has to look away and break the eye contact. He feels like Jose can look right into his mind and heart. If Jose suspects…

NO, he can’t!

Nobody knows and surely Jose doesn’t either. It'd ruin everything. But what if…? Brock feels panic rising in his chest as his throat constricts and breathing gets harder.

Jose’s warm hand comes to rest on top of his ice-cold one and when he speaks, his voice is calm and barely above a whisper. ”Calm down, boo… Just… if you ever wanna talk…about anything...”. Jose doesn’t finish his sentence, but it’s clear what he's just offered. The unspoken words hang between them and feel dangerous and comforting at the same time.Brock should freak out.

However, Jose's hand that is resting on his, is calming and so he simply gives Jose a tiny smile in return. They eat the rest of their ice-cream in silence.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

_Jose knows it might not be the best idea to come to this run down bar, but he is bored and he needs a drink. Since he left Los Angeles he hasn’t been to any clubs or bars and this shack is the only thing nearby in the middle of motherfucking nowhere._

_The offer is somewhat limited and so he orders a whiskey, since that seems to be the only thing they have beside shots and beer. He remains sitting at the bar and the woman behind it, Lindsey, is a hoot and he likes talking to her. From what she’s telling him she used to be the queen bee around here, about forty years ago, until she got pregnant too young and out of wedlock and found herself working in this bar to keep a roof over her head and care for her son._

_He's so engrossed in Lindsey’s stories that it takes him a while to realise that a couple of guys by the pool table are talking about him. The words ”Faggot”, ”Gay” and ”cocksucker” are a dead give away and he doesn’t think they’d say that about anyone but him around here._

_”Hey, assholes! Got a problem with my gay ass?” He yells at them. It might be the alcohol or simply his frustration about the town and what it does to people, but he isn’t willing to just take it and keep his mouth shut. And he’s not afraid of them. He’s had his share of fights in his life, both because of the area he grew up in and also because of him being so obviously gay._

_The four men, or boys, come closer and he can already smell the cloud of beer that surrounds them._

_”Did you faggot just call us assholes?”_

_”If you’re the assholes who just talked smack about me, then yeah, I did.” He turns around in his bar stool and is glad that it gives him a bit of a height advantage._

_”You better watch your mouth you filthy cocksucker.”_

_”Mmmh…. Sucking dick's only filthy when it’s done right. You ever tried it?”_

_Jose expects a punch or kick, maybe something thrown his way. He doesn’t expect one of the guys spitting right into his face._

_”Guys like you are dirt and god will take care of you,” the smallest one says. He seems to be the believer amongst them._

_Jose doesn’t want to talk anymore though. They just spit at him. He’s done talking. Before the god-fearing idiot has even finished speaking, Jose smacks the fucker who spit at him right across the face with the back of his hand._

_”Imma end you, you motherfuckers. No one spits at me, bitch! You got hands, show me! Show me!” he yells, as blood drips from the drunken teenager’s nose._

_”Hey!” Lindsey grabs him from behind. ”No fights in my bar. House rule. If you really wanna beat each other up, take it outside. But I’d advise all of y’all to just leave it. You four shouldn’t even be in here or drinking, and you,” she turns to Jose ”better not make more enemies than necessary while ya here. This is a small town.” Jose looks at the four teenagers in front of him, then throws a couple of dollars on the bar and leaves. So much for grabbing a drink and enjoying a night out._

***

Brock walks out of the stable when he hears a voice he would recognise everywhere. He also knows the car parked in their driveway.

”Fuck,” he curses quietly and hurries towards the house, wiping his hands on an old rag as panic settles in his stomach. This can’t be happening! Also, he is painfully aware that his hair is a mess, he is sweaty, dirty and his clothes are stained. Usually when he sees Jose, he at least gets a chance to shower beforehand.

For the last two weeks Jose has driven Rachel and him home after each dance practise. Sometimes they stop for ice cream or food on the way back. Brock is aware that Jose only makes little bets with Rachel, bets he always loses, and then has to invite them to whatever it is he promised her. Brock wouldn’t be able to buy ice-cream and take-out three or four times a week for three people.

The time he spends with Jose and Rachel has become the highlight of his life. He doesn’t mind walking half an hour to a dance studio and then watch for nearly two hours in the overheated studio as his niece prances around the room with other girls. The short drive back with Jose makes it all worth while.

He is the funniest and kindest guy Brock’s ever met. It feels a bit like having a friend, a real friend for once, and Jose is probably the only person he can really be himself with. He can giggle when he feels like it, talk with his hands and even admit that he likes colourful sprinkles on top of his ice-cream.

However, none of it explains why Jose is here now, parked in front of his parents’ house. It’s already too late, Brock realises when he makes his way around the front-porch and find both his mother and father standing on the porch talking to Jose.

”Aw, that’s too bad you can’t tell me. Thought I’d save them the long walk, now that I’m in town anyway.”

”Sorry, we can’t help ya,” his father says in a brusk tone.

”Ok, never mind. Thanks anyway,” Jose turns around to leave. That’s when he spots Brock. Immediately Jose’s face lights up. He is looking really good today, wearing a white wife-beater, a short black and red flannel shirt and tiny blackshorts. ”Hey Brock!”

”Hello,” Brock replies as neutral as possible and it takes a lot not to return the smile. He is very aware that his parents are watching their interaction with stony expressions. ”What are you doing here?”

”Thought I’d ask you and Rachel if I should drive you to dance practice today. I have to take care of some shit here in town and could take you back with me. Don’t think ya got your car fixed yet, huh?” Jose still smiles and casually leans against his Porsche. He looks like someone straight out of an ad or a tv show. Already Brock’s stomach tightens because he knows what he has to do.

”I’m sorry Sir, but that’s not necessary. Rachel and I can manage on our own. Thank you for the kind offer though,” he declines and watches the smile melt off Jose’s face when the icy tone of Brock’s voice registers with him.

”Brock! You know him?” His mother asks. She sounds surprised. What did she think? That some stranger would just show up and offer driving him and Rachel?

”This is Jose. He is Rachel’s dance teacher for the next couple of weeks. Jason hurt himself.” He informs both of his parents.

”You done with the hay?” His father stops any further explanation.

”No, not yet. I just heard voices and thought I’d check on ya.”

”I don’t need ya checking, that’s what we got guns for. I need ya working!” His father barks.

”I better get going,” Jose says quietly and his eyes appear to be so large and defeated that Brock nearly drowns in them.

”Thank you again for the offer but we can manage,” he says and softens his tone. He doesn’t want to decline. If he had a choice, he’d gladly drive around in Jose’s car all day and talk to him about everything and nothing. But it’s not an option he has.

He can’t move, he can’t do anything when he watches Jose get into the car and then drive off, leaving dust and a hint of cologne in the air.

”Don’t ya have work to do?!” his father asks him from the porch and snaps him out of his daze. Quickly he hurries back to the stable to work, to hide and to hopefully forget about the scene he was just a part of. He swallows a couple of times to keep the tears inside that his stupid overly emotional heart wants him to cry for how he just treated Jose.

***

”Care to tell us what that guy wanted today?” Brock’s father asks as soon as he sits down at the table for lunch.

”I told you, he’s Rachel’s dance teacher and I know nothing more than you do. He wanted to drive us to her dance class.”

”How’d he know your car's broken?”

”We were late a couple of times,” Brock sighs and takes a piece of bread, rips a piece off and stuffs it in his mouth so the words he really wants to speak won’t burst out.

”I don’t like ya hanging with that folk! It’s bad enough that Ada allows Rachel to take dance lessons at that place. You being around these faggots a couple o’times a week… ya know what the people in town gonna say if they see this gay guy here? Ya know what the minister’s gonna say? You stay away from them, ya hear me!” His father is basically yelling at this point.

”I take Rachel to dance class because no one else has the time to do so, not because I wanna hang out there. I don’t know this guy any better than I know Jason, so what’s the big deal? He is a good teacher and Rachel likes him.”

”Stop eating before we said grace!” His father slaps the bread out of his hand, which drops to the floor. ”And Rachel shouldn't be anywhere around these faggots, this music or these whore dance moves! It’s not right! Their lifestyle and everything they do's offensive to the lord and every god fearing Christian. They don’t belong here and I want none of my family have anything to do with them. If you wanna hang out with these sinners you get your ass out of my house and better never come back.” Now his father is really yelling.

”How else is Rachel supposed to get there? By the time the lessons are done it’s dark out. It’s too far for her to go on her own. It’s not safe!”

”If I had a say in it she wouldn’t go there at all! But ya sister is letting her kids do whatever! If she lets them run with the wrong crowd, they should know what’s waiting for them!”

It’s nothing Brock hasn’t heard before. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen or felt before. He knows if he speaks another word now the fight will most likely become physical. Brock has never raised a hand against his father, but for a while now he’s taken to defending himself and his mother when the beer gets to his father’s head again.

He hates how he judges Jose without even knowing him. He even hates him for judging Jason. For a split second he wants to scream at him that he's a sinner himself, gay like them and that even all the beatings he got as a child and teenager didn’t take it out of him.

Then he glances at his mother and her wide, scared eyes let him bite his tongue and lower his head. ”I’ll tell Ada I can’t take Rachel anymore.” He leans over and picks the bread up off the floor and uses the second to wipe his face clean of any emotion. Fury is still burning in his gut, nearly making him sick as he swallows it down and nearly chokes on it.

This is not the time though, not the time to risk it all for nothing. Jose will be gone again in about three weeks and their tentative friendship will become only a memory. What does it matter if he stops it all now, goes back to life how it was before Jose got here and starts living his harsh reality again three weeks earlier? His father probably just saved him a lot of pain and heartache. Brock knows that Jose and his friendships means too much already and he’s gotten too used to it.

”Good. Brock, can you say grace?” His mother ends the discussion with a grateful look and Brock knows he's made the right decision.

***

”Hey, uncle Brock,” Rachel greets him after the mass on Sunday, when they are all still standing in front of the church.

”Hey honey,” he smiles.

”Can you take a look at my bike? The breaks' not working and mommy can’t fix it,” she asks him and of course Brock follows her to her bike on the other side of the lawn. He doesn’t care that his good pants get dirty as he kneels down beside the small bike. It’s more important that his niece has a functioning bike, now that she has to ride it to dance practise and back. Brock doesn’t like it. He worries about her constantly, but there is nothing he can do.

”It’s just a bit loose, honey, that’s easily fixed,” he assures her.

”Thank you!”

”Do your lights work? I don’t like you riding your bike in the dark after practise, so we have to make sure at least these are working.”

”Can I tell you a secret?” Rachel whispers after checking that they are alone.

”Always.”

”I’m not driving back on my bike. Vanjie takes me until we reach our house and then waits with the lights turned off until he knows I’m safely inside.”

Brock feels a warmth spreading through him that nearly knocks him on his ass. He grasps the bike to keep his balance. He should have known Jose would make sure Rachel is safe. It’s so much like him that Brock feels like weeping. It’s only been three days, but he already misses their talks so much and hearing about how he cares for his niece only makes him miss Jose more. If only he could just talk to him sometimes.

”That’s very nice of Vanjie. He’s a very good guy,” Brock tells her just as quietly as she told him her secret.

”Then why do you hate him?”

”What? What makes you think I hate him?” he asks surprised and slowly gets up.

”Vanjie asked why you not taking me anymore and if you’re sick or something. I told him ‘bout the stuff grandpa said and that you can’t take me ‘cause they’re offensive and sinners and you don’t wanna be around him and can’t be his friend.”

Brock nearly crumbles to the ground for real this time. ”Rachel, how do you know about that talk?”

”I wanted to see you but then I heard the yelling through the open window and ran off. I don’t like grandpa when he’s mean like that.”

He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his curls. There are so many things wrong with what Rachel just said and what she overheard. But there are also things he can maybe fix.

”Honey, I don’t agree with grandpa. Vanjie is a very good and nice guy and don’t let anyone tell you anything else about him or Jason, ok? ” Rachel nods her head. ”The only reason why I’m not taking you anymore is because grandpa gets very upset about these things and he’s scared that people will say mean things about me in town.”

”Like the things they say about Jason?”

”Yeah, like that. And he doesn’t want that for me or any of us. And I don’t want to make grandpa angry.”

”Uncle Brock? I like Jason and Vanjie.”

”That’s good. Make sure you tell them. They sure need to hear it.” He strokes his hand over Rachel’s strawberry blond hair.

”Will you tell them, too? Vanjie was really sad that you not there anymore. He said, he thought you was his friend.”

”I’ll tell him,” Brock agrees.

”Promise?” Rachel goes in for the kill.

”Promise,” he says and knows he now really doesn’t have choice but to talk to Jose. Rachel will know.

***

He waits until his parents are in bed and then sneaks outside to the orchard behind their house. It’s far enough so he won’t be overheard, dark enough so he won’t be seen and close enough to the cellphone tower so he’ll have reception.

Jose has given him his phone number the first week, but he has never used it and he hasn’t given him his own. It simply hadn’t been necessary. Jose said to use the number if he needed a ride or if Rachel couldn’t come to practise. Brock had no such excuse for giving him his number.

He takes a couple of deep breaths and then finally brings his thumb down on the dial button.

”Hello?” Jose picks up after only a couple of rings.

”Hey, uhm, it’s me, Brock,” he stutters and feels stupid already.

”What’d ya want, Sir?” Jose’s tone is snide and Brock knows he deserves it.

”Rachel told me she talked to you and I think I need to clear some things up.”

”You made it more than crystal yourself what you really think about me. Ya don’t need to drag Rachel into this.”

”I’m not! I just think, like… it’s not what it seems.”

”So you not avoiding me like the plague ‘cause your father’s a bigot asshole who thinks just talking to me will sully your reputation?” Jose is yelling at him through the phone, then he suddenly stops. When he continues his voice carries the hurt he must be feeling. ”God, I hate this motherfucking town and all of y’all religious lying assholes.”

”I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. You’re so nice to Rachel and to me and helped us out so much and just…I’m sorry.”

”If you’re really sorry you’d have come here and told me this shit in person like a man. But I guess you just as much of a weaselly liar as the rest of these fucked up wanna be cowboys in this town. Grow up, start thinking for ya’self and learn how to make an apology real.”Jose hangs up on him and Brock stares disbelievingly at his phone.

At first he is shocked and sad. He’s just lost the only friend who really knew him. Not only that, but he also thinks badly about him now. How can he think that Brock agrees with his father? He must know that he doesn’t have a choice, right? He thought Jose knows… That’s when Brock gets angry himself. He is so sick of all of these people and their opinions about him and his life and what he is supposed to do and to think. He’s used to it from his family and the town and the parish. But Jose? How dare he!

Before he really knows what he is doing, he has run inside, grabbed his mother’s car keys and is on the way to the dance studio. Jose wants him to talk to him in person? He can have it!

***

Brock bangs on the front-door and his hand is still in the air when the door is ripped open.

”What the fuck are you doing here, bitch?”

”You told me to talk to you in person, didn’t you?” Brock raises his voice as well.

”Aaaah and of course the good little christian boy always does what he is told,” Jose sneers. For a second Brock wants to punch him. Instead he pushes past him into the apartment. Jason or whoever else is around, really doesn’t need to hear this conversation.

Jose lets the door falls shut and crosses his arms over his chest. ” Say what you gotta say, then leave.”

”Why are you acting like this?”

”Acting? Acting bitch! Imma show you who’s acting! You lucky I’m not kicking your ass right now for pretending to be my friend, acting all nice and cute while we eating ice cream and then you suddenly stabbing me in the back, pretending you don’t fucking know me and stop talking to me without any explanation. I don’t need any more backstabbing hoes in my life.”

”Do you have any idea what my father would have done, if he knew we were hanging out after dance practice? If he knew we were so much as talking on the regular? I don’t know who he would have shot first, you or me!”

"I’m not scared of your asshole father. I don’t give a shit about him! But I give a shit about loyalty. And you not who I thought you were! You not fucking loyal! If you’d been at that fucking bar last week, you’d have spat on me too and tried to beat me up, just ‘cause you scared of your father. You pathetic!” Jose is full on screaming at him now.

”So you got a taste of what it’s like to live here for one night? Do you know what it’s like to live here every fucking day of your fucking life? When they beat me up as a kid ‘cause I was too girly, my dad beat me up again when I got home. They threw rocks at me, spat at me and slapped me all the way through school. I couldn’t tell my parents, the teachers didn’t care and I didn’t even understand what the fuck was wrong with me!” Brock starts pacing in the small living room.

”You’re the only person who knows. The only person who knows that I’m…” he can barely get the word over his lips. ”…that I’m gay.” There, he’s said it out loud for the first time in his life. Well, yelled it at Jose. ”And you know what happens when that gets out? When only a rumour will spread? What you experienced at the bar will be my life every fucking day and worse. My parents will kick me out, I’ll lose all of my family and I’ll have nothing, NOTHING left. Maybe that’s what I deserve for being that way, maybe that’s really god’s way of punishment. But I’d rather live a lie every day for the rest of my fucking life than to lose the little I have left.” Tears are dripping from Brock’s chin by the end of his confession. He’s laid it all out now to Jose, a guy he barely knows and just because he’s the first one who has shown him any kindness. Fuck! What if… what if he tells people? What if he is so angry he will take revenge and..

”Hey, it’s ok. I understand,” Jose is suddenly standing in front of him and places his hands on his upper arms. That’s when Brock realises he’s shaking. ”It’s ok.” Jose tries to wipe his tears away with the back of his hands, but they fall faster than he can wipe them off. ”Come here, boo, sit down. You still shaking like a fucking tree,” he says. Brock has to laugh about the mishap.

”Leaf,” he corrects through his tears and hiccups.

”Smart ass. Imma get you some water,” Jose smiles and disappears for a moment, before he comes back with a bottle of water and some tissues. Brock takes the water and drinks it down, before he accepts the tissues and dries his face and his eyes.

He feels stupid now for getting so upset, for crying, for yelling all of his secrets at Jose and for coming here in the first place. ”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…” he starts but Jose stops him.

”You know what, boo? You look like you need a hug. That ok?” Jose asks him with a tender and worried look.

”I’m not good at hugging,” Brock shrugs self-deprecatingly and looks down.

”You lucky, ‘cause I’m the best at giving hugs.” A moment later Jose slowly pulls him in his arms and hugs him tightly. It’s a strange feeling for Brock and he can’t remember when he has ever hugged anyone other than his sister or his nieces and nephews. Then however, he slowly relaxes against Jose’s warm body and lets the last couple of tears fall.

So this is what it feels like, he thinks. It’s nice and soothing, comfortable and exciting. He feels safe and cared for. Jose starts running his hands up and down his back and if Brock could, he would start purring like his favorite kitten. He closes his eyes and enjoys the feeling.

After a while, he turns his head, his nose bumps against Jose’s neck and the scent of cologne gets stronger. Jose’s hand slides up his neck and into his hair. When Brock looks up and their eyes meet, it only takes a split second and then Jose brushes his lips against his. It’s not even a peck, more like a butterfly like touch, but Brock wants more. He stops thinking as he leans up and captures Jose’s mouth in a soft kiss.

When he pulls back his brain suddenly starts working again and he jumps back. ”Oh my god!” he covers his tingling lips with his hand and stares at Jose.

”Please tell me that’s not been your first kiss,” Jose begs, equally wide eyed.

”No! But.. Like… we can’t do this. I can’t..not… here… I’m…”

”It’s ok, Brock. It don’t gotta mean nothing. You can go back to ignoring me now. I get it, I promise. No hard feelings.” The hurt in Jose’s voice tells Brock something else though.

”I don’t wanna ignore you.” He tells him honestly. ”But I can’t… do this here. It’s too risky.”

”Alright. Friends then?” Jose smiles.

”Friends,” Brock nods. ”Just… no one can know.”

”‘Cause I’m too fucking gay for this town, I know, Miss Thing. Then you better get your secretly gay ass outta here, before anyone sees you.” The words are harsh, but the smirk on Jose’s face and the hug he gives him, let Brock know he really means it.

”We could get ice cream again some time?” Brock suggests when he is already halfway out the door.

”Text me tomorrow if you still feeling that typa way and we can do that.” They smile at each other for a moment and if Brock wasn’t such a coward he’d kiss him again. Instead he quickly leaves and vows to himself that he will text Jose in the morning and make sure he won’t lose the only friend who now really knows all of his dirty secrets and still likes him. Despite it all. Maybe because of it.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

_”Morning Jay,” Jose says as he shuffles into the kitchen. His hair is sticking up in all directions and his eyes are barely open, even though it’s already close to eleven. He desperately needs some coffee or this day will be a complete mess._

_”Good morning, sunshine. Don’t you look chipper this morning.” Jason chuckles and thankfully hands him the much needed caffeine._

_”Shut up, asshole,” Jose grumbles anyway as he takes the mug. He sighs as the sweet and hot liquid explodes on his tongue.”I didn’t go to bed until like four in the fucking morning .” He adds once he has swallowed._

_”You want me to pretend I didn’t hear every word that was yelled last night or are we gonna talk about it?” Jason asks and makes Jose look up at him, before he drops his head on his arm on the counter._

_”Fuck,” he groans. Brock is going to kill him, if he finds out. ”Please, promise me you gonna keep every word to yourself.”_

_”Goes without saying. I like Brock. Never thought he’s playing for our team, but he’s a nice guy. Together with Ada he’s the only person in the Hytes family, who isn’t an absolute fucked up asshole.”_

_”I don’t know them, only Rachel. Well, and his parents from talking to them for about a second the other day.”_

_”You better stay away from them Vanj’. Brock has a reason to be scared. If his dad finds out he’s talking to us, he’s in for a lot of trouble.”_

_”What do ya mean? Like, he’s beating him up or some shit?” Now Jose gets really worried._

_”I don’t know. I don’t think he’s physically able to do it anymore, ‘cause he had a heart attack a couple of years ago and can’t do any hard labor since then, but when we were kids…” Jason scrunches up his face. ”Brock’s older brother, Dan, is my age and we were in one class. He’s an idiot, who got hit in the head fighting one too many times. But I’ll always remember the day when we all went swimming after school and I got invited for whatever reason. We must have been like fifteen or something. Dan had marks all over the back ofhis thighs. I asked him what had happened and he replied that his dad had caught him making out with a girl after church and had beaten him with a belt. He said it like it was completely normal. I told him I thought it was fucked up and he nearly beat me up for saying that, ‘cause the asshole minister preaches that it’s normal to beat your kids and that kids aren’t allowed to cry and shit like that.”_

_”Shiiit, mami.” Jose hisses. This is a lot worse than what he imagined was going on._

_”All three of them always had like bruises and were real scared of their dad. People are talking ‘round here and they say that he also beat his wife.Brock was the smallest and used to cry a lot as a little kid. I think he must have had it real rough at home. Now that I know that he’s gay, I don’t really get why he ever came back. The whole family basically lives at church. Ada got married when she was just sixteen and I think it was more to get away from her dad. Joe, her husband’s a good guy though. Not the sharpest knife, but he’s good to her. Since they got married she’s been popping out one kid after the next. Dan’s married to the minister’s daughter and she’s just as narrow minded as him. I don’t think she ever cut her hair and like, only wears skirts. When they were courting, they went on some missions and shit, then came back and now they’re trying to have as many kids as Ada or more. There’s no music in their house other than gospel. They don’t own a tv. When we were still at school they believed in creationism and I think they still only fuck to make more babies. Brock’s always been the most normal out of them. Now knowing that he’s gay kind of explains why he hasn’t got married yet, even though they’ve been trying to set him up with church girls for years. I always thought he might get back to his studies once their finances got better.”_

_”He said he didn’t wanna be a minister and that his family needed him or some shit. But child…. Now I really wanna take him out of here and … I dunno,” Jose mumbles the last part. He really doesn’t know. He wants to protect Brock, take care of him, look after him and make him smile. He wants to see him laughing, not crying. He wants him to be not tired for just one day. He wants him to relax and be happy. He wants to hold him and kiss him. He wants to be with him. But that’s all stuff that he can’t tell Jason, because he’d look like a fucking idiot who’s fallen for the wrong guy once again._

_”He’s a good guy and if he opens up to you like this… girl, he must really like ya. But Brock will never leave his family and you’ll be gone in another three weeks. So you might wanna think about what you’re offering. You’ll be gone, but he has to stay and live here.” Jason’s warning rings loud and clear in his mind, but also makes his stomach clench painfully._

_”I know,” Jose sighs and puts his coffee down. All of a sudden, it makes him feel nauseous._

_”Fuck, Jo, I can see on your face how much you like him. Just… be careful, k? If not for yourself and your romantic heart, then do it for him.”_

_Jose just sighs again. Last night he lay awake and dreamt with open eyes of what he could do with Brock and how he could make him fall for him._

_Now he knows that would be even more of a fucked up idea than he initially thought. He can’t be more than friends with Brock, no matter how much he hates it. He only has three more weeks left here and Jose wants to take his own heart back to L.A. with him, in one piece if possible._

_His phone beeps and when he takes it out of his pocket he sees a text from Brock. He is dimly aware that he’s smiling like a damn fool._

_***_

Brock is proud of himself that he had the courage to really text Jose in the morning. After a bit of an awkward back and forth about where and when they could hang out, they decided the easiest way was, if Jose just came out to where Brock was working today. It’s an old ranch in the middle of nowhere that Daniel is renovating for a client. Well, was renovating before his accident. Now Brock has to at least fix the roof and the porch so Dan can continue once he’s better.

Brock is so giddy with excitement that he forgets the hammer twice as he crawls up on the roof.

Around lunch time he can see Jose’s fancy car slowly rolling up the dusty pathway even from afar. No one else around here drives a car that expensive. When Jose gets closer, Brock waves and forgets his fear of heights for a second, as he lets go of the wooden beam he’s sitting on.

”Child, you better come down here, ‘cause I’m sure as fuck not crawling up there!” Jose yells as soon as he gets out of his car.

”I’m coming, I’m coming,” Brock chuckles and carefully makes his way over to the ladder and down to the ground. This is not the time to fall and break his neck, if there ever was one.

When he gets down, Jose is holding a large basket and a blanket. ”Brought us some food,” he smirks and holds up the basket.

”Thank you.” Brock’s cheeks heat, but he doesn’t really mind it. He’s been out in the sun all morning so most likely he’s all red anyway. ”We can sit over there in the shade if you want.”

”Dang, I thought I could get my tan on,” Jose complains.

”Oh ok, we can stay in the sun then.”

”Idiot, I’m just fucking with ya! You really think I’d like to sit in the fucking heat? Especially when I have to spend my afternoons and evenings in a building with a fucked up A/C?” Jose is laughing and bumps his shoulder into his, before he leads the way and spreads the blanket out in the shade. The spot has another advantage: It can’t be seen from the small pathway, should anyone else come up here.

”I thought Jason got the A/C fixed?”

”He did… for about a day. Then the damn thing broke again. I’m sweaty as fuck from simply teaching them kiddos.” Jose opens the basket he’s brought and starts unpacking. ”Don’t worry, I didn’t cook any of this shit myself. I stopped by your sister’s store.”

”I knew this looked familiar,” Brock laughs and picks up one of the rolls Jose’s brought. ”You really didn’t have to do this though. One more thing I owe you for.”

”Well, Miss Thing there’s only one way to make it up to me.” The way Jose says it sounds very seductive.

Brock’s very nervous when he asks: ”How?”

”You fix the fucked up A/C next time you’re over.” Brock is surprised, but then has to laugh with Jose when he starts cackling. His laughter is as loud and boisterous as his personality. Brock likes it so much to see him laugh. ”You quite the handy man, aren’t ya?” Jose nudges him again. ”But I have to say, ya look more like a real ass cowboy with your hat and all.”

”What? You don’t like my hat?” Brock laughs and adjusts the old straw cowboy hat he is wearing. Jose doesn’t need to know that he only wears it, so he won’t get burned by the sun and because it’s old and he doesn’t care if it gets any dirtier.

”I like it,” Jose smirks and snatches the hat off his head a second later. ”I just think it’d look better on me.” He twirls the hat around his index finger as he leans back on his elbows.

”It’s all sweaty and dirty.” Brock feels embarrassed when he points it out. He knows the hat is disgusting, but he doesn’t want to see Jose getting disgusted by it. He looks down, stares at the blanket.

”What do ya think?” The words make Brock look up at again and Jose is now wearing his hat and a large smile.

Shit.

For a couple of seconds Brock doesn’t think anything.

Beautiful.

Cute.

Hot.

Sexy.

That’s what he’s thinking.

”It looks good on ya.”Is what he’s saying.

”Really?”Jose cocks his head to the side. He looks like a fucking model.

”Really.” It feels like time stands still as they smile at each other and all Brock can think about is Jose, his smile, his eyes, his lips and his hat on his head.

”Let me see. Take a picture of me,” Jose snaps him out of his daze, as he hands Brock his very expensive and new phone. Jose poses for the camera like a pro, then goofs off a bit by pretending to line dance and makes Brock laugh so hard he snorts and can’t stop until Jose drops back down beside him on the blanket, chuckling as well. ”Show me.” He requests once he is able to talk again.

”I’m not a photographer, but I think the pics are good. And the video is really good,” Brock smirks as he hands Jose his phone.

”Bitch! You filmed me doing the chicken dance! You such a cunt!” Jose screeches, rips the hat off his head and swats at Brock with it. ”But the pics are cute, boo. Looks like ya know what you doing.” Jose says after he’s stopped laughing and looked at the pictures.

”When I was away at college, someone scouted me for photoshoots. For a couple of weeks I modelled for them, did some fashion shoots, but then one of the ministers at the college caught wind of it and told me it wasn’t ok to do that because of vanity and seductive looks and stuff. So I stopped. But I’ve been interested in photography since then. If I ever got the opportunity to go back to college, I’d study photography.” Brock reveals yet another story and dream he has never told anyone around here.

”You certainly have the bone structure for modelling and the eye for photography. Betcha, you could still get some gigs if you wanted to.” Jose fiddles with his phone for a bit, then snaps a couple of shots of Brock and shows him.

”I look like shit.”

”You just look tired, boo. You working too much.”

”I don’t have a choice.”

”I know.” There isn’t any conviction behind Jose’s words, but Brock doesn’t want to get into this right now.

”Let’s eat?” He asks and is glad when Jose accepts. They are back to laughing their heads off in no time when Brock tries to teach Jose how to catch grapes with his mouth after throwing them up in the air. Surprisingly Jose lacks the coordination and fails every damn time. Or maybe he’s just doing it to keep Brock laughing - who knows.

***

Their lunch meetings only last two days, then Brock’s family gets in the way once more.

”I’m so sorry, but I have to cancel our lunch plans,” Brock tells Jose on the phone and looks around to make sure he isn’t overheard by his family.

”Oh, ok. Dinner then?” Jose’s disappointment is audible through the speaker.

”I can’t do that either. I have to work over at the grocery story during lunch and after I'll done here at the farm. Ada was put on bedrest and now my mom is managing the store. But she can’t do the re-stocking of the shelves.”

”Don’t tell me you taking that on now as well?”

”Who else?” Brock sighs heavily.

”Brock that’s crazy! You’re actively working towards a heart attack at thirty-five,” Jose scolds him and it feels kind of good to have someone who is worried for him. At the same time can’t change it so he opts for not saying anything. ”When you gonna stack those shelves?”

”Around nine. Why?”

”Leave the backdoor to the store open and I’m gonna help ya. It’s gonna be done much quicker and at least we get to talk a bit. I have another funny Thackery story for ya.”

”Jo, I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” What if someone sees them?

”Hey, if anyone sees us, we can always just say the big city guy is used to 24/7 service and needed some cat food. And Imma be quiet, all sneakily and shit.” Jose comes up with an excuse.

”Fine, I’ll text you when the coast is clear.” Brock quickly gives in, because really, he just wants to spend some more time with Jose.

When half past nine comes around Jose strolls into the store through the backdoor.

”Booh!”

”I’ve heard you coming,” Brock chuckles and turns around. He starts laughing for real when he sees Jose. He is wearing a blue work overall with a neon orange security vest over it. The fact that the overall is unzipped nearly down to his navel and his naked chest shows makes the outfit even more ridiculous, albeit sexier. ”What the heck are you wearing?”

”I came to work, work, work, work, work… so I gotta do the work work work work work work,” Jose sings and moves his hips to his own tune. ”I found this at Jason’s. It cute, right?” he smiles and puts his hands on his hips.

”Very,” Brock chuckles. ”But also unnecessary. We can stack some shelves without a neon vest.”

”Safety first!” Jose screams loudly in delight after his own smart ass comment.

”Sshhh, my sister’s living just next door.”

”Fine, Mary, Imma be as quiet as a hamster.”

Brock can’t help it, he guffaws. ”As a mouse, you idiot,” he corrects and pushes Jose into the direction of the shelves they need to stack.

***

For nearly a week, each night they stock the shelves together and then hang out at the closed store, eat snacks and exchange stories. Brock gets an idea of what life is like for Jose in L.A. and he wishes he could glimpse at it, just once.

The additional work and the long talks are part of the reason why he gets even less sleep now.The only time he gets to nap is when he falls asleep out of sheer exhaustion at night. Another reason are the thoughts in his head, as he processes his friendship with Jose, his views on life are so different from his own.

Jose doesn’t believe that being gay is a punishment. Instead he sees it as a way to belong to a community, share a culture with others, that Brock has only seen glimpses of. The fact that there are gay movies and romance novels out there blows his mind. He doesn’t even own a tv.

Jose’s view on life and love is much more positive and romantic than Brock’s own. Jose wants to find true love and be with that man for all eternity. Brock wants that too, he just knows that for him it’s not an option - not now, not ever.

However he gets to dream with Jose, live through his ideas and hopes when he isn’t allowed any of his own.

The hopelessness he feels when he’s alone in bed at night is crushing, when the urge to touch himself to his memories of Jose gets overwhelming and makes him feel dirty and disgusting. He’s not supposed to lust after his friend and yet he can’t forget their one short kiss, the way Jose smiles, laughs, walks and smells; Brock finds everything about him arousing.

He always squelches the desire by reminding himself that Jose will be gone in two weeks.

***

When Daniel calls him to tell him that he has to stop by at the dance studio because Jason called about the A/C, Brock is less than excited. He stops by the store to stack the shelves even though it’s not closed yet.

Since the dancing studio will be closed by the time he gets there and Jason will be around, he won’t get to see Jose, which ruins his day completely. He’s got so used to seeing him regularly over the last week. Even all the sleepless nights are more than worth it; it’s not like he’s slept well for years.

”Yay, our lord and saviour!” Jason greets him as he lets him into the studio.

”Let’s see first if I can fix it,” Brock shrugs and follows him through the empty building.

”Here’s the A/C unit, there are the manuals and stuff. I have to get going, because I have a meeting tomorrow in Dallas and am driving out there tonight. Jo should be here in a sec to help you and lock up,” Jason lets him know and Brock’s heart starts beating faster at the prospect of seeing Jose.

”Hey, you hoes. Did I just hear my name?” His distinctive voice echoes through the rooms and makes Brock laugh. ”Hope you only saying nice things about me, or I have to whoop your ass.” Jason doesn’t look very threatened and just laughs.

”I better get going, you asshole. Don’t forget to lock up. Imma be back tomorrow evening. You better not try and cook again. There’s no fire brigade in town.”

”Leave, bitch!” Jose hollers and pretends to throw one of the weights after Jason. ”That motherfucker always gotta run his mouth,” he giggles once they are alone.

Brock just smiles, but doesn’t reply. He’s still too shocked by Jose’s sudden appearance.

”You really gonna fix the damn A/C?”

”Isn’t that why I’m here?” Brock looks up from his tools.

”Kinda,” Jose shrugs with a smile. ”Just thought after you done with that thing, we could go upstairs and watch that show I told you about. Can’t leave here without educating ya a bit.”

Brock feels his heart beat in his throat. ”The one with the Spanish gay drug dealer?”

”Arab gay drug dealer in Spain,” Jose corrects.

”Right,” he nods. ”Sure. Let me just at least look at ‘that thing’.”

”You’ve already eaten something? We could get some pizza and make it a real dope ass movie night?”

”No, not yet. But didn’t Jason just say you’re not allowed to cook. And there’s no delivery service in town.”

”I can heat up some frozen pizza, dumbass. Why don’t you do your fixy-thingy here and I make the pizza and we meet upstairs? It’s way too hot in this fucked up building without a functioning A/C.”

”That’s what I’m here for,” Brock rolls his eyes playfully at Jose’s dramatics.

”That a yes?”

”That’s a yes.”

”Woohooo!” echoes off the walls of the dance studio and a moment later Brock is alone again to deal with the faulty device.

***

Brock’s done after just half an hour, or at least knows what the problem is. He also knows that he can’t fix it without additional parts.

Jose is already waiting for him on his couch, a large pizza on the table and the tv turned on. It’s much cooler up here and after the first couple of slices of pizza and Jose’s running commentary on the show they are watching, Brock slowly finds himself relaxing. It also helps that the fluffiest cat he's ever seen, Thackery, is sprawled out on his lap purring loudly.

The couch is comfortable and he leans back. Jose is close enough so the scent of his cologne hangs in the air. After a while the scent gets stronger, when Brock’s head comes to rest on his shoulder. He fights to keep his eyes open, but is too tired to do so. Jose’s arm wraps around Brock's shoulders and pulls him closer, then his fingers play with the sleeve of his T-shirt, tickle his skin. This should feel weird, because he’s not used to any kind of physical touch; But it doesn’t. It’s comforting and nice and Brock never wants this moment to end.

The last thing Brock is aware of, is when Jose’s other hand slides into his hair and massages his skull. Then he’s asleep, just forty minutes into the movie night and for once he stays asleep, right there in Jose’s arms.

***

When Brock wakes up, he is still on the sofa, still in Jose’s arms and there’s a blanket thrown over the both of them and wrapped around his shoulders. It’s a weird feeling to wake up for once without a headache, burning eyes or the overall feeling of doom all around you. He’s comfortable resting against Jose and he wishes he could stay like this a while longer.

”Fuck,” escapes him when he checks the time and realises it’s already half past five. He was supposed to be up over an hour ago. Quickly and quietly he gets up and takes a moment to wrap Jose completely in the blankets so he won’t get cold. He thinks about leaving him a note with a Thank you, but decides to just text him later. He really has to leave.

He parks his brother’s truck in front of his house, then runs over to his parent’s farm. He thinks about just running into the stable like this, but he needs other shoes at least.

”Where the fuck’ve you been?” His father screams at him as soon as he steps a foot into the house. Both his parents are up and sitting at the breakfast table.

”Working,” he lies.

”Working? The whole night? Which hussy have you been with? If ya get her pregnant out of wedlock, there’ll be hell to pay, you hear me!” Brock wonders if his father has already been drinking this early in the morning. "You not ruining my reputation!"

”I wasn’t with a woman! You know that Dan called me last night about the A/C at the studio. I’m not an electrician and was up all night trying to fix it.”

”You were at the faggot’s studio all night? Haven’t I forbid you to go there!” His father’s cane flies against his leg and hits him in the knee as he throws it his way.

”I was working there, earning money for Dan. What the fuck do you want from me? One second I’m supposed to take care of his business and the next I’m not allowed to see his clients? Which is it?” Brock yells back.

”Don’t you dare raising your voice at me!” His father’s voice is icy now. That’s when he always was at his most dangerous when they were younger. The most horrific beatings he’s got, always started with that voice.

Today, however, Brock isn’t scared of him. For once he’s slept, he feels rested and strong and he won’t be intimidated by his drunk of a father. Maybe tomorrow again, but certainly not today.

”Fine. So what is it? The money or not accepting work from people who pay for it?”

”You’re a disgrace, smart-mouthing me like that. Talking about working, when you haven’t even started your work here, because you’ve been hanging around this damned dancing studio. One should burn it to the ground and these faggots right along with it!” His father rages. ”And let me tell ya, the days when you’re being lazy and not pulling your weight are over! It’s time you get married and produce a couple of kids so you know what responsibilities are! No more excuses. And don’t you dare saying no when we find ya a wife.”

”Or what?” Brock’s voice is shaking with rage.

”Or you’re out of here. You can leave and never come back. And now go and feed the animals. I can’t stand the pathetic sight of you. Fuck off!”

Brock turns around on his heels and marches off, slamming the door behind him. ”Likewise,” he mutters as he makes his way to the stables. He can hear the animals already, they’re restless and hungry and that certainly is his fault and they shouldn’t be suffering because of him. He can’t let this happen again.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

_Jose tilts his head back and lets the warm water wash over his face and hair, rinsing the shampoo off. For the last six days his showers have become progressively longer, but they help him relax. He gets in, lets the warm water fall down on him as he jerks off, then washes his body and his hair. He stays in the shower until the water turns cold. It’s not a morning ritual he had before, but definitely one he started after spending the night sleeping with Brock in his arms. Waiting until night falls to give into his fantasies isn’t enough anymore._

_When Brock had rested his head on his shoulder, already half-asleep, Jose thought he’d have a heart attack. Never had anything felt as right as this move and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from pulling Brock closer._

_Brock was exhausted, that much had been clear from the first moment he saw him and during their talks he had admitted that he rarely slept through the night._

_But Brock had slept through the night, right there in his arms._

_It had given Jose the opportunity to run his hands over his back and through his hair. Whenever Brock had started to fidget, he pulled him closer orplaced a soft kiss on his forehead. Jose had been able to shower him with tenderness that night, all the hugs and touches and kisses that Brock would never accept if he was awake._

_It wasn’t even sexual, Jose hadn’t molested him or anything. It was only now, later, when Brock was long gone and Jose was left with the memories of how his body had felt under his fingers, how his weight had pressed him into the cushions and how he had been able to get lost in the scent of him the whole night, that he got aroused by the memories._

_They’ve hung out since and still stack the shelves together every night, but Brock hasn’t come over since. Jose knows something must have happened when he came home, but Brock doesn’t say and he doesn’t want to ask._

_Just a couple of hours, sometimes even just minutes with Brock is better than nothing at all and Jose reminds himself again to treasure the time they have. Because there’s only two more days and then Jose is going back to Los Angeles._

_Jose always falls fast and hard, but he’s never fallen as fast or as hard for anyone as he has for Brock. If things were different, if they’d only stood a little chance, he’d gladly spend the rest of his days travelling out to this hell hole every chance he got to see his man and be with him. If he could be with Brock, he’d be willing to pretend, to hide and go back in the closet as long as he was in town. Brock is worth everything._

_It's madness to think it or say it after six weeks of platonic friendship, but Jose knows he is in love with him._

_Just… there is no chance for them, no loophole or way. It isn’t only that Brock’s family and this shitty town could never accept that Brock is gay. Brock also isn’t really accepting the fact and still feels shame and the wrath of some scary god. That’s not something Jose can change. If he talks him into anything, Brock will reject him for it one day._

_Jose loves him, but it means letting him go and letting him make his own decisions. If Brock ever comes out and if he ever wants to live his truth, Jose will make sure before he leaves that Brock knows where to find him._

_Until then he can fight his longing by jerking off to phantasies, grasp at every second of friendship he can get and prepare himself for the inevitable goodbye._

_Jose hopes that things will get easieronce he’s gone from this god forsaken town and this fucking heat._

*******

”Hey, stop it, idiot!” Brock laughs and pushes the package of beef jerky back onto the shelf. Each time they have to re-stock the beef-jerky, Jose takes the whole packages and throws them in the bin, a mischievous grin on his face the whole time. Brock knows already how this argument will go, they’ve been around that tree a couple of times.

”This is disgusting! It should be forbidden! Banned! Outlawed! This is against the PETA- constitution of rights!” Jose declares and grasps for the package again.

”You don’t have to eat it. But not everyone is a vegetarian,” Brock points out.

”Pescatarian, bitch!” The sassy looks Jose gives him over his shoulder gives Brock time to push the package back onto the shelf.

”Sit! Behave!” he tells him and knows that’s just what Jose has been waiting for. He grabs a can of soda and sits down on the chair, watching as Brock puts the last two boxes on the shelf. When he’s done, Jose has a cold drink ready for him too. ”So, did Thackery finally tell you where he put your earring?”

”Yes, the little fucker did! I found it in his bed under his pillow.”

”He has a bed? And a pillow?” Brock chuckles.

”Of course! A little kitty bed and a little kitty pillow. He naps on it during the day and then shares my bed at night. He loves to cuddle.”

”You let the cat sleep in your bed?”

”Hey, don’t tell me you don’t do it! The way you talking about that kitten of yours, I’m sure he’s no stranger to your bed either.”

”Only when it was too cold for him to sleep outside in the barn,” Brock admits reluctantly and also lies a bit.

”Haha! I knew it! Sucker!” Jose guffaws and slaps Brock’s thigh. Brock laughs with him.

”Uncle Brock! Uncle Brock!” Rachel suddenly bursts into the store through the back entrance and Brock jumps up in blind panic. This is it. He’s been caught.

”Rachel what is it?” Jose speaks up when Brock can’t find his voice to ask and just opens and closes his mouth like a fish.

”Momma is having the baby and she needs you to drive her to the hospital. Like now!” Rachel yells excitedly.

”My car’s still broken,” is all Brock can come up with.

”That’s why momma says to ask Vanjie if he’ll drive us, dummy,” Rachel rolls her eyes like it’s the most obvious thing.

”Sure, come on,” Jose gets up and quickly gathers his things. It gives Brock a moment to collect himself, while Rachel has run off as soon as Jose agreed.

”You're here because you needed cat food, right?” Brock whispers as he locks the store.

”Yes. It’s a real great ass alibi. Don’t worry.” He reassures him. Ada and Rachel are already waiting by the car and the girl helps her mother in when Jose unlocks it.

”Who’s gonna watch the other kiddos?” Jose asks Brock.

”Rachel. She’s gonna stay here.”

”But she’s just a baby herself.”

”She’s used to it and I guess they’re all asleep. Dance is really the only time she gets for herself. Ada needs her help. There’s just too many of them.” Brock climbs into the passenger’s side. ”Hey, sis. Ready to become a mommy?” he asks her.

”Again,” she smiles a pained smile.

”Again. It’s still a bit early huh?”

”Just two weeks. I’m glad once it’s over. Bedrest isn’t for me.” She says as Jose slowly pulls out onto the street. ”Thank you for driving us, Jose. I wanted Brock to call you, but Rachel said you’re parked outside anyway.”

”Yeah, I needed some cat food for my little man Thackery. I’m still not used to shops not being open 24/7, ya know?” Jose is perfectly innocent and Brock relaxes a bit when he sees the performance.

”Thank god, for your cat. I think this will be a quick one.” Ada groans a moment later and Jose glances at Brock with panic in his eyes.

”Mami, you better not have that kiddo in my car. Porsche doesn’t have the same ring to it as Ferrari or Bentley for a name,” Jose says and manages to make even the woman in labor laugh.

*******

The birth isn’t as quick as Ada hoped. Shortly before noon Vanjie decides to drive home to get some fresh clothes and shower, but also to get some food for Brock and himself. Ada asks him to check if the kids are at school.

Brock knows that Jose would never say no to the requests, but also reminds him before he leaves, that he shouldn’t feel obligated.

For the next coupe of hours Brock stays with his sister and keeps her husband up to date on the progress.

”Hey there Miss Ada,” Jose is back around three in the afternoon and leans against the doorway with a sheepish smile.

”Hey,” Ada smiles weakly. She’s exhausted and barely got any sleep since last night. ”Come in.”

”Ya sure? Don’t wanna see no parts your husband will beat me up for,” Jose jokes but slowly walks in.

”All covered,” she reassures him. ”Everything alright at home?”

”Yeah, Rachel got them all to school and I talked to the neighbor like you said and she keeps them fed and watered until you’re back.”

”Thank you so much,” Ada smiles and takes Jose’s hand. ”Why don’t ya take my little brother here for a walk and get something to eat? They gonna check on me in a couple of minutes anyway.”

Jose looks questioningly at Brock. ”Let’s go Uncle B?”

”Yeah, let’s go,” Brock realises how long he sat in that chair when he gets up and has to stretch to make his arms and legs function again. ”You call me when you need me, ok?” he tells his sister and follows Jose outside.

”Brought you some food, but I didn’t wanna bring it into the room. Wasn’t sure if she’s allowed to eat.” Jose picks up a large paper back that smells suspiciously like Asian food.

”Thank you.” He simply tells him once more. They find aspot at a table outside and Jose finds the stir fried rice and duck Jose has brought for him.

”How much longer do ya think it’ll take?” Jose asks him over a fork full of rice and prawns.

”I don’t know. One can’t really predict these things. She’s nearly fully dilated though, so it shouldn’t be much longer.”

”Child, I didn’t need that kinda picture in my head about ya sister’s private parts.” Jose actually shudders which makes Brock laugh. ”You ever watched it, ya know, when your little nieces and nephews were born?”

”I was in the delivery room with her twice so far, but I always kept my eyes above the shoulders, if that’s what you want to know.” Brock chuckles.

”Her husband still on the road?”

”Yeah, he’s on his way back now, but it’ll take him a couple of days.”

”That’s good. She needs some help with the kids and the store.”

”Hey, she seems to put you to work now too. Wait, you’ll be slaving away at the store in no time,” Brock laughs and tries to imagine Vanjie behind the counter of the store, dealing with the people of the town on the regular.

”I’d even volunteer, but, ya know, I’m leaving tomorrow in the early morning. Gotta go back to L.A.”

Brock feels like the ground has been ripped from underneath his feet. ”Tomorrow?” he croaks and the hand that hols his fork drops to the table.

”Yeah, my time’s up. Workshop is over.” Jose shrugs, but his eyes are sad.

”I didn’t think… I didn’t realise it’s already been this long.”

”I know, me neither,” Jose gives him a shaky smile. ”Ya now, you got my number. If you ever… wanna come and visit or talk or… please call.” Brock can only nod, because he’d burst into tears if he spoke. ”Imma miss you.” Jose adds and cover’s Brock’s hand with his. Brock nods again.

Their eyes meet and the looks between them say more than Brock ever could. There’s an understanding, an awareness of the situation, of the things said and the things unspoken.

Brock slowly pulls his hand away, scared that someone mights see. ”We should finish eating and then get back.” He’s not hungry anymore, but it gives him something to focus on, other than trying not to fall apart.

”That little sucker better hurry up, ‘cause I wanna meet them before I leave,” Jose tries to joke again, but it falls flat, neither laughs or even smiles.

*******

When they get back, they are informed that things have progressed rather quickly and that even though they were just gone for an hour, the new addition to the family is already here.

”Go in, go meet them!” Jose is excited and pushes Brock towards the door.

”Hey Ada, can I come in?” he asks after knocking and finds his sister sitting in bed with her baby in her arms.

”Of course. Sorry, I didn’t call. Suddenly he couldn’t wait anymore. Where’s Vanjie?” she asks.

”Here,” Jose head pops up behind Brock, who is still standing in the open door.

”Come here. Meet Noah,” she smiles at Jose, who hurries past Brock to get a closer look at the baby.

”Aw, Brock! Look! Look! He’s so cute! And you named him Noah. That’s like the best name!” Jose gushes and wipes away a tear.

”You’re a fan of the ark story as well?” Ada smiles.

”More of the Notebook story,” Jose chuckles and Brock realises he must be talking about another movie.

”You wanna hold him?”

”Me?” Jose squeaks and makes them laugh. ”I can’t. Never held a baby in my life. I’d squish him.”

”You’re gonna be just fine,” Ada tells him and slowly places the baby in his arms. Jose holds little Noah like a bomb and Brock reaches over to quickly adjust his hold on him.

”You gotta pay attention to the head. They can’t hold it on their own yet,” He tells him and looks down at his newest nephew. ”He looks like Rachel when she was born.”

”Yeah he does,” Ada agrees with him.

Jose slowly relaxes and when he turns his head, looks over his shoulder up at Brock and their eyes meet, there’s a large smile on his face.

”I’m holding a baby!” he proclaims proudly and seems to grow a couple of inches right in front of Brock's eyes. He’s so proud of his achievement and it’s the cutest thing Brock has ever seen, not even his new-born nephew comes close.

”I can see that,” Brock beams back at him. God, he loves him.

He loves him.

He’s in love with him, Brock realises as they smile at each other, Noah nestled safely in Jose’s arms.

”He must like you. He’s asleep,” Ada brings them back to reality, like Brock’s big epiphany didn’t just rock his word. He, Brock, is in love with Jose. This is not about attraction or a flirt. This is love.

”Then I better hand him back to ya before he gets too attached,” Jose smiles and gives the baby back to Ada. ”So, y’all… I gotta go. I still have to pack and clean and shit. Get some sleep. I’m leaving tonight or early morning.”

”Oh that’s too bad. You’re coming back next year?” Ada asks him.

”Nah, Jason’s back is better and he cashed his cheque with me. Who knows what Imma do next year this time.”

”Rachel will miss ya.”

”She's got my number, she can call, you can all call and visit. Don’t forget me, Miss Ada,” Jose says and gives her a careful hug.

”How could we?” Ada replies.

”Brock you wanna ride back with me?”

Brock absolutely wants to, but after his big revelation it’s better if he’s not alone again with Jose. He doesn’t know what he would say or do and the fact still stands that Jose is leaving and not coming back.

”My parents are on their way here and I’ll ride back with them. Thanks for the offer though,” he declines, even though it's killing him.

”Ok then,” Jose looks disappointed, but still smiles. ”Gimme a hug, big guy.”

When Brock does, he is aware that his sister is watching them. While Jose hold him tightly, he tries to keep some semblance of it being just a friendly hug goodbye. It doesn’t matter that he never wants to let him go. ”Take care of yourself, boo. Eat, sleep, don’t let them get to ya. You’re right the way god made you and don’t let anyone tell ya anything else,” Jose whispers in his ear.

”You too. Drive safely, Jose.” Jose’s lips brush softly and discreetly against Brock’s cheek as they break apart.

When Jose walks out of the room with one last small wave, Brock bites his lip and prays he can keep the tears at bay until he’s alone.

*******

”Brock?” His sister snaps him out of his daze. He’s still staring at the closed door, unable to move. All he can focus on is breathing.

”Mmh?” he makes without turning around. How would he explain being this upset over Rachel’s dance teacher leaving? A man he pretends he barely knows.

”Come here,” Ada tells him quietly and holds out her hand, while she holds Noah with the other. ”What's going on?” she asks him when he sits on the side of her bed, his eyes focussed on his nephew.

”What do you mean?”

”Brock, I know.”

He looks up at her face and has no idea what she is talking about. ”Know what?”

”I know,” she repeats and her eyes seem to bore into his. ”I know about the ice-cream and take away after dance class. And I know he helped you at the store every night. I know, Brock.”

”We’ve become friends, Ada. I know I'm not supposed to hang out with him, but… we're friends.” It's the truth, nothing has happened.Other than him falling in love with Jose, but Ada doesn't need to know about that.

”But you’re in love with him.”

”How can you say that?Ada! That’s not right! I’d never…” he gets upset and little Noah starts stirring in his mother’s arms. Brock knows lying is a sin, but being gay is an even bigger one. They can’t know, no one can know!

”Brock, I’m your sister and I know you. I know you’re gay. I’ve suspected it for a while, but there was never a reason to say anything. I know you’re in love with Vanjie and if Rachel is right, like she usually is, then he likes you, too.”

”Rachel…” Pure panic spreads through him.

”Calm down. She’s only ten but she understands what’s at stake here. I talked to her and she won’t say anything to anyone.”

”But why?” Brock gasps. ”It’s wrong!”

”Love is never wrong, little brother. I believe in god and the lord and I pray. But my god and the one we get scared with by our parents and the idiot minister, are not the same. I might not have gone to college and I might never leave this town, but as soon as I had my first baby, I knew that there's something wrong with what we’ve been told. You don’traise your kids with fear and threats and punishment. You love them. No matter who they love. And the same goes for my brother.” They are both crying at this point and Brock hugs his sister tightly. It’s done, it’s out, and he won’t lose her because of his biggest secret.

”Thank you,” he sobs and tries to wipe away the tears when Noah starts protesting.

”So, what are you gonna do?” Ada asks him again, once she has dried her own face.

”There’s nothing I can do. We’re not… we’re really just friends. He’s leaving and there’s nothing for him here. Like, I can’t leave. And I can’t stop being me. I can’t disappoint everyone around me and lose my family. Mom and dad will never talk to me again and I’ll be all but dead to Dan and Lilly. I’ve gone so long living with this secret, that I just can’t…. It doesn’t feel right to me.”

”But you’ve always been so unhappy, Brock. I guess, I just wanna see you happy for once. And with him you were.”

”Sorry,” he shrugs and smiles a bit.

”You’re really gonna let him go like this? Why can’t you be selfish for once? Do what you want, what makes you happy?”

”You think being happy for one night is worth all that comes afterwards? The doubts and fear?”

”How’s that different from what you’re living now? You live your life for others, for all of us and you’re unhappy all the time. If you have a chance of happiness, even if it’s just for a short while, then take it! Maybe he won’t stay, you’re right, but you gonna miss him anyway. If you go to him and just… even if you’re just spending the night as friends together and nothing more happens, then at least you’ll have that one happy memory, that will make your burden a bit lighter.”

”When did you get so wise, sis'?” Brock asks and leans into her, seeks comfort in her embrace.

”I’m your big sister. I’ve always been wise, you just never listened,” she teases him. A moment later the door opens and their parents and Rachel walk in. The moment is over. But Brock has a lot to think about until they get home.

*******

”Brock? What are you doing here?” Jose looks as surprised as he sounds when he opens the door.He has changed and is now wearing sweatpants and a tank-top.

”Hey, uhm, like, can I come in?” he mutters and points to a spot past Jose’s shoulder.Jose just steps aside, seems too stunned to say more and lets him into the apartment.

”You packed,” Brock points out when he looks around. Two large suitcases are standing by the bedroom door and the apartment has been cleaned from top to bottom. A backpack on top of the suitcases is open and some clothes lie neatly folded on the living room table.

”Yeah, like I said, I just wanna grab a bit of sleep and then go.” Jose rocks back and forth on his feet before he follows Brock further into the room. ”Everything ok with Ada and little Noah? You need me to drive you to the hospital again?”

”No, I mean, yes, they’re ok,” Brock shakes his head and tries to gather the courage he needs. ”I’m here because… like… I…” Why is it so hard to find the words to say what he wants to say? Jose knows more about him than any other person, so why can’t he tell him what he wants now? Time is running out and he has to… Just…. Jose waits patiently and with a look between curiosity and fear.

Finally, Brock cups his face with his hand, sees Jose’s eyes widen even more, and then slowly leans in. He gives Jose time to pull away or stop him, but when he doesn’t, Brock kisses him.

Jose gasps softly and pulls him closer a moment later. With a moan Jose deepens the kiss and Brock’s eyes close. This is the kiss he dreamed of so many times when he lay awake at night or when he allowed himself to think of Jose during the day. Every time he was close to him, but he didn’t allow himself to have this. Brock feels heat curling in his gut when Jose opens his mouth and their tongues touch.

Jose fits so perfectly into his arms, and the way he kisses is like nothing Brock has ever experienced. He is amazing and Brock needs more, lets his hands wander underneath Jose’s wide shirt. His skin is warm, nearly feverishly hot and so soft.

Brock has no idea how long they just stand there kissing while he is running his hands over Jose’s back and chest. When he tries to pull the shirt up and over his head, Jose stops him and breaks the kiss.

”Babe, I can’t…” he is panting. ”I need to know what’s going on,” Jose requests breathlessly and gives him another quick kiss, before he takes Brock’s hand and leads him to the sofa.

Brock is turned on and slightly frustrated that they have to talk, now, and can’t just do what he knows they both want. Yet, he knows he owes Jose an explanation.

”I…I know you’re leaving and I’m not here to stop you, because you should get out of here and go back to your life in L.A. But like…I like you and I…. I just wanna know what it’s like to be with someone I…. I like care about… just once. And I hope you don’t mind or feel used or, you know. But, like, you kissed me first and… please, let me have this before I lose you tomorrow.”

He’s begging.

Jose listens and nods, holds his hand as Brock rambles. He looks down to their joined hands once Brock is done and watches as he plays with his finger. ”Is this your first time?” Jose asks when he looks back up.

”No. I’ve hooked up with random guys in gay bars and clubs before. But I’ve never… not with someone I know, or in a bed or….” He trails off.

Someone I love, he wants to say, but it would be too much. He isn’t here to talk Jose into staying or an impossible relationship, even though he wants to fall to his knees and beg him not to leave him.

He can’t do that to him. Jose deserves the world and there is nothing for him here.

”If we do this, saying goodbye will be so much harder,” Jose points out and Brock can see the tears in his eyes.

”I know,” he agrees and feels himself getting choked up as well. ”But…”

Before he can go on Jose has closed the gap between them and kisses him again. Brock can taste the salty tears on his lips and licks them away as Jose climbs into his lap and wraps both arms around his neck.Desire clouds Brock’s mind and he gets dizzy with want. His hands are back under Jose’s shirt and his time he gets to take it off. Jose groans in protest when he breaks the kiss, but then cocks his head to the side when Brock kisses down his neck and to his chest and as far down as he can reach with Jose still sitting on his lap. This is something Brock has never done, has never gotten the chance to: simply kiss someone’s skin, taste it, nibble on it. He has sucked dick, but there was never any tenderness in it, only the chase of making the other come as fast as possible.

”Let’s go to the bedroom,” Jose makes him look up by tugging gently on his curly hair. He gets up and holds out his hand to Brock. When he takes it, he leads them to the bedroom.

The bed is unmade on one side and Brock realises that Jose was already in bed when he got here.

”You were already asleep.”

”I was in bed, not asleep. And this is so much better,” Jose smirks and pulls Brock’s shirt over his head.

”Yeah?” Brock’s breath hitches when Jose touches his naked skin. Slowly and in random patterns Jose's hands glide over his chest and stomach, tickling and arousing at the same time. Brock bites his lip as he watches him, scared he’ll make too much embarrassing noise otherwise.

”Yeah,” Jose finally replies and wraps his arms around Brock’s neck again. ”Listen… you gotta talk to me when you don’t like something or if you wanna stop, ok? I’ll do the same. Wasn’t expecting this, you, here, tonight, so I’m not ready. Are you prepped?”

Jose’s blunt question makes Brock blush. No one has ever talked to him about what they were going to do, other than asking him if he had a condom. ”No, I, uhm, I always topped, you know, like the few times I actually…”

Jose smiles and kisses him softly. ”That what you wanna do tonight? I’m usually a bottom, but if you feel like doing something new… I don’t mind.”

”No, no that’s not…” Brock’s voice is barely above a whisper. ”I just wanna know what it feels like to make love and not fuck.”

Again Jose kisses him deeply. ”Then lean back, relax and Imma be back in a couple of minutes ok?” He pushes him down onto the bed, before he disappears into the living room and then comes back with a cosmetics bag. ”Here, place’em somewhere we can find them quick,” Jose smirks as he throws something at Brock, before he disappears behind the bathroom door. When Brock looks down, he's holding condoms and lube. It makes him laugh.

The next twenty minutes are both the longest and the shortest of Brock life. He's impatiently waiting for Jose, still aroused and nearly out of his mind when he remembers their kisses. But he’s also nervous. He doesn’t want to fuck up and disappoint Jose. If this is the only chance he ever gets at being with the man he loves, Brock wants to cherish it and make it the best night it can be for both of them. So that maybe, sometimes, when Jose is back in L.A. and with other guys, he will remember their night as well.

Maybe he won’t forget him as quickly.

Thackery keeps Brock company as he waits for Jose. But when he comes out of the bathroom, the cat seems to sense he’s in the way and retreats back to the living room.

”You still sure?” Jose asks as he climbs back in Brock’s lap.

”Still sure,” he confirms before they kiss again, naked chest agains naked chest.

If Brock really thought Jose expects any kind of performance of him, he was wrong. Because Jose takes the lead right away. He’s not bossy in a bad way, but taking care of him with incredible tenderness. There’s no inch of skin Jose doesn’t kiss, no scar he doesn’t want the whispered short story about how it happened, before he soothes the long forgotten pain with his lips and tongue.

Jose keeps talking, whispering about how much he loves Brock’s body, how sexy he finds his abs, how much he’s wanted to play with his chest hair, how he dreamed about being wrapped in his arms, how soft the skin of his stomach is and how much he wants to suck his cock. He talks about his eyes, his mouth, his tongue and his ass. When he stops talking to finally taste him, Brock nearly comes.

To cool down, Brock#s allowed to explore Jose’s body and he does so with the same tenderness. He loves him, there is no question about it.

Brock has to remind himself to memorise every second, every gasp and every feeling, when he finally slides into Jose.

”Slow,” Jose instructs, wraps his legs around him and pulls him into another kiss. Brock moves – slowly – as they get lost in each other. Brock feels an emotion that he can’t identify. He’s never felt anything like this before. Bliss? Love?

Their movements get faster and the kisses sloppier as they get closer to the end. Jose groans and gasps as he digs his fingers into Brock’s shoulders and waist. He’s loud, gets louder when Brock wraps his hand around his cock to bring him over the edge. Jose explodes with loud moans and spills hot and wet over Brock’s fingers, his own stomach and chest.

”Brock, baby… yes…please,” Jose encourages him and with a couple more thrust Brock comes as well.

They pant into each others mouths, kiss and smile. Both of them are sticky with sweat and cum, but neither wants to move. Brock nuzzles his nose into Jose's neck as he holds him, presses kisses to his hair and playfully bites his ear form time to time to make him laugh.

”So this is what it feels like.” Brock speaks quietly into Jose’s skin, still lying on top of him minutes later.

”Yeah, this is what it feels like.” The wonder in Jose’s voice surprises Brock, but he doesn’t comment on it. Instead he kisses the side of his neck.

They lie there, mostly in silence. Sometimes they kiss, sometimes they touch and sometimes they just enjoy the moment.

Until the alarm on Jose’s cellphone goes off.

Their dream is over, it’s back to reality.

They exchange one more longing kiss, before Brock gets up and takes care of the condom while Jose shuts off the alarm.

They get dressed.

They don’t shower.

They rip the sheets off the bed.

They don’t talk.

Jose packs the rest of his things and Brock keeps Thackery company.

There’s no more words needed. With each minute they get closer to goodbye, the more panicked Brock feels.

He helps Jose with his bags, puts Thackery in the car and closes the door on the passengers side.

”Give me another hug,” Jose asks, his voice is breaking and full of tears. Brock hugs him so tightly that he fears he might hurt him, but Jose hugs him back just as fiercely. ”Brock….” Jose sniffs.

”Go! Live your best life in L.A.” Brock interrupts him. ”Have fun, be happy. Thank you for everything. I can’t… I’ll never,” Brock’s own tears make it impossible to continue.

Jose pulls back first. He gives Brock’s arm a squeeze, waves at him with a sad smile from behind the wheel and then drives off, the tail lights of his fancy car the last thing Brock sees of him, while the sun slowly rises and lights the darkness of the night.

”Brock, come on, man, at least wait inside until ya get a grip. You can’t be seen like this in this fucking town,” Jason’s worried voice comes from behind, when Jose’s car can’t be seen anymore. He leads him into the dark dance studio, where the hot sticky air is no less suffocating than the pain that fills Brock’s chest. The A/C is still broken, not that anyone cares at the moment. Brock cries until he can’t anymore, then he wipes his face with the wet washcloth Jason hands him.

He leaves.

Goes back to his parent’s farm where his real life awaits him.

It's over.Brock hates his fucked up life even more now.

Because Jose is gone.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much. Your engagement with this story goes beyond anything I've ever imagined, especially because of the trigger warnings. Your comments and messages are a huge compliment.
> 
> Please feel free to write to me on tumblr if you have any questions or need to talk. You can find me there under the same handle as here.

**Six**

_”Girl, you better watch out or the cutie who’s been flirting with ya is going home with this other ho,” A’keria points out and snaps Jose our of his thoughts. He has been sitting at the bar all night, nursing his one drink and doesn’t feel like doing anything else, not even dancing._

_He only agreed to come along to the club because his two best friends have been nagging him for weeks now, ever since he got back home from Texas._

_Jose doesn’t feel like dancing and drinking and flirting and fucking trade. He doesn’t even feel like socialising._

_”Child, I don’t mind. He can go home with whoever the fuck he wants.”_

_”He still sulking. Still thinking about his hot fuck with the hunky cowboy,” Silky throws in their two cents._

_”He’s no hunky cowboy and it wasn’t just a hot fuck.” Jose gets angry in seconds. This is no joking matter to him, not at all._

_”If it was love, then why the ho not calling ya? Or at least replying to ya messages? He played you, girl.” Silky insists._

_”It looks fishy,” A’keria holds up their hands when Jose looks at them._

_”I’m going home. Fuck you, bitches.” He throws some money on the counter for his drink, grabs his jacket and is out of there before his friends can protest. He knows he’s overreacting, but he doesn’t care._

_At home he kicks off his shoes, throws his jacket on the couch and lies down on top of it.Thackery comes around the corner and jumps on his back._

_”You thinking too that he was playing us, Thacks? Or do you think we was right and he likes us?” Jose turns around on his back, but makes sure Thackery doesn’t fall down. In reply, the cat bumps his head against Jose’s chest._

_”Then why ain’t he replying? He’s ghosting us, little man.” He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes. ”I know there’s no fucking future and I know I should forget about him, but I can’t.” He sniffs. ”Fuck.”_

_After petting Thackery for a while, he gets up and gets ready for bed. He knows the drill by now._

_He gets in, grabs his phone and starts the video he needs. He hears himself laughing and joking and then there’s Brock’s laughter as he watches Jose goof off, unaware that Brock is filming him. Jose puts the video on repeat, because he knows he can’t sleep otherwise._

_The last night he slept peacefully was the night before Brock came over._

_Since Brock showed up at his apartment at Jason's, everything has been different. Jose closes his eyes and he sees Brock standing there, in front of the door. He feels him kissing him. He can feel the panic again, which he felt in the bathroom. He sees his attempts to take deep breaths and calm himself down. He knew what Brock was offering, what he wanted and, dear god, he wanted it, too. But he was also nervous, anxious really. He could tell himself a thousand times that it was just another one night stand and he should treat it as such, but it would never be true either. You can't have a one night stand with someone you love without getting hurt._

_In the bathroom he had allowed a few tears to fall, knowing that in the early morning they would have to say goodbye. Brock had wanted this night as a goodbye present. And Jose had needed it as well, but he had just hoped against hope there would be no goodbye, only a 'see you later'. Brock wanted to make love, and that’s what they’d done._

_It’s the ”Still being in love” part, that keeps Jose up at night, when he'sre-playing their one passionate night over and over in his head._

_Brock’s laughter in the video gives him something else to focus on, so he can shut off his brain and sleep._

_The next day, Silky shows up at his place._

_”Ya better?” they ask as they walk in with containers of take-out._

_”I’m fine.” It’s a half-assed lie that Silky sees through._

_”What the fuck did the guy do to you? He must be a god in bed, if you’re still this fucked up two months later.”_

_”It isn’t about the sex, Silks. I really like him.”_

_”Then why you not going back and confront him about why he’s not replying? He might explain himself or he might not and then ya got your answer, too.”_

_”I can’t go back, Silks. It’s too damn risky. I don’t wanna destroy his life. And even if he feels the same: He made it clear he ain’t leaving his family behindand I can’t live there.” Jose knows it’s the truth, but it doesn’t mean that it hurts any less. ”Maybe it’s a good thing he ghosting me. I can be angry at him and get over him faster.”_

_”But you really like him.”_

_”Yeah, I really like him. He was like… perfect for me. And, fuck, I miss him. I miss just talking to him. Miss his dumb ass face when he didn’t know what the fuck I was talking 'bout when I was rambling about movies and shit. Or when he slept in my arms and did that little sniffling sound whenever he moved, just to hold me tighter.”_

_”You know that that’s the shit that gets annoying once you’re in a relationship. The way he wakes you up with that annoying sound and how it’s uncomfortable when he clutches you like a koala.”_

_”Maybe. But we ain’t getting the chance for it to get annoying.” Jose sighs deeply, his stomach heavy._

_”I’m sorry, bitch. But you gonna eat dinner with me today. No excuses!” Silky changes the topic and Jose is thankful for it._

*******

The day Jose leaves the weather takes a turn for the worse and it gets unbearably hot.

Maybe it’s the heat, maybe it’s the lack of sleep or food, maybe it’s too much beer or too much work, but two weeks after Vanjie’s departure, Brock gets sick.

He wakes up one morning with his head pounding, his joints and muscles hurting and his chest tight. He has trouble breathing, although he’s not coughing or sneezing. He’s so exhausted he can’t keep his eyes open, even though he’s not running a fever.

He physically can’t get out of bed.

He falls asleep again and when he wakes up it’s a whole day later and his mother is checking on him.

”I’m glad you up, son. I was worried and ya father wants you to get up and help him in the stables. He can’t do it all by himself, ya know.” She says and gently checks his forehead.

”I can’t.” He replies meekly and falls asleep again. Even talking hurts.

He only leaves bed to go to the bathroom, sometimes to pee, sometimes to throw up when the pain in his heads gets too overwhelming.

He can’t really eat, but he isn't hungry anyway. He drinks the water, tea and broth his mother brings him, before he falls asleep again.

His dreams are filled with weird scenes, some of them reality, some of them fantasy, but all including Jose in one way or another.

Sometimes he comes back and sweeps him off his feet like a knight in shining armour.

Sometimes he turns into a bird and flies away with a cry like an eagle.

Sometimes he dances with the kids, dances circles around him as they laugh, scream and insult him. His dad dances with them; he doesn't even need a cane anymore.

After nearly two weeks Ada shows up.

”Get up, you have to get out of bed,” she tells him and pulls his blanket off. It’s too hot in the room anyway.

”I can’t.” He isn’t joking or exaggerating. He physically can’t get up. He has no energy left and his head is hurting so much, all he sees are flashes of bright light.

”Yes, you can. Here, take my hand, I’m gonna help ya sit up.” She pulls him up more than he actually sits up himself. He feels dizzy. ”Ya know when mom told me you was sick,I didn’t worry too much, cause it’s supposed to happen to ya with the way you work ya'self into the ground. But when she told me ya slept through two of dad’s screaming fits, I knew it was serious. What’s going on, little brother? You ain’t got no fever.”

”Everything hurts. I can barely open my eyes because it hurts so bad and I’m just so damn tired all the time.”

”You sick.” Brock just grunts in reply. She’s stating the obvious. ”Love sick, if you ask me.”

”I’m not asking you. And love sick doesn’t exist.”

”People have died of a broken heart.”

”You think that’s what’s happening to me?”Would he care if that’s the case? Not really.

”I don’t know, you telling’ me. You never said a word what happened when Vanjie left.” It’s the first time anyone speaks that name in weeks and it feels like a physical blow. His headache worsens. The nausea is back. Maybe he is dying of a broken heart after all? ”Did ya take my advice?”

”I went to see him after the hospital, yes,” he replies, because he knows Ada won’t leave him alone until he does.

”Did ya talk to him? What did he say? Does he feel the same?”

”There wasn’t much talking,” he admits.

”Oh." For a second an uncomfortable silence fills the room. "Wasn’t it… good?”

”It was amazing, the most amazing night of my life. But we both knew there’s no future, so we didn’t pretend there was.”

”Why not? A lot of people do long distance relationships. Look at Joe and me. He's on the road all the time, that gotta count as long distance.”

”It’s not the same. I don’t have the money or the time to go see him. And when he’d be here, he’d have to hide, we couldn’t be seen together and there’d be always the fear of getting caught. This is my shitty life and I don’t wanna drag him down with me. I want him to be happy and he wouldn’t be with me.”

”You could go with him.”

”And do what? Live off his money and become a burden to him? While everything goes to hell here? Dan would lose his business and mom and dad would lose the farm. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, if that happened.”

”You not doing too well now, Brock. Lying in bed all day, sleeping all the time.”

”I just… everything hurts, Ada. If I eat I get sick, if I move I get dizzy. My head is pounding and I can hardly breathe.”

”You thought about going to a doctor?”

”And who’s gonna pay for that?” He lies back down.

”Fine, but I’m gonna be checking on ya from now on. I’m gonna be here every day and tomorrow I’m going to bring Noah, 'cause he misses you. I don’t think you’re contagious.”

"Wake me up when you get here,” he sighs and closes his eyes.

”Will do. Sleep tight little brother.” She places a kiss on his forehead and then finally there’s silence and darkness all around him once again.

*******

”Ada? Ada?” Brock calls out as he enters his sister’s home. It’s suspiciously quiet in and around the house, even though it’s a Saturday and the kids should be home. The door shuts behind him and Brock feels like he can breathe again in the cooler house.

”Shush, Noah just fell asleep,” Ada comes out of the kitchen.

”Sorry,” Brock drops his voice. ”Mom said you need my help.” Again, he wants to add, but he doesn’t. Ever since Ada managed to get him out of bed a month ago, she’s been requesting his help at least every couple of days. At first it was small repairs around the house, then helping with the kids. It’s not complete bullshit, but Brock is aware that his sister is mainly calling him over to check on him and to make sure he gets out of the house and away from his parents for a bit.

”Yeah, but it’s not important. The kids are at the lake with the neighbors and the baby is asleep. You want some coffee or tea?”

”Iced tea maybe?”

”Sure,” Ada nods and leaves. When she comes back she carries two large glasses of iced tea and hands him one.

”How are you?” she asks as soon as she has sat down.

He shrugs, not sure if he wants to answer the question honestly. Because the honest answer is that he still feels like shit. He’s no longer in bed all day, but he wants to be. His body still hurts, his chest is still tight and he has no energy. Still, he gets up every day and somehow manages to function until he crashes into bed every evening. ”Same,” he finally admits.

”I wanted to talk to you about that. I know you are up, but I can see you’re not well. So I went on the internet and did some research because you refuse to see a doctor. And… Brock, I think you might need to see a therapist, like, you know, a psychologist.”

”You a doctor now?” He doesn’t like the word and he doesn’t like his sister’s amateur diagnosis.

”No, I’m not. But it all fits, even, like the way you were feeling better when Vanjie was around. You weren’t that tired anymore. You told me when you were with him you were able to sleep. And I think you should go and see someone, get some help. You need professional help.”

”Ada, I appreciate it that you worry about me, but can you tell me where I’d find a therapist around here in a two hour radius? And who’d pay for it? Who’d take over my work while I drive back and forth? Who'd pay for the gas?”

”I don’t know. But you need to talk to someone. Every day I’m scared that the next you’re not gonna be here anymore.”

”I’m not leaving. Where’d I go?”

”I’m not talking about you leaving. I’m talking about you harming yourself. I read that online, that a lot of gay people kill themselves because they’re unhappy and aren’t accepted. Or because they struggle with their sexuality. They get depressed.”

”I’m not struggling with that. I’m gay. I can’t live it and I have to stay in the closet around here, but that doesn’t change the fact. I’ve come to accept it.”

”Is that why you not at church anymore?”

”Maybe. I’m just so sick of being told all the time how horrible gays are and how we’ll burn in hell and how we should be pushed out of the community, like we’re criminals.” Brock sighs. ”But I’m also just tired. When mom and dad are at church, at least they can’t be on my case for sleeping during the day.”

”Dad won’t buy the ‘I’m sick’ excuse much longer. And mom is running out of excuses why you not at church.”

”I don’t care what he buys or not. He should just leave me alone. I don’t even care anymore, about none of it.”

”I know that’s not true, Brock. I know you still care, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.”

”I really don’t. I’m too tired to care about anything to be honest.” Brock insists. "Or feel anything other than the constant pain in my head and joints." It’s true. Most of the time he’s just numb now. It’s a feeling he prefers to the constant heartache of the weeks before. And when he feels something it’s usually annoyance or anger. He’s never been an angry person, but these days, he definitely has a very short fuse. Even his father doesn’t fuck with him anymore since he nearly hit him one night, when he wouldn’t let him sleep.

”How about you talk to Jason? He must understand what you’re going through.”

Brock shakes his head. ”I don’t really know him that well. And if people see me hanging out with him, the gossip will start that I’m suddenly a friend of the faggots and when they’ll turn me. They can go fuck themselves when it comes to me, but what about the pressure on you? Or the kids? I don’t want you to have to go through that.”

”Fine. Then please, talk to me. I’m worried sick about you.” Ada has tears in her eyes when he looks at her.

”I’m gonna be fine. It might take a while, but I’ll get there.” He promises and pulls her in his arms. He’s not sure he believes his own words, but what else is he supposed to say?

”Have you talked to Vanjie?” she asks when she breaks the hug.

”No.” The name alone is enough to make him want to hide in bed again.

”Why not?”

”What good would it do to drag this out longer? The quicker I get over him the better. And the same goes for him.”

”I still think it’s a mistake you let him go.” Ada points out, but Brock already knows her opinion.

”I know,” he simply replies and leans back agains the sofa, his legs suddenly feeling so heavy he can barely move them. ”But I also know that he’s better off without me and my fucked up life.”

*******

Brock is stacking the shelves during his mother’s lunch break, when a voice from behind makes him freeze.

”Hey Brock.”

”Hey,” he turns around and finds Jason in the store, holding milk and eggs.

”Can I pay?” He asks when Brock just remains quiet.

”Sure.”

”How’s Ada doing? I’m surprised she’s not back at the store yet.”

”The baby, Noah, he’s not sleeping well and keeps screaming day and night. Some digestion stuff babies get.”

”Sounds like the three month colic.” Jason hands over some bills. ”But shouldn’t be too much longer then. He’s nearly three months, right?”

”Yeah, tomorrow.” Brock nods. ”You know stuff about babies?”

”My boyfriend’s sister has two kids and we watch them sometimes when I’m there. I think, one day, ya know, we gonna have some kids of our own. We just gotta save some money first.”

”You can do that?” Brock wrinkles his forehead.

”Sure. I mean, none of us can carry them, of course,” Jason laughs. ”But we can adopt or use surrogacy, if we have enough money. We’ll see. I mean, we talked about it and we agreed we want kids, we just haven’t really talked about the details.”

”You gonna get married, too?”

”Maybe, maybe not. Because of the shit I see and hear around here I don’t really believe in marriage, but Chris is a romantic. He wants a big white wedding.”

Brock nods, but he can’t picture it. What would a gay wedding look like? Two guys in suits? Which minister would do the ceremony? Or wouldn’t it be at church? ”Here.” He quickly bags the items Jason just bought.

Jason looks around the store before he speaks. ”I know it isn’t my place and all, but… you look like hell. I’ve noticed that you kinda not ok since Vanj’ left. If you need to talk….”

”Did Ada sent you?” Brock gets angry.

”Ada knows?” Jason’t eyes widen and Brock understands that Ada didn’t send him. The surprise is genuine.

”Yeah, she knows. She told me the day she had Noah that she knows. She’s not gonna say anything to anyone though. I hope neither do you.”

”Of course not!”

”Good.”

”But Brock, still…. If you want to talk, need to talk, whatever,” he grabs a pen from the register and scribbles something down. ”Here’s my number. Call me if you don’t wanna be seen with me. You don’t have to, but… I’m a good listener, ok?”

”Ok.” He nods, takes the number and quickly puts it in his pocket. ”Hey Jason!” he calls out when the other man is nearly by the door.

”Mmh?”

”I’m sorry about the way you’re being treated… about the way I treated you.”

”You never did anything to me.” Jason looks surprised.

”Maybe. But I didn’t stick up for you either… I guess, now you know why.” Brock takes a deep breath before he can continue. ”But I should have. I’m not ashamed to be seen with you. Just… give me some time to… feel better and then maybe we can… grab a beer or something?”

”We can always grab a beer a town or two over. Even four, if that’s what you need. The offer stands.”

”Thank you,” Brock nods. The offer doesn’t make him feel any better, but he appreciates it anyway.

”Bye, man. Keep your head above the water, k?” Jason smiles and then leaves, just as Brock’s mother comes back.

”What did he want?” she asks once Jason is gone. She sounds like she's talking about vermin.

”Eggs and milk, or do you have a problem with that?” he snaps at her, picks up the next box of soda and slams it on the shelf.

*******

”You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find You in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand. And I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine…” Rachel sings loudly as she taps away on her phone.

”You think she’s old enough to a have a cellphone?” Brock asks his sister as he watches his niece, doing whatever.

”She’s old enough to watch her brothers and sisters, cook dinner and do the laundry. She’s a responsible girl and she can have a cellphone if she wants. We talked about what apps she can have and what games she can play. I also know what she’s posting on tiktok or insta and who she’s talking to on tumblr.”

”On what?” Brock has no idea what his sister is talking about.

”You’re getting old, little brother. There’s more you can do with a phone than text and call, ya know?” Ada laughs at him. ”Rachel? Can you come over and show your old uncle what tiktok and Instagram are?”

”You don’t know?” Rachel’s eyes are wide and her mouth hangs comically wide open, before she grabs her phone and rushes over to where Brock sits on the sofa.

”No, I don’t. I only know Tic Tacs,” he says and Rachel snorts wit laughter.

”You’re so dumb,” she giggles and taps something on the screen. ”See, this is tiktok. You can like choose some music or like a scene from a movie or something and then you do some moves, dance or act, or move your mouth or something.”

”Why?” Brock watches the video of Rachel, where she’s lip syncing to something that sounds like a movie scene.

”‘Cause it’s fun.” You wanna do one with me?”

”Uh, no.” Brock shakes his head.

”Please, uncle Brock! Pleeeease! Mommy sometimes does too!”

”You do?” He looks to his sister, who is currently breastfeeding the baby.

”It’s fun,” she laughs.

”Fine, what’d ya got?” he asks his niece and after a couple of tracks, they finally find one where Brock pretends to sneeze first and then Rachel follows before bursting in some kind of song. He whole thing makes no sense to Brock, but Rachel is having fun, giggling away as she shoots the video with him, chooses a filter and then uploads the madness.

”And see, this is instagram,” she lets him know and opens another app.

”I’m not sneezing again,”Brock warns her, and Rachel giggles again.

”You upload pics and like videos and stories and stuff.” She actually rolls her eyes at him. ”Oh look, Vanjie has uploaded a new video,” she says and before it fully registers with Brock what Rachel said, a clip of starts playing.

Jose starts the video, his face so close to the camera you can see the slight dust of freckles on his nose. Music is blaring in the background and then he starts dancing. Brock is sure whatever he does is good, but he’s not really paying attention to the dance moves. He takes in Jose’s outfit, the loose sweats and T-shirt. The backwards baseball hat on his head. The serious expression on his face. How his hair is shaved a different way and slightly bleached, from what he can see.

”Vanjie has instagram?” Ada asks once the short clip is over.

”Yeah. Usually he posts videos of his new moves and choreos and stuff. But he also has a pic with uncle Brock’s hat. He posted it yesterday,” Rachel reports and a second later there’s a picture on the screen, that Brock knows too well. Because he took it. It’s the one where Jose is wearing his old straw hat, smiling happily into the camera, taken back when they were still friends and Brock’s life had been a bit easier for a little while. It’s only been a bit over three months, but to Brock it feels like a lifetime ago.

As he looks at the picture he’s back in the moment, he can hear Jose’s laughter, feel the wind on his skin and smell Jose’s cologne. He’s happy again for that second.

”Steady as a preacher, free as a weed. Couldn't wait to get goin' but wasn't quite ready to leave. So innocent, pure and sweet, American honey,” Ada reads the caption out loud. ”That’s a song, right?” she asks her daughter while Brock still stares at the screen.

”Yup, but you can’t dance to it and it’s not from church,” Rachel replies, citing the rules she has for the music she’s allowed to listen to, not realising that her knowing the song basically gives her away.Then she shuts off the screen and Jose is once more gone from Brock's life. The wound where his heart used to be, ripped open again.

He needs to get instagram, Brock decides, because he needs to have that picture; needs it like the air he breathes.

”Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now! So I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine,” Rachel starts singing again and Ada gives his shoulder a squeeze as Brock gets lost in the memories and feelings for the man he's just seen in the picture.

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics in this chapter are taken from the songs "American Honey" by Lady Antebellum and "Oceans" by Hillsong United.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the break in updates to read quite a lot on racism, blm and white privilege.   
> I hope you're all being safe at the protests and wear your masks. Sadly, Corona isn't over yet.

**Seven**

_Jose hangs up the phone and disbelievingly stares at it for a moment. This call certainly didn’t play out how he thought it would, when he accepted it._

_He needs to sit down and makes his way to the couch, where Thackery is already snoozing away. Jose doesn’t care and picks him up anyway, cuddles him even though the cat tries to get away at first. He needs the attention, the cuddles and the comfort, his cat just has to deal with it._

_It had started with instagram request for a scheduled call. He thought it would entail some catching up, some chit chat and some funny stories. And yet, here he was, at a loss for words, with a heavy heart and with no fucking clue what to do._

_Rachel had told him she wanted to FaceTime him and because he liked her and hadn’t talked to her in a while, he agreed. Maybe, he had also been curious about her uncle, just maybe._

_Rachel hadn’t been alone though, her mother was with her when Jose picked up. After a short talk about dance and some other meaningless shit, Ada had sent her daughter away. Jose had feared that she would ask questions. Questions he wouldn’t be sure how to answer and would most likely have to resort to lies. He hadn’t expected Ada to know about Brock being gay and about their night together._

_Jose is still shocked about it and wonders about the circumstances of that confession. He doesn’t suspect that Brock just randomly came out to his sister. Ada had been on a roll though and so Jose hadn’t been able to stop her and ask for the story._

_Jose had hoped he’d find out how Brock was, but he hadn’t expected his sister to ask him to call Brock, beg him really, so Brock would finally talk to someone._

_Ada was worried, very worried, and therefore Jose was now losing his mind over the different scenarios that he feared Brock was suffering._

_He’d known all along that Brock was struggling with his mental health, but judging by what Ada described on the phone, things have taken a turn for the worse, even though Brock now has one ally who knows about him and his sexual orientation._

_Jason had also hinted before, that Brock wasn’t doing too well, but having his sister call and plead with you to help her, help her brother… Jose isn’t sure what to think or say or do._

_He told her that he’s tried texting and calling and she told him to keep doing it, start doing it again, really._

_He told her, he fears Brock will block his number and she assured him, he wouldn’t even know how to do it._

_She revealed, Brock got instagram so he could check out Jose's account, but doesn’t follow him. As if he’d be able to find him without his real name or his picture amongst his nearly 4 million followers, that fucking dumb-ass._

_The talk with Ada leaves Jose shaken, scared and very upset. He knows if he calls Brock, his call will not get picked up. Jose is sure if he texts him, he won’t get a reply. He doubts Brock will read the message before deleting it. But what other option does he have?_

_Jose doesn’t even understand why Brock is not talking to him anymore. They said goodbye with a hug after an amazing night together. Jose made it clear that Brock was always welcome to call and that he wanted to remain friends. Maybe their night together was a mistake after all? Maybe, if they didn’t have sex things wouldn’t be so fucked up now? But how was he supposed to say no? It was an impossible task for him, because he was drawn to Brock like a moth to the flame. Still is. Nothing is any easier now, than it was when he drove away and barely made it past the fucked up ”friendly community” sign until he had to pull over because he was crying so much he couldn’t see the road anymore. He had wanted to go back, turn the car around and hurry back, but nothing would have been different. Brock would still be in the closet, he still had to leave and there was still no future for them. He hadn’t know back then that it would hurt that bad for that long, because he had counted on a friendship, some contact to get the fix he craves._

_It also makes him angry because things could be so much easier if Brock wasn’t so damn stupid. They could talk and text. They could be friends at least, really good friends and maybe they could come up with a way on how to make them work sometime in the future, because it sure looks like it was just some spring dick romance._

_Brock is one stubborn motherfucker and apparently one who lives for the self-sacrifice, because Ada also let Jose know that Brock is ghosting him, because he doesn’t want to ruin Jose’s life. He wants him to move on and be happy with someone else. For a second Jose’s tempted to do exactly that, post some bullshit picture with some random guy and pretend it’s his new boo. That’s what Brock wants after all._

_But Jose is scared of his reaction, scared what might happen, if Brock is confronted with that image. Also, it would be a lie. Even after four months, Jose has not moved on, which has to mean something, right? He’s still reliving their one night together nearly every night. He dreams about their talks, hears Brock’s laughter as they stack the shelves together. He’s made the picture Brock took of him his lock screen and home screen. Not because it’s a picture of himself, but because he’s wearing Brock’s hat in it, because Brock took that picture and he still remembers that afternoon in all details. For a moment he was tempted to make the picture he has of Brock the background of his home and lock screen, but people would ask too many questions he has no answers to._

_He showed the picture to Silky and A’keria and they both agree he’s fine as hell, even though he looks tired. But nothing could ever make that beautiful man look bad._

_Jose opens the picture and stares into Brock’s smiling eyes on the screen. He misses him so much even just looking at his photo makes Jose want to cry._

_He’ll try, Jose decides. He’ll try to smoke him out one last time._

_He goes to instagram and uploads the video of his goofy dance that Brock secretly filmed, keeps in the part where Brock is laughing and teasing him. The bible fanatics surely won’t follow him on instagram and out of those who do, only Ada and Jason know Brock’s voice. It’s not like he’s saying anything suspicious and he can’t even be seen. Mostly he’s just laughing and Jose loves the sound, more so because it always helps him keep the tears at bay when he misses him too much._

_‘Remember this? Different kind of spring dance. I miss those days. #Imissyou’ he writes as a caption and posts it. Hopefully there will be some kind of reaction from the man he still can’t forget and still loves, even though he’s fucking dumb._

*******

”Ada? Where did you put the turnips?” Brock yells from the front of the store to the back of the store. Ever since his sister has been back full time, he can’t find anything anymore. It adds to the general annoyance he always feels these days, that's constantly bubbling under the surface and now makes him want to throw the fucking boxes through the store or just burn the vegetables altogether. Who needs turnips anyway?

”They’re underneath the radish stand,” comes Ada’s reply.

”No, they’re not. That’s where they’re supposed to be, but I have no fucking idea where you put them.” How is supposed to restock them if he can’t find them? The throbbing behind his eyes intensifies.

”Watch your mouth. I don’t wanna have Noah cussing and cursing.” Ada lectures him as she walks out of the small office with Noah in her arms.

”He’s four months old. It’ll still be a while until he can say mama or cuss,” Brock rolls his eyes.

”Here, hold him Mr. Know-it-all.” She hands him the baby and starts looking for the turnips herself.

”Will you start cussing us all out Noah? Or will you be a good boy?” Brock coos at the baby and bounces him up and down on his arm. He’s spent a lot of time around him since he was born and it’s obvious that the little boy knows him, by the way he smiles at him. A second later a gush of milk and drool comes out of his mouth and runs down Brock’s arm. ”Great, cussing would be less disgusting, you know.” Brock shakes his head and turns around to find something to clean himself.

”Need a tissue?” Brock swirls back around. He can’t believe his eyes and shakes his head. This can’t be true. He stares disbelievingly, but the strong scent of cologne in the air that makes his headache intensify, lets him know that it’s real. He’s not hallucinating; Jose is back and his stomach drops. ”Here, let me help ya,” the smaller man says and wipes Brock’s arm clean with the tissues he holds. ”There ya go.”

They just stare at each other then, Brock still not really believing that Jose’s here, looking at him with a tiny, shy smile and those large brown eyes of his. His hair is longer than it was, it's shaved differently and bleached on one side. There's some stubble on his face and he's wearing different earrings; the diamond studs have been replaced with black ones. He's even more beautiful now, something Brock never thought possible, either.

”What are you doing here?” Brock finally finds his voice.

”Checking on ya treacherous ass. You don’t pick up your phone, don’t call me back, don’t reply to my messages. What’s a guy gotta do?” Jose tries to joke, but his voice isn’t as loud as it usually is and his hands are slightly shaking.

”You shouldn’t be here,” Brock starts to panic. Jose can’t be here! Everything will be for nothing! All his attempts to get over him and forget about him. The pain and the restraint whenever he watched his phone ring and ring, but hadn’t picked up. All the messages he deleted after reading them, everything inside him wanting to reply, wanting to call Jose back and just hear his voice. All the fights with his parents, Ada’s attempts to help him… If Jose sticks around everybody will find out what he is, people will talk, they will wonder and ultimately they will put two and two together and realize that Jose’s back because he had sex with him and wants to get in his pants again. Then his parents find out and he'll lose… what exactly, Brock suddenly wonders. The thought makes him livid.

Why can’t Jose accept his decision? Why can’t he respect that he can’t have him in his life? Why can’t he see that he’s not good for Jose and will only drag him down with him? What does this beautiful, charming and charismatic man, with more money than he could ever dream of, friends and a career, want with him, a loser who is in the closet, suffers from anxiety and still lives with his parents? It’s a cruel joke god’s playing on him, that’s what it is. This is why he’s never done this before. Anonymous random hook ups with strangers are safer, because they surely can’t just come back and find you when they want.

”I can be wherever I wanna be, right Noah, my man? You remember me? You remember uncle Vanjie?” Jose baby talks to his nephew and if Brock wasn’t so angry again, he'd find it cute. Lately, he’s always angry and he rarely knows why.

”Fine, then you stay here, I’m gonna leave.” Brock says and looks around for his sister so she can take his nephew from him.

”Why you being such an asshole to me? I haven’t done nothing to you! Actually, I came back, ‘cause I was worried.” Jose gets louder as well and Brock can see Mr. Smith in the other aisle lift his head, clearly curious about what’s going on.

”No one needs to worry about me, least of all you. It’s none of your fucking business what’s going on with me. I don’t wanna talk to you, I don’t wanna text you. I want you to leave me the fuck alone! There, is that clear enough, in case me ignoring you wasn’t?” Brock hisses at him. Suddenly Ada is there beside him and he puts the baby in her arms.

”You’re a motherfucking jerk, you stupid, stuck-up, emotionally stunted asshole!” Jose roars and Brock blinks, because for a second he thinks Jose might actually hit him. He suddenly seems taller than him, he’s so angry he’s vibrating and his eyes are black at this point.

”Brock, ya better leave,” Ada tells him and places a hand on Vanjie’s arm. So much for the family support and loyalty. Since when is his own sister on Jose’s side? Shouldn’t she know why Brock is acting like he is?

Without another look at either of them, Brock hurries out of the store and slams the door behind him, so hard the glass nearly bursts.

He doesn’t take the car that is parked in front of the store, because he has no intention of going back to his parent’s farm and back to work. He’s tempted to kick Jose’s overly shiny and way too expensive car, but doesn’t.

Instead he stalks off into the empty fields, over the dry sand and small rocks, just to get away from everything.

Especially from the man with the expressive eyes and the ever-present scent of cologne, who used to be the person he dreamed about being with and who has now become his live-and-in-flesh nightmare.

*******

Days later, Brock knows he has been played as soon as the black Porsche pulls up to his sister’s house. For two days, he managed to avoid Jose and he hoped that he would be gone by now, but no such luck.

When his sister had asked him to come over and help her run some errants he hadn’t become suspicious. Not even when he got there and she told him she had the kids and he had to go alone. Only when Jose drove up to the house, did he understand what was going on.

”You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he curses as Rachel runs off to give Jose a hug when he gets out of the car. The fact that said man is responsible for him not sleeping a wink the last two nights doesn’t help his mood.

”I thought I’d be more comfortable to take Jose’s car in this heat. It’s a two hour drive one way, ya know,” Ada shrugs and looks so innocent, that Brock nearly doubts she has anything to do with this.

”More comfortable?” Brock snorts about the fucking irony. There are very few places at the moment he’d be less comfortable in than in Jose’s car or anywhere where Jose is, really. It’s just so hard to be around him and knowing he has to push him away with all his might, while he wants nothing more than to just run to him and burry himself in his arms and never let go. It's another wish in his fucked up life that will never come true, because he can’t allow himself to make it come true. He has to make sure at least Jose can be happy in the long run, so annoying him a bit now so he won’t get hurt might be the safest course of action. He has to protect those he loves and he absolutely loves Jose.

”What? You gonna throw a fit like a two year old? Vanjie’s right, ya know, you acting like an asshole,” Ada lectures him. ”Get into the car and be nice to him. He’s only helping us out and ya should be grateful not rude.”

”Yes, mom,” he rolls his eyes, gets into the passenger’s seat of the car and closes the door. It’s blissfully cool inside, the AC blasting as well as the music. Jose is still talking to Rachel and his sister outside and smiles and babbles with Noah. Brock has to smile at the picture, but stops himself when he realises what he’s doing and quickly looks away before he can get caught.

”Ya ready?” Jose’s tone is harsh, maybe unnerved and surely not as friendly, funny or warm as it used to be.

Brock grunts in reply and looks out the side window. He can see Jose’s reflection in it, the way his jaw clenches and how his eyebrows are drawn together. He looks as tense as Brock feels, which strangely enough makes him relax a bit.

Brock watches the landscape fly by as they drive out of town. It’s been a while since he’s been to Dallas, but this time they got no choice.Ada has given him a long list with things she needs and errants he needs to run for her. Usually she makes the trip once a month, but with Noah and looking after Brock, she hasn’t been in a while.

The whole drive Jose doesn’t say a word and neither does Brock. He’s glad when Jose turns the volume of the music up even more, so the silence between them isn’t as painfully obvious.

Also, it’s a good distraction. Whenever he gets too caught up in his thoughts and feelings, thinks about talking to Jose and apologising to him, maybe even reach over and take his hand, then he concentrates on the unfamiliar music and the beat.

”How long are ya gonna take?” Jose asks when he has parked the car in the parking space of the wholesale market.

”Maybe about an hour or two?” His tone is softer now, because the brusk way Jose treats him hurts. Brock wants him gone and leave him alone, but just so they can both stop hurting. He knows he’s hurt Jose with his silence, but it was for his own good. Being around him however and not being able to talk to him and Jose acting this cold towards him, is torture. All of Brock's wounds are open and bleeding again.

”Imma be back in two hours,” Jose doesn’t even look at him as he speaks, he is staring out the front windshield.

”Jose…,” Brock starts, but then stops himself. He doesn’t really know what to say and he should leave it anyway. ”Two hours, ok.” He gets out of the car and as soon as the door closes behind him, Jose speeds off and leaves him stranded at the parking space.

When the two hours are up and Jose isn’t back, Brock worries that he’s just left him there. He thinks about calling him, but it doesn’t feel right to call him now, when he has been avoiding his calls for months. So he waits in the burning heat, his sister’s purchases under his arm and all around him.

After thirty minutes Jose finally pulls up. He doesn’t say anything as Brock puts the things in the trunk and Brock can see that Jose has done some shopping himself. There’s bags with clothes and shoes, all of them brands Brock could never afford.

It’s getting dark as they drive back and Brock feels more and more tired. They are still not talking, because there’s too much that needs to be said, but more that needs to be kept in.It makes Brock even more tired and exhausted, physically and emotionally.

He leans his head back against the headrest and enjoys the feeling of the soft leather against his cheek, the cool air of the AC hitting his overheated face. He breathes in deeply, lets Jose’s scent wash over him, a mix with the scent of the leather of the seats and the night air.

Brock finally gives in and closes his eyes because they’re burning. He lets his left hand come to rest on the middle console.

He’s basically asleep when it registers in is subconsciousness that Jose's fingers are laced through his, as he drives him back home. The warmth of the touch spreads from Brock’s fingertips through his whole body.

*******

”Brock! Ada!” It’s his father who is yelling and Brock wonders if he’s only angry or also drunk. It’s barely noon and usually his father isn’t drunk at this time, but neither is he usually this angry.

”Hey dad,” Ada remains as friendly as ever, but Brock notices that she left the baby in the back, while four of her other kids are playing in the aisles of the store.

”Can y’all tell me what ya doing hanging out with that… guy?” his father comes straight to the point.

”What are you talking about?” Brock decides to play dumb, while he is secretly itching for a fight, has so for weeks.

”Don’t pretend ya don’t know what I’m talking about! Wilson just told me that the gay danceris back in town and he’s been here in the store. And you’ve been seen with him at night when ya been taking stuff from his car!” Brock’s stomach clenches and he’s suddenly nauseous.

”You mean Vanjie? He helped us out by driving to Dallas and picking up stuff at the wholesale market.” Ada's explanation sounds so innocent.

”Why’s he even back here?”

”Visiting Jason again?” Ada lies. They both know that’s not why Jose is back, even though they haven’t talked about it. Brock doesn’t really know yet how much his sister is involved in Jose coming back, but his gut tells him it’s a whole lot.

”And what do you have to do with Jason?” his father asks, then slams his cane to the ground. ”You stay away from these people, ya hear me? Both of you. And you,” he turns to Rachel, who has been watching the whole talk, ”no more dance lessons with the gays, no more of this music and these dance moves. No grand-daughter of mine will behave or dress like a whore!”

”Enough!” Ada raises her voice. ”You will not talk to my daughter that way or call her names.”

”I will talk to your daughter whichever way I want.”

”No, you won’t!” Ada interrupts him, her face red with anger. ”And while we’re at it: You will not talk to my children that way, you won’t swear or curse around’em, you won’t be drunk around’em and you won’t tell’em what to do. You hear me?” Brock stares at his sister in awe. The Lioness has entered and is fighting for her cubs.

”How dare you talk to me this way? Who do you think you are?” his father roars and steps closer to Ada, who doesn’t move an inch, even as Rachel hurries to her side.

”Don’t you dare!” Brock intervenes and steps between his father and his sister and niece, pushing him back. ”Don’t even think about it,” he hisses when he sees his father’s grip on his cane tighten.

”You think you can tell me what to do? The lover of all wronged and friend to all faggots. You’re a disgrace! All of you! God will punish you for the way you’re behaving! Mark my words.”

”Out!” Ada says, still not moving an inch, even though her father is still towering over her, with only Brock in between to stop him.

”You can’t throw me out. I’m your father!” The cane lifts off the ground, but Brock pushes his father backwards and into a shelf. It’s not a hard push, but it’s enough to put him off balance so he needs his cane back on the ground to catch himself.

”You heard Ada. Leave! Now!”

His father gapes at him in disbelieve and with anger written all over his face. He’s livid, but Brock’s anger matches his father’s.

”And don’t you dare ever raising a hand against my sister or niece ever again,” Brock adds, because at this moment for whatever reason he has the courage to do it. If his father’d try to beat him up, punch him and kick him like he used to do with them when they were kids, Brock would finally have an outlet for months of frustration and anger, because he would fight back this time.

”We’ve had enough of your anger and your cursing and your aggression. You’re a bully and a drunk. You talk about god and the church and you beat your own wife and children. Get the hell out of my store!” Ada yells. With one look back, his father leaves. Both Brock and Ada are breathing hard once he’s finally gone Rachel holding on to Ada's side. They share a disbelieving look about what they just did and Brock feels a mixture of elation and fear.

”Mommy, you said hell,” Rachel timidly points out and makes the two adults in the room smile, as the random observation lightens the mood.

”I know, I’m sorry. I’ll ask for forgiveness later,” Ada tries hard not to laugh. ”Rachel, baby, will you check on Noah in the back?” She waits until her daughter is gone before she speaks again. ”Thank you.”

”There’s absolutely nothing you have to thank me for. I should have stepped in before when he got so aggressive towards you.”

”I don’t care what he does to me, even though Joe had a talk with him about that before. But he doesn’t lay a hand on my children. I won’t have it!”

”You’re a great mom, Ada. I wish our mom was as strong as you,” Brock quickly reaches over and gives her a hug.

”Speaking of mom: Can you go and check on her? I’d hate it if he lets out his frustration on her and uses her as a punching bag.”

”Sure. You gonna be ok here with all the kids?”

”Of course. They’ll help me serve the customers,” Ada smiles and places a kiss on Brock’s cheek.

*******

”Mom? Mom?” Brock calls as he enters the house and listens carefully for any sounds of a fight or a beating.

”Brock? What’s wrong?” She comes out of the kitchen, a kitchen knife still in her hands.

”Nothing, just… was dad here?”

”Yes, he came home, but then left again.” She says.

”Did he hurt you?” It’s the first time Brock has ever asked her this directly. They all know that his father beats his mother and they’ve all seen it. But no one ever talks about it.His mother looks surprised about the question, but then slowly shakes her head.

”No, he was upset and was cursing Ada, Rachel and you. That’s all.”

”So he didn’t hit you?” He asks again, just so they’re clear.

”No.” At his mother’s reassurance, Brock feels relieved. ”What happened?”

”He came into the store and was angry about Jason’s friend helping out Ada. He cursed in front of the kids, told Rachel she wasn’t allowed to go to dance class anymore and threatened Ada.”

”What do you mean threatened?”

”He nearly hit her with the cane.”

”He’s her father.” His mother replies with a shrug, like that explains everything.

”Exactly, he’s our father and your husband and that still doesn’t give him the right to beat any of us. It’s wrong now that we’re all adults and it was even worse when we were kids.”

”Kids need to learn to respect their parents and behave. Otherwise they won’t behave outside in society and that’s not god’s way. They need to have respect.”

”We never respected him, mom. We feared him,” Brock sighs and sits down on the sofa. ”Ada threw him out of the store when he threatened Rachel. I think she’s finally had enough. I had to step in. I won’t have him beat up my sister or my niece.”

”It’s not right Brock, none of it. Rachel shouldn’t be with these gay people and listen to this music and wear these clothes. Ada shouldn’t disrespect her father. And you, you’ve changed. You’re not even going to church anymore and hang out with the wrong people. Your father was just upset and he has a right to be.”

”So you agree with him?”

”I agree with his opinion, but not with the beatings,” she finally admits.

”Jose, that’s Jason’s friend, helped us out a lot, while he was here the last time. Without him I wouldn’t have been able to get to Dan when he was in hospital, Rachel would have had to ride her bike alone in the middle of the night and Noah would have been born either at home or somewhere between here and the hospital.” Talking about it makes Brock feel even worse about the way he treated Jose.”And Jason isn’t a bad person either. He cares about the kids and is a good teacher. I don’t know him that well, but he’s always friendly, even though everyone in this town treats him like crap. I’ve decided that I’ve had enough, mom. Enough of the hate that the reverend preaches and enough of the prejudices and the pettiness. The bible talks about love and compassion, but all the reverend gives us are rules on how to mistreat and judge each other. I can’t do it no more. It makes me sick. I work from morning till night, seven days a week. I help Ada and I help Dan on top of running this farm. I have no life of my own and I’ve never complained. But I won’t be controlled anymore, not by dad and not by the reverend.” Brock tells his mother with all the seriousness the matter needs. He has never talked to his mother as openly before. It's not like she ever asked about his thoughts. ”Rachel is a child and all Ada wants for her is to have some fun. We never had any fun growing up, mom. There was church and school and work. And in between the beatings from dad. I don’t blame you, but I can’t pretend that I understand you either.” He sighs heavily. ”All I’m saying is that I’ve had enough. No more.”

”What does that mean? You leaving?” His mother asks him, her face unreadable.

”Do you want me to leave?”

”No, of course not,” she shakes her head. ”Who’s supposed to do the work around here, if you leave?”

That one hits him harder than his father's beatings ever could and leaves him gasp for his next breath. Then Brock swallows hard, clears his voice. ”Is that the only reason? The farm? Work?” It’s hard to keep the tears at bay, when it’s made clear to him that that’s all he is, even for his mother: a worker, stable boy, another source of income.

”No,” she says finally, her face still stoic. Then she gets up and gives his shoulder a squeeze. ”No,” she repeats quietly and disappears back into the kitchen.

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed some distraction from reality. So I edited the chapter again... Here we go. Buckle your seatbelts!

**Eight**

_Jose is completely lost in the beat of the music and his own movements, when suddenly the beat stops and the music is turned off._

_”Hey!”_

_”Vanj’ it’s one am, I’d like to sleep for a bit, but my bedroom is right above the studio,” Jason points out and Jose is shocked when he hears what time it is._

_”Sorry, mami, didn’t realise how late it is.”_

_”It’s ok. But why are you still here?”_

_”I don’t know. Can’t sleep, I guess.” Jose knows exactly why he can’t sleep, but he doesn’t really want to talk about it._

_”How’s it going with Brock?” Jason addresses the elephant in the room anyway and sits down crosslegged on the floor._

_”Child… nothing’s going. I think I should have stayed my ass home in L.A.” Jose sits down beside his friend._

_”So you’re not back together?”_

_”The asshole’s not even really talking to me and when he does, he’s yelling, telling me to go the fuck home and leave him alone.” Jose mumbles, because the words are hard to get over the lips. He doesn’t want to say them. ”And we was never together.”_

_”But you want to be.”_

_”I don’t know,” Jose shrugs helplessly. ”I still can’t see how’d work.”_

_”Isn’t that why you here though? To get him back, or like, get ya man?”_

_”Nah, mami, that’s not why I’m here. I’m here ‘cause Miss Ada scared the shit out of me when she told me how bad things had got. I tried posting shit online, knowing he’d see it. I tried calling again, I texted… but the motherfucker never reacted. I was worried he’d hurt himself and jumped into the car, texted Ada I was on my way and came here. Just to be told to fucking leave him alone.” It’s good to get it off his chest, when he’s been keeping it all inside for the last five days._

_”He still didn’t talk when you went to Dallas together?”_

_”Not a single word.” Jose shakes his head. ”He slept though.” He adds, but Jason just nods and shrugs a little, because he doesn’t understand the importance of that little detail._

_Brock had fallen asleep in his car, his head turned in his direction, his fingers laced with Jose’s on the middle console. They had only been twenty minutes from home when Brock fell asleep and Jose kept driving. He drove around in the dark, not really knowing where he was going. At some point, when Brock slouched more and more in the seat, Jose turned off the road and into a field somewhere along the road. He parked on the gravel road, unbuckled his seatbelt and Brock’s and pulled him against him, when he basically fell into him. Brock didn’t even budge, he was so fast asleep. Jose thought long and hard as he held Brock in the car, the situation not too different from the last time Brock had slept in his arms on the couch in Jason’s guest apartment. But Brock felt different. Thinner, more tense, less tall in a way. Jose leaned his cheek against Brock’s head and felt needed. Brock’s a stubborn motherfucker, who refuses help, but he needs him, wether he wants to admit it or not._

_Jose is still convinced of that two days later, but Brock’s behaviour is starting to wear him down. The hostility hurts like a bitch and every time Brock remains silent, ignores him or tells him to leave, Jose loses hope a little bit more. It’s not even about a love story anymore; it’s about a friendship, a gay man in need or just aperson who needs help, plain and simple. If Jose didn’t love him as much, itwouldn’t hurt as badly._

_”Well, you’re here now and I don’t think you drove all the way just to give up like this.” Jason gives him an encouraging smile._

_”I don’t even know if it’s worth to keep fighting. I don’t even know for what? That he talks to me or gets fucking forced into some kind of weird ass friendship with me? If he don’t want me here, maybe I should just leave.”_

_”Jo, I’ve know him all my life and he’s never been anything but polite to everyone. Even if he hated someone’s guts, he was at least cordial and aloof. Now, if he’s like that upset you’re here and pushes you away that hard, that means something.” Jason wraps one arm around his shoulders and gives him a hug. ”I think you should stay here and wait until he can’t resist no more. I didn’t tell ya, because we kind of avoided the subject, but when you left, he was sobbing right outside that door and I had to bring him inside so people wouldn’t see him losing it. That’s not something a guy does who doesn’t feel anything for you.”_

_”Then he’s an even bigger dumb-ass than I thunk.” Jose sighs and places his head on Jason’s shoulder._

_”That he is. But you wouldn’t be in love with him if he wasn’t.” Jose playfully punches Jason’s thigh and they both grin._

*******

Brock is incredibly wary when he gets called to Jason’s dance studio to once more fix the faulty air-conditioning. He wishes Jason would just throw the damn thing out and get a new one, so he wouldn’t have to fix it very couple of weeks, especially now that Jose is back. Since Ada tricked him into driving to Dallas with Jose, he always suspects the Puerto-Rican to pop up somewhereand the two of them be pushed together again. It’s only been a couple of days since the trip, but he still hasn’t really recovered from it and keeps looking over his shoulder, metaphorically speaking.

When he’d woken up in the car hours after they were supposed to be home, he had awkwardly untangled from Jose and had asked him what they were doing parked in the open field. Jose told him that he didn’t want to wake him and then drove him home without so much as another word. He hadn’t got out of the car as Brock took out the bags and Jose was gone as soon as Brock closed the trunk. Since then he hasn’t seen him, which makes him feel even worse. He fears that Jose is gone, as much as he fears that he is still around.

Brock thinks that if he sees Jose again, he should maybe just explain himself. Jose hadn’t been as hostile when he got here at first. It was him, completely overwhelmed and always angry, who had been rude right from the start, without any reason. It was highly unfair, Brock knows that, but he’s not sure what the best plan of action is. He doesn’t know Jose well enough to figure out which way will be better: Talking to him and letting him know they should both go their separate ways, because it’s better for Jose in the long run, or just shutting him out and not discussing the issue with him. It’s made harder by the fact that Brock longs to talk to him, just to tell him about his days, what he’s done, what he’s seen, the fights he’s had with his father and the way the kitten he named Henry, is still following him around and is waiting for him every day when he gets home.

To his biggest surprise, it’s Jason who is waiting for him, while he can hear the blaring music from the dance studio.

”Don’t worry, it’s just Vanjie who is working on new choreo. He’ll be in there until the middle of the night and won’t bother you,” Jason tells him when he glances at the door of the room.

”He doesn’t bother me,” Brock shrugs and sets up the ladder he needs to climb up to the air conditioning device. He will take it down today, disassemble it completely and only put it back together when he knows exactly what is wrong, once and for all.

”Alright then, just close the door behind you when you leave, Jose will lock it once he’s done. Good night.” And with that Jason is gone.

It’s hard to concentrate when you know that the man you both love and fear is just behind the door, but somehow Brock manages to keep his mind on the job at hand.

”Oh, I didn’t think you’re still here. The banging stopped a while ago,” Jose’s voice makes him look up a long while later, when he’s just trying to rewire the whole unit. He sounds surprised, wary and already harsh.

”Fixing the electric doesn’t include banging,” Brock shrugs. Jose just nods and turns to leave. ”Hey, uhm, Jose?” Brock adds quickly, because he can’t bear to watch him walk away from him again.

”Mh?”

”I just… like…” Seeing the unnerved look on Jose’s face, Brock loses his courage. ”Forget it.”

”No, spit it out,” Jose comes back, arms crossed in front of his chest, chin raised.

”It’s… it’s not important.”

Jose huffs. ”Not important, huh? You’re such a fucking asshole. Just stop talking to me then.”

”Why are you being like this?” Brock asks, puts down the tools and stands up. He knows he has messed up, but Jose has never been plain out hostile before.

”Why am I… Bitch!” Jose turns red in the face, his arms uncross and his fists clench. ”You’re the most unfeeling and cruelest motherfucker I’ve ever come across! But I guess that’s how your fucked up family treats people and you no exception! What’s next? You gonna beat me up? Spit at me? You’ve fucking hurt me enough!” Jose is yelling now.

”I’ve never hurt you!” Brock yells back, because he is absolutely sure he’s never laid hands on Jose, hit him or harmed him otherwise.

”You’re fucking hurting me right now! Right here!” Suddenly there are tears in Jose’s eyes and that’s even worse than Jose’s anger. ”This shit right here, hurts so bad. You hot and cold, push me away just to start talking to me again. You say you my friend, then beg me to make love with you, just to ghost me. You’re so fucked up you don’t care about nothing but your own feelings and your own misery and your own fucked up life. You haven’t ask me once how I am. Not months ago, not now. Like the absolute idiot that I am, I come back here to help you and what do I get? Nothing but rudeness and silence.”

”I never asked you to come back! I wanted you to stay away from me, from this town, so you would be happy and won’t get hurt. I know I’m fucked up, that’s why I didn’t want to ruin your perfect life, in the perfect town far away from here.”

”What do you know about my life? Nothing, that’s what! If you’d asked even once, you’d know about my own fucked up family, the racism in the industry, the threats I get online ‘cause I’m gay. Your hillbilly ass don’t know nothing about how my ex cheated on me and then abused me, ‘cause you never fucking asked! Took me two long years to kick his ass out and now, just my fucking luck, when I finally made it through it all, I fall in love with a guy who doesn’t fucking want me and wastes away right in front of my eyes, because he’d rather be fucking unhappy than be himself. You used me for one night only and now you don’t give a shit about me or you wouldn’t hurt me like that.” Jose is yelling again. But he’s also crying, tears dripping off his nose, though he tries to stop them by wiping at his eyes every couple of seconds.

If Brock thought he felt horrible before, he’s learning now that nothing compares to watching the man you love break down in front of your eyes. He feels helpless, he feels sad, he feels Jose’s pain and he knows it’s all his fault. No one is allowed to hurt Jose, not even himself. He can’t stand seeing Jose cry.

Jose is sweaty from the training, but his skin is cool when Brock pulls him against him and holds him tightly. He feels Jose’s sobs against his chest and doesn’t really know what to do, other than hold him.

”I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Brock keeps repeating as he presses kiss after kiss to Jose’s damp forehead. ”Of course I care about you. I love you, too. And I’m so so sorry.” If Brock could take his pain, he’d do it gladly, even if he’d feel even worse.

”You better be,” Jose sniffs once he has calmed down a bit. ”Fuck, I missed you,” he says and adjusts his hold on Brock, wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face in Brock’s shoulder.

”I really am sorry, papi.”

When Jose looks up, their eyes meet and they both lean in simultaneously. Finally, after all these months, Brock feels Jose’s lips back on his. This kiss is sweeter than all those before. Brock knows what he feels for Jose is real and it’s not going away and this kiss isn’t just to say goodbye.With a heavy heart he stops, before the kiss can escalate even further, but keeps Jose close. ”Can we talk?”

”We better, before we continue this and things will get even more fucked up.” Jose agrees but doesn’t let go of him either. Instead he leans his forehead against Brock’s chest, seeking more physical contact.

”I just have to finish here first.” Brock wrinkles his forehead as he looks at the chaos of the still disassembled AC and runs his fingers through Jose’s sweaty hair.

”Leave it. We talk and Imma help you later, k?” He places a kiss to the middle of Brock’s chest before he stands back up straight.

”Ok.”

With that Jose takes his hands and leads him upstairs to his apartment.

*******

”Did you bring Thackery again?” Brock asks as he gets dragged into the apartment.

”Yeah,bet the lazy fucker’s sleeping somewhere,” Jose nods, leans against the closed door and pulls Brock’s head down to kiss him again. It’s a lot more heated than any of their previous kisses. Brock is easily lured into the kiss and pushes Jose against the door. He holds him up, Jose’s legs slung around his waist as they kiss each other senseless, noses bumping, tongues battling and the occasional bite in between. After a while, Jose finds his common sense again and breaks the kiss, much to Brock’s disappointment. He doesn’t want to stop because this is the first time in months he doesn’t feel like shit.

”Fuuuuck, we was supposed to talk not make out,” Jose groans as the back of his head hits the door. There’s a small smile on his kiss-swollen lips.

”Then let’s do that.” Gently Brock lets him down and they sit down on the sofa.

”You wanna drink something?”

”No, not really. I’m too nervous.” There’s a sense of doom still hanging over his head. Jose’s acceptance of his apology and his enthusiastic kiss should give him hope that they will somehow find some common ground, but he doesn’t trust it. He never trusts anything good that happens to him, because it never lasts. Why would this thing with Jose be any different, when he can see absolutely no reason why he would want to be with him for longer than one night. He might think he loves him, but what about when his parents find out? What when he has no more place to live, no job, no car, no nothing. What will Jose think then, when at the same time he has his life sorted out in L.A. He doesn’t need his problems and Brock can’t understands why he has come back to dive head first back into them.

”Nervous? You didn’t get nervous when you ravished me against that door,” Jose points out.

”I didn’t….” The shit eating smirk on Jose’s face stops Brock’s protest. ”Idiot.” They smile at each other and it lightens the mood a bit.

Brock doesn’t really know where to start or how to explain himself. He wants Jose to be happy, but he’s not sure how to achieve it: By staying away or by being with him.

”What do ya want, Brock? What do you want from me?” Jose finally asks, his voice soft and quiet, maybe a little scared, but he keeps up the eye contact, which is unnerving.

”I… I know that you’re better off without me in the long run. None of what’s here in this town and with me is anything that will make you happy.I have nothing to offer you and I don’t know why you came back. That’s why I should push you away again, make you go back to L.A..”

”I didn’t ask what you think you should do, I asked what you want. You know, that’s different.”

Brock doesn’t have to think about it, he knows what he wants, even if he can’t have it. ”I want to be with you.” Jose smiles. ”But I shouldn’t because…” He is silenced with a kiss.

”I wanna be with you, too.” Now Brock is smiling, can’t help it when Jose looks at him like this, all cute and with all the love shining in his eyes. ”Now we just gotta figure out how we do that.”

”Do you really think we could make it work? Why do you want… me?” Brock is still doubtful. He’s never even allowed himself to hope that this could come true.

”It’ll work if we wanna make it work. We just gotta put the work in.” Jose is so sure about it, that his optimism is contagious. ”And I want you, ‘cause I don’t choose who I fall in love with, it just happens. And you’re funny and sweet and you don’t do me dirty, you have a good heart and love your family.You’re not a player nd you don’t give a shit about my fame. You don’t even really know anything about the people I work with. You no fame chaser and you care about me, Jose, not Vanjie. And it’s not a bad thing either that you hot as fuck.” Brock’s smile gets wider and he has to kiss him again. As they make out once more, Brock ends up lying on top of Jose, their legs tangled on the couch as they kiss and can’t stop. It’s a weird thing, considering that Brock went his whole adult life without being as helplessly subjected to his own primal urges; but around Jose he can’t help himself. For four long months he’s missed him and he’s denied himself even the hope of ever being with him again. And yet, here they are, helplessly and stupidly in love with one another.

”Before we gonna get down and real dirty, I have to take a shower. I’m all disgusting,” Jose mumbles in between kisses.

”You’re not disgusting.” To demonstrate it, he sucks and licks the skin beneath Jose’s ear, tasting the salty sweat.

”You can always join me in the shower, if ya know what I’m saying,” he grins up at him. When the words register with Brock, he basically jumps up and makes Jose laugh out loud. ”You such a dork.”

”Oh shut up and lead the way!” Brock laughs with him, his head already full of fantasies about Jose in the shower, his skin wet and the room full of steam as their bodies glide against each other.

It’s a bit awkward to get undressed in front of each other, while not undressing each other, Brock thinks. He’s never been one to play any kind of sports that needed locker rooms and community showers. He steals glances at Jose, who throws his sweaty clothes into the hamper, while Brock folds his carefully. He’ll need them later.

They climb into the tub and start kissing again as soon as Jose has turned on the water. It’s more fun than sexy, Brock finds, as he washes Jose’s hair and steals kisses while Jose keeps complaining about the suds running in his eyes. Brock styles his hair, so it’s sticking up, held up by the foam.

”What are you doing?” Jose asks him, still wiping at his eyes.

”Nothing,” Brock giggles and wipes Jose’s eyes with a towel. ”You look like a porcupine,” he finally points out.

Jose shakes his head. ”I should kick your bitch ass for all the shit you put me through. This,” he points to his hair, ”is just the top of the iceberg.”

”Tip of the iceberg, babe.” Jose gives him a death stare, which makes Brock laugh. ”I’m sorry.”

”It’s ok. You can make it up to me.”

Brock wraps his arms around Jose’s waist as he tips his head back and rinses out the shampoo. ”How?”

”Like this.” Jose pushes at his shoulders, so he goes down on his knees. If this is the penance Brock has to do, he does so gladly, Brock thinks, as he takes Jose’s half hard cock in his mouth.

He takes his time licking and blowing him. He moves his mouth down, sucks his balls and finally turns him around and does something he’s never had the urge to do before, and rims him. The sounds Jose makes above him are delicious and by the time he turns off the now cold water, they’re both fully hard.

Thackery is spread out across the bed when they make it into the bedroom, both still more wet than towelled dry. Jose picks the cat up, puts him in the hallway and closes the door.

”He’s a voyeur?” Brock smiles and sits down on the bed.

”No idea, but I’m not fucking with my cat in the room. That’s just sick. I’d feel like a perv,” Jose scrunches up his face in the cutest way and straddles Brock’s lap. ”Here we are again.”

”Mmh. Only you won’t leave tomorrow.” As soon as he’s spoken the words, it registers with him that he never actually asked. ”You won’t, right?”

”No, I won’t. Can’t leave you idiot alone for too long or you go nuts.” Jose looks at him with such tenderness that Brock lowers his eyes so he won’t start crying. ”We gonna make this work, I promise. Tomorrow we’ll come up with a plan. I like you too much to be ignored by you again. And by the weight you’ve lost, I’d say you weren’t doing too great either.”

”I missed you so much.” Brock admits and looks at him again. ”I love you.”

They let their bodies talk afterwards and neither lasts too long. They’ve been apart for too long and they are both exhausted. Jose gets up once more to let Thackery back into the room and then they fall asleep, naked and holding each other close.

*******

Brock watches Jose as he wakes up. He’s barely opened his eyes when he’s already smiling sleepily because he sees him.

”Morning.”

”Good morning,” Brock replies and gives him a kiss.

”What time is it?” Jose rolls towards him and places his head on Brock’s chest.

”Shortly after six,” he replies after checking.

”Why you watching me awake so fucking early?” Jose’s eyes close again as he snuggles even closer, one leg now thrown across Brock’s. It’s true, he has been watching him for a while. It still feels like a dream to be here with Jose. Now that he has this again, the closeness and the feeling of being loved, he doesn’t really understand why he pushed Jose away in the first place. He’s changed since Jose’s first visit; a lot actually. He’s cried, he has talked about his feelings and his dreams. It seemed like talking about it provoked a change in how he lived and carried himself. He’s out to Ada and he’s ok with being gay. He doesn’t fear going to hell most days anymore, his sister made sure of it. For the first time ever he stood up to his parents, he set boundaries for his father and he started talking honestly with his mother. It all helped him feeling a bit less trapped and unhappy, but nothing compares to just being with Jose. He can’t lose him again and he knows there is one more step he has to take in order to achieve it. Thinking about it makes him nervous, but knowing that no matter the outcome, Ada and Jose will still be there afterwards, makes it a lot less scary.

Brock chuckles. ”Early? I usually get up at half past four. I should have been at work over an hour ago.”

”That’s sick. Torture. Abuse. Cruelty.” Brock knows he’ll go on and on, so he silences him with another kiss. ”You really here?” Jose opens his eyes and blinks at him.

”I should ask you that. I still can’t believe you came back,” Brock wraps both arms around him. ”Why did you come back?”

”Promise, you won’t get angry?”

”I can’t until I hear what you have to say.”

”No, you gotta promise first,” Jose stubbornly insists.

”Fine, I won’t get angry.” Brock agrees, but still rolls his eyes.

”Ada called me and told me you weren’t doing good. She asked me to talk to you, but, ya know,you wouldn’t pick up your phone. She also told me you stalking me on insta, and I tried to get a reaction from you with the last couple of posts, but you cold-hearted bitch didn’t give me one. So what’s a guy gotta do? I grabbed Thacks and drove my gay asshere, cause I didn’t want to have your sister call me again and beg me to do this and that.” Jose places a kiss in the middle of Brock’s chest. ”And I missed ya.”

”You know, no matter what we come up with about how to make this work, I think I really need some professional help at some point. I don’t know where or who or how to pay for it, but I can’t go on like this. It hurts Ada and it made me nearly lose you…I don’t wanna feel like crap anymore all the time.”

”I think that’s a good idea. There are some dope ass therapists in L.A., ya know?” Their eyes meet and Jose’s brown orbs say it all.

Still, Brock has to ask because he needs to hear him say it out loud. ”You really want me to come to L.A. with you?”

”Yes.” There’s no hesitation, not for a second. ”I love you, of course I want you with me.” Brock kisses him for the answer that makes his heart warm.

”What would I do there?”

”Therapy,” Jose smirks but then becomes serious again. ”And I dunno, whatever you wanna do. You could find a job as a handy man or work in retail, as a waiter… Whatever, I don’t care. You could also become my sex slave and just wait on me when I get home… naked. Or you could go back to school, get a degree. You wanna study photography, right? You could do that. You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.” Suddenly the possibilities seem endless, when just yesterday there were none.

”I wouldn’t want to be a burden and live off your money.”

”You’re not a burden, you my boyfriend.” The last part sounds more like a question than a statement and Brock knows he has to say something.

”I am.” He confirms and they both smile.

”And I know you not the type of guy who’d just bum around and let me pay the bills. I don’t mind paying for stuff until you’ve got it figured out. If, ya know, that’s what you want… coming to L.A. with me and all.” Brock thinks about it while he places random kisses on Jose’s skin, wherever he can reach.

”I think first I need to come out to my parents and see how that goes. If they accept me, us, then I’ll stay and run the farm. But if they’re not… I might have to take you up on the offer, because unless I’d like to share a room with Rachel, Jonathan and Ruthie, I won’t have anywhere to go.”

”If ya really wanna stay in town, I could talk to Jason. I bet he’d let you live here.”

”How would I pay for it? Without the work on the farm I have no income. Neither Dan nor Ada can pay me.”

”You sure about telling your parents? I don’t wanna force you into doing something you’ll regret. Once it’s out it’s out and I’d hate it if you only come to L.A. with me ‘cause you got no other choice.”

Brock slowly sits up and keeps Jose close until he’s fully upright. Then he pulls back, so he can look at him better. ”Coming with you sounds too good to be true and I’d never see it as my last resort. It’s a dream. In fact, I’d say let’s go right now, if things were different. But my parents are gonna lose the farm if I leave. They can’t do it on their own and the extension of the stable has caused them to be in significant debt. We’re only hanging on by a thread. As soon as I’m gone the bank will come in and foreclose it. But the land has been in my mother’s family for generations and I don’t wanna be the reason why it’s gone, you now? And then there are Dan’s medical bills… it’s a lot.” Jose nods and takes Brock’s hands. ”But after yesterday, last night, this morning…. I’ve been thinking and I can’t remember the last time I slept as well as I did last night and I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as when I woke up this morning and you were there. I haven’t been happy in a long, long time. I can’t go back to how I was feeling just yesterday. It’s been hell and I know Ada is right and I need professional help, but like… you make it better. Being able to be myself makes it better. Even if you’re willing to hide around here and let me stay in the closet, I can’t do it. I’m done with it, Jose. I just… I can’t live a lie no more.”

”Then you shouldn’t.” Jose encourages him and kisses both of his hands, before he pulls and makes Brock fall on top of him, as he laughs.

”I have to get up and fix the AC.” Brock’s aware that the device is still lying on the grounds in parts.

”Forget about the fucking AC and fuck me instead,” Jose huffs as his hand wraps around Brock’s dick. Who is he to argue with his boyfriend’s wishes?

*******

Afterwards Brock takes a quick shower while Jose makes coffee and feeds Thackery. They meet again in the kitchen, Jose only in sweatpants and Brock fully dressed, but it already feels like they’ve been apart for too long.

Brock has to touch him again and runs his hands over his chest as soon as he’s close enough. Jose lets him explore his upper body by touch and memorise him with his rough fingertips, he only bites his lower lip, his teeth digging into it.

Brock steps even closer, and watches Jose’s eyes fall shut and his breath hitch when he runs his fingers up Jose’s sides gently, stroke over his shoulders and make it to his chest. He places his hands there and feels Jose’s heart thumping away against his palms.

”You’re so gorgeous. Inside and out.” Jose opens his eyes again and looks straight into his.

Jose smiles, steals a kiss and cups his face with his hands. ”Right back at ya, babe.” Then he leans in again.

Their coffee is cold when they come up for air and Jose slides off the counter, a mischievous smile on his face. Brock wonders how long they will be like this and won’t able to keep their hands off each other.

”You gonna go down like this?” he asks Jose as they decide to go downstairs so he can finish his work while his boyfriend will keep him company.

”Why you got a problem? Don’t like the view?” Jose is such a fucking tease.

”I love the view a bit too much. You’ll just distract me and I’ll never fix that damn thing.”

”Fine,” he sighs dramatically and quickly grabs a shirt from the bedroom. ”Might be better to cover the hickey you left on me, fucking vampire.”

”You also got on here,” Brock places a kiss on Jose’s clavicle. ”And here,” another kiss on his neck follows, because it’s not like the loose shirt actually covers up anything.

”Stop, idiot or we going back to bed,” Jose giggles and they finally leave the apartment.

Jose is completely useless when it comes to tools or fixing things, Brock finds out, but it’s still more fun to work when he keeps babbling about whatever and Brock can steal a kiss every few minutes.

”You still not done?” Jason comes around the corned when Brock has just reassembled the AC again. ”Don’t tell me you’ve been here all night.” He looks truly shocked.

”I’ve been here all night,” Brock confirms, because it’s the truth after all.

”And what are you already doing up? You better haven’t touched anything! You can’t be trusted with tools.”

”I sure did touch some things… Wouldn’t call them tools,” Jose says with a shit-eating grin and Brock rolls his eyes before they both start laughing.

”No fucking way!” Jason exclaims, his mouth hanging open as he watches them. ”You bitches spent the night together again? There better not be the same drama as last time. No crying!” he points at Brock.

”There won’t be no tears. Imma make sure my boo’s happy,” Jose vows and leans in for another kiss, that Brock gladly gives him.

”You’re really doing this?” Jason sits down besides Jose, absolute disbelieve showing on his face.

”We are. I’m gonna come out to my parents later when I’m done here.”

”Oh… make sure first your dad’s not armed.” Jason isn’t really joking.

”He won’t hurt me. At least not physically.”

”You’re sure about that and you’re ready? I don’t know your family too well, but judging by the way they treat me, you better brace yourself.”

”I know,” Brock sits down on the other side of Jose and places his hand on his thigh. ”Ada already knows and she’s fine with it. Dan and Lily will probably hate me and my father hates me anyway, so not much will change. I just don’t know how my mother will react.”

”What are you gonna do afterwards?”

”If they throw me out I’ll go to L.A. with Jose. If they want me to stay, I’ll stay.”

”If he stays, ya better keep this apartment ready for me, cause I’m gonna spend a lot of time here,” Jose lets Jason know.

”Wow…. I didn’t see this coming. I mean, I never thought you’d come out to your family.”

”With Ada already knowing and now with Jose… I have to. I’m sick and tired of pretending.” Jose gives his hand a squeeze and their eyes meet for a second.

”Seeing you together now it’s not like you got a choice. One look at your dopey smiles and ‘love’ written all over your faces and everybody knows what’s going on. I’m just waiting for the violins to start in the background.”

”Can ya blame me? Look at him!” Jose screeches and makes them all laugh, as Brock pulls him in a playful sideways hold. ”Don’t kill me, babe, kiss me!” he puckers his lips and of course Brock gives in.

”I’m gonna get some coffee myself and then I wanna know how this happened.”

”You not getting them dirty details!”

”I don’t want’em!” Jason laughs as he walks away.

”I’m scared, now that Jason talked about your dad with guns and shit.” Jose becomes serious as soon as they are alone again. Just because he can, Brock pulls him in his lap.

”My dad is always talking about his guns and how he’ll shoot people and what a tough guy he is, but he’s always been an awful shot and since his heart attack he’s had trouble with his eyesight as well. Also, he’s drunk most of the time these days, so he’s aggressive, but hardly able to carry a gun, much less shoot with it. And he doesn’t do well with people that are stronger than him. Beating up his wife and kids is one thing, but he’d never even confront Jason or you, because he’s a fucking coward, gun or no gun.”

”Please, be careful anyway.”

”I will.” He gets a kiss for his answer.

”Imma be your get away driver, if needed.”

”With screeching tires and all?” Brock jokes to lighten the mood.

”Of course. Real gangsta style.” Jose nods his head up and down. This time it’s Brock who initiates the kiss. It’s like he’s suddenly addicted and can’t go without touching or kissing Jose for longer than a minute or two.

”Hey you two, knock it off! I’m paying ya to fix my AC not to give me a live sex show in the middle of my dance studio.” Jason is back with his coffee and busts them.

”We not doing anything!”

”Jo, that would be more believable if you didn’t still have ya hands under his shirt and down the back of his pants.”

Jose pouts as he’ still sitting in his lap, Brock and Jason are laughing, and for the moment everything is right in Brock’s world and he can forget for a second what he has to do later today.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a bit out of hand length wise.

**Nine**

_Jose glances over at the man in his passenger’s seat and gives him a smile. He still can’t really believe all that has happened since last night. It feels like a dream._

_Not only has Brock finally talked with him, but told him he loves him, wants to be with him as his boyfriend and now even wants to come out to his parents._

_Jose’s not sure how he feels about the last part because the only way he can see this going is really badly. He’s very nervous about it. He’s also scared for Brock’s safety, because he doesn’t trust his asshole father one bit._

_Jose’s own coming out had been unnerving and stressful, but all he had to worry about was getting beat up at school or mocked by his relatives. Getting shot by his mother or father had never been one of his worries, not that the rest hadn’t been horrible enough for a sixteen year old. But he’d been in love back then, with his first boyfriend and he’d wanted to hold his hand and kiss him. Sneaking around wasn’t as much fun as it sounded, and at some point he just got scared that the rumours would get to his mother before he had a chance to talk to her. She hadn’t been surprised at all, but had still managed to make the whole thing horrible, by sitting him down and giving him a very detailed talk about sex - gay sex. It had come in helpful about a six months later, but at the time he’d thought he’d die out of embarrassment._

_He’s worried about Brock, about all of it being too much too fast. Of course, he wants him in L.A. with him and he doesn’t want to hide him or sneak around. If Brock asked him to however, he would do it. He’d drive to this fucking stupid yeehaw-town every week if he had to, just to go and see his man in secret – that’s how crazy he is about him, literally._

_A kiss placed on the back of his hand brings him out of his head._

_”You’re ok?” Brock asks him._

_”Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”_

_Brock chuckles and keeps his hand in his. ”Take a right behind that barn and park the car there. I can go in through the back and the car can’t be seen from the house.”_

_Jose parks the car as instructed and turns the engine off. ”You sure you wanna do this? You know you don’t have to.”_

_”Yes.” Brock sounds absolutely sure and weirdly calm._

_”And you sure you don’t want me to come in with ya?”_

_”Absolutely. You stay here. The second you’d come in, it would be a fight.”_

_”If you not back in thirty minutes or give me some kind of sign you alive, I’m coming in with the troops to get ya,” Jose vows._

_”What kind of troops?”_

_”Me and the twenty people living in my head.” Brock guffaws and pulls him into another kiss. When he pulls back, Jose wraps his arms around his neck to keep him close._

_”You’re crazy.” Brock says it so lovingly that Jose doesn’t even protest, but instead kisses him again._

_”You been warned now. No complaining when you stuck with my crazy ass.”_

_”I’d love to be stuck with your crazy ass. And I won’t regret doing his, don’t worry. No matter the outcome, I can’t see things being worse than just a week ago.”Jose is surprised that Brock picked up on his worries even though he didn’t voice them out loud. ”Just… be here when I get back. Don’t leave, ok?”_

_”Never. My gay ass won’t leave this car or this place or you, promise. You got thirty minutes.”_

_”Ok,” Brock takes a deep breath and seems to steel himself for what’s coming. Before he leaves, he leans back into the car and pecks Jose’s lips a couple of times. ”For luck.” He winks at him and then is gone, has walked into the large barn. Jose takes his phone out and starts the 30 minute countdown, nervous about how this is going to go and his worries grow with every second that ticks down._

*******

Brock takes another deep breath before he opens the backdoor to the house. He knows his parents will be sitting in the kitchen having breakfast. He wants to surprise them, so they won’t see him come. As quietly as possible he slips inside and can hear the usual breakfast sounds from the kitchen: the clatter ofthe dishes and cutlery, his mother hurrying through the kitchen getting things for his father and his father flipping through the newspaper.

”Good morning,” he greets them, very aware that he is still wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

”Brock!” His mother sounds either relieved or worried, he can’t really tell, but she puts her fork down and looks at him.

”Where the hell have you been? I had to do all the work in the stable and barn on my own this morning. You gonna do the hay on ya own later,” his father barks and only shortly looks up from his newspaper.

”I’m gonna get you some coffee and make you something to eat,” his mother makes a move to stand up, but Brock stops her.

”No, I already had breakfast, thank you,” he says politely.

”I don’t care about your breakfast. I asked you a question!” His father puts his newspaper down and glares at him.

”I have to talk to you,” Brock says instead.

”You got the hussy pregnant, whoever she is?”

Brock ignores his fathers comment, leans against the counter and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He feels his heart beat away in his chest, much faster than usual, but he’s not scared. He knows that no matter what happens Jose is waiting in the car behind the barn and Ada will be on his side. He won’t be alone, he won’t be homeless and he will be loved; maybe even more than he’s ever been here in this house.

”I didn’t get anyone pregnant and I didn’t spent last night with a woman.” He just wants to go on when his mother interrupts him.

”Then where have you been? It’s not right being gone all night, no one knowing where ya at. Then you show up here in yesterday’s clothes. It’s not right, son.”

”Before I can tell you where I’ve been, there’s something else I need to tell you first. I… like… I know you’re gonna be disappointed and probably hate me, but… I can’t go on like this anymore. Things need to change.”

”You wanna bail on us again and leave us with the work, so you can go to some fancy school no one needs?”

”No, dad.” Brock shakes his head, but there’s a glimmer of hope in his chest that one day he will be able to do exactly that and study what he always wanted to study. ”But, like, it’s gonna depend on you, if I keep working on the farm or not. Because…. I’m gay.”

There, he’s said it.

He’s come out to his parents and they stare at him with wide eyes. The silence is very loud.

”What?” His father is so shocked that his voice is weirdly soft for once and Brock wonders when he has last heard it like this.

”I’m gay.” He says it louder, nearly proudly.

”But…no. No!” His mother shakes her head and presses her hand to her mouth. Brock feels the sadness and disappointment radiating off of her. It hurts, it does, but he’s still bracing himself for the explosion he knows is going to happen with his father.

”No son of mine is gay! I made sure of that!” He mumbles the words, which is weird.

”You surely tried beating it out of me, but it didn’t work.”

”You’re no faggot!” There it is, the yelling he has been waiting for. His father’s fistsslam down on the kitchen table.

”I spent last night with a man, so I’m pretty sure I am.” Brock ignores the slurs and tries to stay calm. A broken sob makes him look to his mother who has started to cry.

”Get the fuck out of my house! You disgust me! You no son of mine! My son’s no faggot!”

Brock takes a deep breath as more and more homophobic insults fly his way, that are getting cruder by the second. ”You sure you want me to leave? What about the farm and the work?”

”I’d rather burn the damn thing to the ground than have a faggot working and sleeping here. It’s damn time Dan takes over and starts working on the land he’s gonna inherit anyway, while you’ll burn in hell. And now fuck off before I shoot ya!”

”I’m gonna pack my things and leave. You won’t have to see me no more,” Brock replies, looking his father straight in the eyes. There’s so much he wants to say to him, tell him what an awful joke of a man and he is, but he knows it’s not worth it. This man doesn’t even deserve his anger. It’s not like he expected anything else. ”Mom? That’s what you want, too? You want me to leave?” He needs to ask though, because he still has hope. But she simply looks down to the table, like she can’t bear to even look at him anymore. ”Alright,” he nods, knowing that’s it.

He grabs his suitcase from under his bed and first puts his clothes in, then the few other things he wants to take: Photos, a couple of books, his bible, his old laptop, his photo camera and his phone charger. He also adds the small wooden chess game his grandmother bought him a long time ago and a small wooden chest he carved himself.

”Brock?” his mother is standing in the doorway, a tissue clasped tightly in her hand. He stops checking the room for forgotten things for a second and gives her his full attention.

”Mom?”

”Don’t… just say you didn’t mean it. We can like… the reverend can get you help and your dad will calm down and… we just gonna forget it all. If you take it back…” She’s still crying.

”I can’t, mom. I’ve tried conversion therapy when I went away to College and it didn’t work.”

”You knew back then that you’re…. that you’re thinking like that?”

”I’ve always known mom. And I tried to fight it and I tried to change and lie, even to myself, because I thought it was wrong and a sin and… everything y’all always told me. But I can’t do it no more. I’ve felt like shit for so long and I thought about killing myself a couple of times…” Another sob escapes his mother. ”And now, for the first time I’m in love. I love him, mom, so much. I tried to forget about him and continue living a lie, but I just can’t do it. You saw me lying in this bed, depressed and sick to my stomach. You know I’ve been unhappy. I just… I choose to be me this time and I choose to be happy. And I’d rather do it with you than without you, but you give me no choice.”

”Who is he?” her question is quiet and lacks emotion.

”His name is Jose. You’ve met him. ‘Vanjie’, he was Rachel’s dance teacher and drove us to the hospital when Dan fell. That’s kind of how we met.”

She nods and doesn’t look surprised. ”You take care of yourself.” She looks at him and he can’t see any hate or disgust in her eyes. Brock wants to step forward and hug her goodbye, but she quickly turns around before he can do so and leaves the room. This stings a lot more than his father’s screamed insults.

He quickly finishes packing, then grabs the suitcase and a sports bag and leaves the way he has come.

Outside he takes a deep breath. He’s finally free.

When he walks through the barn, Henry shows up and greets him like he usually does. Brock scratches his head and wants to keep walking, but Henry jumps on him and clings to his leg.

”You wanna come?” he asks him and picks him up. Suddenly he knows he can’t leave him. ”Let’s hope Jose’s ok with you.”

With Henry on his arm he suddenly feels euphoric. He did it! He’s come out to his parents, no one got shot and now he gets to finally live his life without hiding who he is or who he loves.

Jose jumps out of the car as soon as he sees him, runs towards him and hugs him so tightly he nearly makes him tumble to the ground and squish the cat.

”I was so worried. There’s only eleven minutes left.”

”I’m ok,” he assures him and laughs. Nothing feels better than being in Jose’s arms again. Jose grabs the sports bag from him and puts it in the back seat while Brock puts the suitcase in the trunk.

”And who’s this?” Jose the asks when he spots Henry.

”That’s my kitten Henry.”

”Kitten? That’s one huge ass cat,” Jose laughs. ”He coming with us, Tiger King?”

”If you’ll have him.”

”We can’t leave your baby behind.” Jose shrugs and suddenly wrinkles his forehead. There’s a weird sound coming from behind Brock. It’s coming from the barn and is getting louder and louder. ”And what the fuck is this?” Jose points to the ground.

Brock laughs when he sees what he means. ”That’s Henry’s brother Apollo. He sounds like a broken lawn-mower when he tries to meow.”

”He ain’t no brother! They look nothing alike! You lying!”

”I’m not. Same litter, but he has a different father, obviously.”

”Oh, their mama’s one of those…” Jose nods knowingly and makes Brock chuckle again. ”What we gonna do with him? He looks pressed.”

”Apollo can’t be bothered by me or any other humans, but I guess he likes Henry.”

”That true? You hate us hoomans?” Jose crouches down and holds out his hand. To Brock’s biggest surprise the grey cat walks over to him and bumps his head against it and starts purring. ”Guess Thacks gonna have two new step brothers, ‘cause I got myself a mans,” Jose smirks up at him. The warmth that spreads from his heart through his whole body, reminds Brock again why he just did what he did. Jose’s certainly all worth it and so much more.

”What did I do to deserve you?” Brock speaks his thoughts out loud, and expresses the wonder that he feels.

”You cute, you been a good christian white boy all your life and you gonna fuck me real good when we get home, that’s what.” With a sassy smile Jose picks up Apollo and places him in the car, before he gets back into the driver’s seat. Brock can only laugh and follows him into the car.

*******

By the time they’re back at Jose’s apartment, Brock’s euphoria is gone and reality has settled in. The short drive gave him time to think and once the stress is over, the sadness settles in. Brock kept petting Henry, who was sitting on his lap, while Apollo jumped all over the interior of the car during the short drive.

”Let’s go upstairs,” Jose nudges him gently when they have arrived and manages to catch Apollo, while Brock keeps Henry in his arms.

”Where we gonna put them?” he wonders, because he knows they can’t just let them run round in the same space as Thackery, or it’d end up in war.

”The bathroom for now. We gonna think of something later,” Jose decides. After the two cats are in there, Jose sits down on the sofa and opens his arms. ”And now come here, boo, so I can give ya a hug.” Brock is more than ready for that hug at this point and falls into his arms.

For a while they are both silent, even though Brock knows Jose wants to know what exactly happened. But he needs a moment to sort his thoughts and analyse his own emotions, as he goes over the talk with his parents again and again, different feelings bubbling up.

”My dad reacted like expected. But my mom, she, like, she let me go, didn’t even fight for me. I mean, she like came after me to my room and asked me to take it all back, but she wouldn’t accept me, now that I’m finally being myself. She’d rather have me be fucking unhappy and lying, than gay. How fucked up is that?”

”Real fucked up.” Jose is running his fingers through Brock’s hair and it’s the most relaxing thing ever. ”Did she like throw you out? Your dad did, right?”

”My dad did. She just said I should take care of myself. No goodbye, no ‘I love you’, nothing. Aren’t your parents supposed to love you unconditionally? What happened to that? But, like, they never did anyway, not even my mom. All this crap about family and how we all there for each other and have each others back and love… it’s all just bullshit.”

”Dunno if it helps, but I love you.” Jose sounds timid and it makes Brock look up at him.

”It does. It helps a lot. And I love you, too.” Jose smiles and pecks his lips, which instantly makes Brock feel a whole lot better. ”Is it always like this when you’re in a relationship? That you feel so much so quickly?” He snuggles even more up to Jose, not caring that he’s taler than him. He just needs to be held right now.

”I don’t think so. It ain’t ever been like this for me before. That how I know you special. I couldn’t forget ya.”

”I had like crushes before, but… when I saw you the first time, like… I had to pray extra hard that night.”

”What did you pray for?”

”Salvation? Forgiveness for my sins, because I thought about how beautiful you are and how cute and like…”

”And how hot and sexy and how you was ogling my gay ass and wanted a piece of it?” Jose’s teasing is not too far away from the truth.

”Pretty much,” Brock admits with an embarrassed chuckle.

”Haaa! Babe!” Jose screeches, laughs and hugs him so tightly Brock has trouble breathing.

”I wanted to jump your bones the first time I saw you. You was so fucking hot when you was sleeping in the studio. I kept staring at ya for like ten minutes before I woke you up.”

”You were ogling me?” Brock smiles.

”Hey, bitch, you were ogling me too. Don’t play!” They both have to laugh.

”I’m so glad you came back,” Brock admits after another minute of silence, during which Brock just listens to Jose’s breathing, his head against his chest.

”Me too.”

”And now you’re stuck with taking me back to L.A. with you, paying for everything until I find a job and on top you have two more cats to take care of.” It’s meant to be a flippant and funny comment, but once he speaks the words, Brock realises that he’s scared; Scared that Jose will realised some day soon what he got himself into and will throw him out as well. If his parents don’t want him around, then why should he?

”Now listen….” Jose actually grabs his curls to make him look at him, when Brock doesn’t react to the nudges he gives him before. Once Brock is looking at him, he continues. ”I told you I want you in L.A. with me. If living together gets too much, we can find another solution, but bitch, if you thinking you too much… ya better wait until you realise how crazy I can get. I want my man with me and I want a future. I don’t like playing around and wandering eyes and all that shit. I want to think about a future and long term and I want exclusive. If I hear ”open relationship” from one of these L.A. hos one more time, Imma lose my fucking mind. I’m jealous and all my exes say I’m clingy and I might get too extra sometimes. But… what I wanna say is, we both not perfect and it’s not gonna be all perfect and sexy all the time, but, like, I love you a whole lot and I wanna make this work.”

Brock kisses him softly before he replies. ”Same. And I don’t even know what an open relationship is, but… I’ve never been in any relationship, so…we’ll learn together?” He shrugs. ”And I think… if there’s some way, I really wanna study photography. And I need a job, because I can’t just sit around all day. I’ll do some research later.”

”See, you already making plans. And maybe, you know, you should look into a therapist while you at it. I’m crazy enough for the two of us.” Jose smiles again when Brock chuckles.

”You’re not that crazy.” Brock slowly sits up and adjusts his position, so he is resting against the back of the couch, when his neck starts to hurt. Not being close to Jose is unacceptable, so he pulls him against him this time.

”What else do you wanna do in the future?”

”Someday, I want to go on a vacation. And I want to go to the beach and see the sea. I’ve never been to a real beach.”

”Like never ever?”

”Never ever.”

”Our house is not that far from the beach in L.A., just a ten minute drive. We’ll go, first thing when we get there.”

”And I want to buy a real car, one that doesn’t break down all the time. And one day, I think I want to get married.”

”You wanna have kids too?”

”I’m not sure. Do I have to decide now?” Brock wonders.

”Nah, I’m not sure either. Just… it’s good to know you on the same page in general. Like, I wanna get married, too. And I want someone loyal and faithful and… I wanna be enough.”

”How could you not be enough?” Brock really doesn’t get it.

”Ask my ex. He’s the one who cheated all the time.”

”I’m sorry,” Brock feels bad for him, but he also can’t understand how anyone could cheat on Jose.

”Just… if you ever get sick of me… don’t cheat, k? Just talk to me.”

”Same. If you ever want me gone, talk to me.”

”Deal.” Jose puckers his lips and they kiss to seal the deal.”How’bout we go back to bed and take a nap. This day’s already been a lot and some crazy motherfucker woke me up way too early and didn’t even let me go back to sleep after we done and did the dirty.” A wide yawn accompanies Jose’s words.

”Weren’t you the one who wanted the dirty? I just wanted to fix the AC.”

Jose snorts and slaps Brock’s shoulder before he sits up. ”Sure, asshole. That why you nearly fucked me again on the kitchen counter.” He holds out his hand to Brock. ”Come on. I need my beauty sleep, before I can come up with a plan for the cats and all the other crazy shit.”

They both just take their pants and shoes off, push Thackery aside and are asleep in no time, even though it’s not even noon yet.

*******

Because of their long nap around noon, they are both still up around midnight. Brock knows it’s not that unusual for Jose, but for him it’s certainly past his usual bedtime. However he’s not even tired yet. They’ve done not much in the afternoon, just talked to Jason and had dinner together in the evening. Then Jose had made him watch another movie he insisted Brock absolutely needed to watch. He couldn’t even tell you what it was about, since they spent nearly the whole time making out like teenagers.

”It finally a bit cooler,” Jose remarks when he comes back from the bathroom, where he took care of the cats. Brock has opened the windows and enjoys the gentle breeze that comes in from outside.

”It’s nice outside.” He looks out the window and sees the fields around them illuminated by the moonlight.

”Mmh.” Jose wraps his arms around Brock’s waist from behind and leans his cheeks against his shoulder. ”In L.A. when it’s this nice out at night, I sometimes drive out to the beach and hang out with my friends.”

This gives Brock an idea. He lifts his arm and brings Jose around to his front. ”You up for going for a short drive? I think I know a place you might like.”

”Now?”

”Now.” Brock confirms and softly kisses his man. ”You got a blanket? I get the beer from the fridge.”

”Oooh, we going for a picnic?” Jose seems excited by the prospect and hurries off.

”One without food maybe,” Brock chuckles.

”I still got cold pizza in the fridge from yesterday. We could take it.”

”I hate cold pizza.” Brock actually shudders.

”You one weird motherfucker, boo.” Jose comes back with a woolen blanket and has changed from his sweats into shorts.

”Why did you change?”

”‘Cause we going out and not to the dance studio?”

”You know that everybody but us is asleep in this town?”

”So? You taking me out on our kinda first date and I gotta look good.”

The explanation is so much like Jose, that it makes Brock laugh. ”You always look good,” he kisses him again. ”But this is not a date. When we’re in L.A. and once I got some money, I’m going to take you out on a real date, I promise.”

Jose just smiles brightly and they leave. To his biggest surprise Jose just hands him the car keys, because he says it’s easier that way. He’s right of course, bur Brock is still a bit intimidated by the expensive car. It’s amazing to drive and Jose keeps watching him like one proud mother.

Brock pulls off the main road quickly and takes the small paths he’s known all his life. They are in the middle of endless corn fields, that are so high even the car can’t be seen from outside. When he reaches the clearing, he parks the car.

”Who that is?” Jose points to the oak tree, that is the reason why they are here.

”That’s a swing I put here for Rachel. The land belongs to my mom, but no one ever comes out here but me and so I made this Rachel’s secret hideaway. My dad’s always wanted to chop up the tree, but he never got to it,” Brock explains and gets out of he car. In the middle of the field is a small patch of grass and a huge oak tree that has a wooden swing hanging off one of the branches.

”You made that? How the fuck did you get up there?” Jose asks and walks closer to the swing.

”Just threw the ropes over the branch,” Brock shrugs.

”That safe?”

”I sometimes come here at night when I can’t sleep, just to sit on the swing and pretend I’m the only person in the world.” He pulls Jose close by wrapping an arm around his shoulders. ”I just thought, like, you’d like to see this place before we leave and like… I wanted you to see it.”

”You better stop with this romantic shit, asshole, or I’m gonna cry,” Jose hugs him around the middle and presses a kiss to his upper arm.

”You wanna try out the swing?”

”Kinky,” Jose winks at him, but then jumps on the swing.At first Brock pushes him, but then Jose is flying high and higher, his usual enthusiasm taking over. Brock keeps an eye on him as he spreads out the blanket and grabs the beer from the car. Jose whoops and laughs as he flies through the air and Brock snaps a couple of pictures of him with his phone. He’s lucky he’s just filming a video of him, when Jose lets go of the ropes and jumps off the swing.

”Jo!” Brock yelps, scared he might hurt himself, but Jose lands perfectly and smiles proudly.

”Calm down, mami. I’m a dancer, we do shit like that on the regular. You not going on the swing?” He walks over to where Brock is sitting and sits down next to him.

”Nah, not right now. I had fun watching you.” He hands him a beer.

”And you say this ain’t a date. Most romantic shit I’ve ever been on.” Jose comments and leans back on his elbows.

”I always thought dates involve going out for dinner or a movie or something.”

”A date can be whatever you want. And if you asking me, like, it don’t need to be some huge ass production, you know. Like presents don’t have to be expensive. I don’t need someone to spend a shitload of money on some shit I don’t need or want. But, you know, if people put some thought into it…. Other things are important.”

”Mmh… you might want to remember that when I make you something for each anniversary, Christmas and birthday, because I don’t have any money.” Brock smiles, meaning it as a joke, but Jose remains thoughtful.

”I take this here and having time with you over roses or some shit.” Jose takes another sip of beer, then places the bottle on the ground next to him. ”Time’s gonna be a problem. I have to travel a lot for work and then you’re gonna be on your own in L.A.” He rolls towards Brock, who pulls him the rest of the way on top of him.

”I’m gonna miss you then.” He says lightly and kisses him. It doesn’t take long until Jose deepens the kiss and Brock opens his legs, so he can lie between them. Surrounded by corn fields and with the moon shining above them, they soon lose their shirts and pants, but they don’t change their positions. There’s no one nearby to hear their moans as they move, and Brock is surprised by how much he likes Jose’s weight on top of him, as they rut and grind against each other. Sometimes Jose’s dicks slips down between his butt cheeks, bumps against his sphincter and makes him groan even louder. Gasping into Jose’s mouth, Brock comes all over his stomach and chest, when Jose brings his hand between them and wraps it around their dicks, as they keep moving.

”That why you really brought me here?” Jose asks him with a smirk, after he’s followed him over the edge a while later.

”Not really. Or I would have brought condoms and lube,” Brock laughs and gives him a kiss.

”True dat,” Jose nods and looks down between them. ”Your shirt or mine?” he asks then and wrinkles his nose, seeing the mess they made.

”Just use the edge of the blanket. We need to wash it anyway.” Jose does just that and wipes them both clean with it, before he resumes his position on top of Brock again. Brock runs his hands up and down his back and enjoys the feeling of his smooth, warm skin. ”Hey Jo?”

”Huh?”

Brock is nervous and wonders if he should really say something. This is all so new and he’s never been in a relationship, so he has no reference for what’s ok or not. But… it’s what he feels and Jose asked him to speak his mind a couple of times. And he’d rather do it here in the semi-dark than in bright daylight at some later point.

”You know the first time… you said that you wouldn’t mind if… like… I really like you on top of me like this and, like….” Brock rambles and tries to find the right way to say it. Jose stops him with a kiss.

”You wanna bottom sometime, that it?”

”I’ve never done it before.”

”We’ll try it and see if you like it, ok?”

”Does it hurt?”

”Not of you prepped right. Imma make sure you gonna be ok,” Jose vows and suddenly the nervousness is gone. ”We gonna start slow and take our time. Paris wasn’t built in a day.”

Brock guffaws, he can’t help it. He strongly suspects that Jose messes up on purpose to make him laugh, because he always has that little smile on his face when he botches another saying. It’s like it’s a challenge.

”Rome, you goof.”

”Bitch, what? You ain’t gonna tell me Paris was built in a day!” Now they’re both cackling.

*******

”Brock! Your phone! It’s Ada,” Jose calls the next morning when he stumbles out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where Brock is sitting in front of his laptop with a cup of coffee.

”Thanks.” He quickly gives him a kiss good morning before he answers the call, as he watches Jose trudge into the bathroom. ”Hey Ada.”

”Hey, little brother. Mom stopped by this morning and told me you came out to them yesterday. Something you wanna tell me?” the tone of her voice makes it clear she knows the main things already anyway.

”Jose and I are together now.”

”Oh my god!” Ada’s loud and excited scream keeps Brock from continuing. ”Oh my god! I’m so happy for you! I knew it!”

”Speaking of which… Jose tells me you kind of talked him into coming back here. Anything you wanna add?”

”Uhm… not really. I don’t feel sorry, but I can say it if you wanna hear it,” she giggles.

”Nah… I guess I have to say thank you,” Brock chuckles.

”So, you’re happy?”

”Very.”

”Aww, my brother’s in love. Finally! How about the two of you come over for dinner today and tell me all about it and your coming-out and what you gonna do next?”

”Uhm… let me just check with Jose real quick.” Brock gets up and walks into the bathroom where the shower is running. ”Jo?”

”Yes, you can come in, but only if you wash my hair again.” He still sounds like he’s half asleep, which makes Brock laugh.

”I don’t wanna shower with you. Ada’s asking, if we wanna come over for dinner tonight.”

”Cool. What should we bring?”

”Jose asks if we should bring something.” Brock tells his sister.

”Just some wine of you want some, because I only have kid friendly drinks in the house.”

”Alright, then see you tonight,” Brock tells her.

”See you later. Enjoy your ‘shower’,” Ada laughs before she hangs up. For a second Brock stares disbelievingly at the phone.

”What, why you looking at the phone like that?” Jose’s head pops around the shower curtain.

”Ada just made a sexual reference or joke.” Brock tells him.

”Bitch, that lady has seven kids! Don’t tell me you think the stork brought them, or we having some serious issues here,” Jose rolls his eyes and disappears back behind the curtain. Brock just laughs, places his phone on the shelf and quickly steps out of his clothes.

”Give me that.” He gently takes the shampoo bottle from Jose when he sees into the shower, and starts washing his hair as requested. His boyfriend moans obscenely as he massages his skull.

”You gotta do that every day from now on.” His eyes are closed as he enjoys Brock’s touches.

”That what you had in mind when you talked about making me your sex slave?”

”When you suck my cock after this, we might be getting close,” the bratty answer comes, which makes Brock chuckle.

”My mom told Ada about me coming out to them. So I guess Dan knows too at this point.”

”How do you think he’ll react?”

”I don’t know. Honesty, I don’t think Dan on his own would care too much, but my sister in law will surely have something to say about it.”

”She one of those stuck up bit…women?”

”You can say it, she really is a bitch. Always has been,” Brock laughs.

”My mama’ gonna whoop your ass, if you ever talk about a women like that when she’s present.”

”Speaking of which… does your family know anything about this?” He grabs the shower head and rinses Jose’s hair out.

”Who do you think let me cry in her arms when I got back? And I told her I was coming back here and I might have texted her last night, when we was driving to the swing and let her know I got myself a man.” He smiles proudly.

”And what does she think about this? Me?” Now Brock is scared, because he knows how much his mother means to Jose. If she doesn’t like him or what she knows about him, it might be a deal breaker.

”She’s happy I’m happy and she wants to meet you soon. I think she’ll just show up as soon as we tell her we back in L.A.”

”She doesn’t have a problem with you bringing back a poor hillbilly?”

”My ma?” Jose guffaws. ”I showed her your picture and she only asked if you got a single older brother, ‘cause you hot as fuck.”

”Come on! No way your mother said that! ‘Hot as fuck’, no way!” Brock laughs.

”You better believe it, child, or you in for a shock when you meet my ma. She even crazier than I am. A warning: Don’t ever drink with her, ‘cause she’ll win and you’ll be dead the next day.”

”She sounds nothing like my mother.” Brock tries to picture her, but he can’t. Jose’s description sounds like no mother he’s ever met around here.

”Nope. Think J.Lo really being from the block.”

”Who’s J.Lo?”

Jose’s loud groan echoes through the bathroom. ”We got so much work to do, so much motherfucking work.” Then his kisses Brock and ends the discussion for the next two hours, because they have better things to do.

*******

Ada is so excited she’s basically dancing through the house when they get there. Rachel, Jonathan and Ruthie are still up as well, while the other four are already in bed. To Brock’s surprise Joe, Ada’s husband, is also home and he greets him like always, with a pat on the back and not many words. He’s nice to Jose though, offers him something to drink and tries to stop Ruthie from climbing all over him. Ada hugs Brock tightly and he thinks she might even be crying a little.

”I’m just so glad and happy,” she says when he looks at her questioningly. ”Rachel, Jonathan can you go and wash your hands? Joe can you take Ruthie to bed? She said she’d go once she saw Vanjie.”

”Sure,” Joe agrees and plucks Ruthie off Jose’s back, not that he seems to mind her climbing all over him while he chats with Rachel.

”Rachel showed her videos of you and pictures and now she says she’s your biggest fan,” Ada explains to Jose, when he joins them in the kitchen.

”That’s real cute. Imma send her one of my shirts when we back home in LaLaland.”

”We? You’re really going to L.A. with him?” Ada asks Brock.

”Yes,” he nods and smiles at Jose, who wraps an arm around his waist. ”I’m going back to school for photography. We already signed me up for classes this afternoon and I can start right away. We also found me a therapist and I’ll start that two weeks from now. All I got to do now is find a job,” Brock tells his sister. He is so excited that they managed to get all that done in just one afternoon, but with Jose’s help it wasn’t a problem at all. He’s seen on google maps where he’s going to live and they found a school that’s in the area and both affordable and offers a good program. Jose took care of the therapist by asking around with his friends… it all just fell into place.

”That can wait. You gonna be busy with school and therapy and the house and three kitty cats. You know I won’t be around much for the first month or so.” Jose reminds him. It’s a bit nerve wrecking to think about being alone in a big city and find his way, but he knows he’ll manage and it’s not like Jose won’t be home at all. He just has a lot of rehearsals for a video shoot.

”You gonna move to L.A.?” Rachel’s voice comes from behind and she sounds less than happy.

”Yes, I’m going to L.A.” Brock confirms and both he and Jose turn around, their arms still wrapped around each other.

”But what about me? You can’t leave!” Rachel bursts into tears.

”Oh, honey,” Brock rushes over to her and picks her up. He knows she’s too old for that with her nearly eleven years, but at the moment it feels right and he has to console her.

”Why you leaving me?” She sobs. ”You’re my best friend.”

”And I’ll always be your best friend, Rache’.” He tries to wipe her tears away but they keep falling. Jose comes up behind them and rubs her back.

”You can always come and visit us. There’s a guest room that’s gonna be yours whenever you want it,” Jose vows.

”You gonna live together?” Rachel’s eyes widen.

”Yes. You know that I’m gay, right? You know I like men?” Brock asks her and sits down on the sofa in the living room with her, Jose sitting down on the other side of her.

”Momma told me.”

”I think you kind of knew before, didn’t you?” Brock smiles.

”Kinda,” she confirms, smiles and sniffs one last time before she wipes her own tears away.

”And I love Jose alot and we want to be together, but we can’t do that here. Jose has no work here and grandma and grandpa don’t want me living at their house anymore. That’s why I’m going to Los Angeles with Jose.”

”You not gonna be happy here without him and no work and no house.” Rachel nods her head.

”Yeah.”

”You gonna be nice to him, right? He’s my best friend! Or I’ll kick your ass!” She suddenly warns Jose. He’s the one who screeches and screams with laughter, while Brock’s mouth just hangs open.

”Rachel! That’s one dollar for the swearing jar,” Ada speaks up, even though she’s looking really amused as well.

Jose takes a ten dollar bill out of his jeans pocket and hands it to the girl. ”Here. The rest’s bribe money,” he tells her.

”Accepted,” she smirks and wanders off to pay her bill.

”You go and spoil her like that, Jose, and I’ll send her your way to set her straight when she enters the teen years.” Ada warns him and starts putting food on the table.

”She cute, clever and sassy. I like her.”

”Sounds like someone else I know,” Brock points out. First a large smile blossoms on Jose’s face, before he pulls him close for another kiss.

”Seeing you together, it might really be better you’re moving to the big city. You can’t keep your hands off each other,” Ada laughs and makes Brock blush.

”Hey, don’t play shy now! You the one who won’t give my hand back,” Jose teases and looks pointedly to their linked fingers. ”Miss Ada, watch him later. As soon as I’m gonna be done eating, hebe holding my hand again, or touching my shoulder. He always been this touchy feely?” Jose gives his hand a squeeze that Ada can’t see.

”My brother was very tactile and affectionate as a child but then it stopped. Seems you bring it back out of him.”

”Can you two stop talking about me? I’m sitting right here.” Brock finally complaints when his ears are so hot and red he fears they might falls off soon.

Ada laughs. ”So when are you two going to L.A.?”

”I have to be back on Thursday for rehearsal and we thought some days to show Brock around town might be nice.” Jose starts the explanation.

”Monday,” Brock finally tells his sister.

”So soon? That’s just two days from now.”

”I know.” Brock takes a deep breath to stop himself from bursting into tears. He's going to miss his sister so much. ”We thought we could maybe do something tomorrow, because we know you all got church on Sunday.”

”Sounds good. Joe has to leave tomorrow morning, but we can come up with something.”

”We could all go swimming,” Rachel suggests as she walks back into the room with her father.

”That sounds great, Miss Rachel,” Jose nods. ”And this looks amazing.” He compliments the food.

”Then let’s eat,” Ada says, and that’s what they do.

It turns out Jose is wrong about the touching. He’s barely finished his salad when he feels Brock’s free hand on his thigh. Only Ada’s pointed look makes Brock realise what he’s doing, but he just shrugs, smiles and places a kiss on Jose’s cheek that makes Jonathan gag, Rachel squeal and Ada sigh happily.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten**

_”Baby, it’s so good to see you happy again,” Jose hears and can’t stop himself from grinning like an absolute idiot. It’s true though, he is happy. SO happy._

_”I am, ma. I swear it feels like…we be together for so much longer, you know? Like, he just meant… it’s not awkward, you know.”_

_”That’s how it’s supposed to be. But as your mother I’m very happy he talked to his parents and made some decisions and all, you know. It’s good. He’s grown as a person and he’s acting like an adult not like a child. You know I never liked those fuckbois you dated.”_

_”I know,” Jose rolls his eyes, because he knows the speech by heart at this point. ”And he as serious as me about all of this. He real amazing, ma, even though he snores like the fucking gorilla in George of the Jungle.”_

_”You have enough space, you can get separate bedrooms. Or separate apartments, because you two moving in together is real soon,” his mother proposes with a shrug._

_”Sleep without my man? Uh-uh, not happening!” Jose is outraged by just the thought. ”And I just know it’ll work. I don’t wanna live somewhere else. We been apart for long enough.”_

_”Then you can’t complain mijo. If you love him, you have to learn to love the snoring.”_

_”Or kick him in the shin, so he wakes up and I can go back to sleep,” he chuckles and basically tells her what he did last night after he woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep._

_”If he kicks your ass, it’s you own fault.”_

_”I know.”_

_”So, where is he? I thought I'd see him and meet him?”_

_”He’s taking care of the cats. We gonna try and get them all together later, but first they have to be flea free and bathed. I’m not letting some barn stray close to Thacks,” he huffs. Brock wasn’t too happy when he had told him, but he had given in, in the end._

_”Are they snipped?”_

_”You mean neutered? Yup, they are.Five guys in one house, all of them with balls would stink up the house.”_

_The bathroom door opens.”Jose? Please tell me you don’t want them coiffed and blow-dryed, because I draw the line at that.” Brock comes out of the bathroom and quickly closes the door behind him before the cats can escape._

_”What? You didn’t brush Henry? His fur balls are gonna be all over the place,” he grins, just to rile him up a bit._

_”Oh shut up. You brush him,” Brock rolls his eyes at him. It’s then that Jose decides to have a little fun._

_”Fine, but I’m not doing it naked. Why’re you naked when you dealing with the kitties?” he asks and smirks at the screen where his mother is watching him with a knowing look._

_”What are you talking about? I’m not naked!” Brock actually looks down on himself to check the shirt and shorts he’s wearing._

_”He sounds naked.” Jose’s mother joins the fun._

_”He is naked.”_

_”I’m not naked. And who’s this?” Brock asks and comes closer._

_”My mother,” Jose tells him and then turns to the screen. ”And he’s very naked.”_

_”Don’t tell your mother I’m naked! I’m not!” Brock protests and blushes bright red. Jose can’t help himself anymore and starts laughing, his mother joining him._

_”I’m just fucking with you, boo boo. Come and say hi,” he tells Brock who watches him with narrowed eyes. Finally, he takes his hand and sits down beside him on the sofa._

_”Ok, stop pulling my leg. There’s no way that this is your mother!” Brock exclaims when he sees her waving at him on the screen. ”Who is this? Your sister? Cousin?”_

_”Oh my goooood!” his mother screeches when she hears it. ”I love him, mijo. If you not gonna marry him, I will! What a snack!” his mother is losing her shit because of the comment and Brock’s looks._

_”Ma, calm down!”_

_”He thinks I’m your sister. What a beautiful boy!”_

_”You just like him cause he thinks you young.”_

_”Watch it, Jo! I AM young!”_

_”Young looking maybe,” Jose rolls his eyes again._

_”This is really your mother?” Brock still can’t believe it._

_”Oh, I love him! Wanna marry me? I can cook better than my son,” his mother smirks._

_”Stop the bullshit, ma! His gay ass don’t wanna marry you.”_

_”Watch your fucking mouth, son,” she shoots back and Jose feels Brock tense beside him. Then both he and his mother start laughing, because they are just joking around. His man still looks a bit freaked out, so Jose pulls him closer and wraps one arm around his waist._

_”I told him, you like J.Lo but from the real block and he goes ‘Who’s J.Lo?’ We got some work to do, when we back, ma.” He places a kiss on Brock’s cheek as an apology for the teasing._

_”Sounds like it.” His mother agrees. ”But it’s nice to finally meet you, Brock. My son's told me a lot about you. How are you, with the coming out and everything?” Jose notices how his mother’s tone gets softer, more motherly and he’s glad that she likes Brock enough already to show him that side of her._

_”I’m good. I mean, like, it’s hard that my parents can’t accept me, but I kind of knew that already. But my sister’s on our side, so,” Brock shrugs._

_”Give them some time. It’s hard to abandon everything you’re taught to believe. They don’t understand what’s going on. But when they see you’re happy and you still gonna be the same boy, they might come around.”_

_”It’s a nice thought, but I don’t think so.”_

_”Then I just have to adopt you. I mean, you thought I was so much younger, so I kind of already love ya,” she jokes and makes them all laugh. ”You gonna drive home today, baby?”_

_”No, we waiting until Monday. Brock still has to take care of some stuff, like get some papers and shit, so we can get him a bank account in L.A. and all that. Get the cat’s stuff from the vet, say goodbye to people.”_

_”My niece wanted us all to go swimming today and before we have to let the cats meet each other or it’s going to be a blood bath in L.A._

_”Yeah, better they trash Jason’s apartment than mine,” Jose giggles and Brock shakes his head._

_”Ok, then I see you boys on Tuesday. I’ll bring dinner! Bye, love you!”_

_”Love you, too, ma. Bye!” Jose ends the call and leans back against the couch. ”You gonna be my mom’s favorite for ever and ever,” he chuckles._

_”I feel like an idiot,” Brock huffs. ”I wanted to make a good first impression and then I say that?!”_

_”Bitch, that’s the best first impression ever! My ma loves it when people think she’s my sister or some shit.”_

_”But seriously, how old is she?”_

_”Child, you better be happy she didn’t heart that question, because you’d get the boot real fast. Don’t ever ask her that. I have no idea how old she really is.”_

_”Are you serious?”_

_”Yeah,” Jose nods. ”I mean, I know she was like something between seventeen to twenty-one when she had my brother, ‘cause she wasn’t legally allowed to get drunk at her wedding a month later. But exactly? No idea. I’m not crazy enough to ask,” Jose tells him and climbs into his lap. ”Wanna make out for a bit before we let the cats out?”_

_”You wanna make it up to me, the shit you just put me through?” Brock smirks._

_”That I put you through? You know what’s some shit you put me through? Your loud ass snoring!” Jose remembers._

_”I don’t snore!” Brock claims._

_”You don’t…” Jose snorts. ”Imma kick you so much harder tonight when you not snoring again. And now shut up and kiss me,” he requests and that’s what they do._

*******

”Welcome to our own small town beach,” Brock says when they reach the small sandy area around the lake.

”It’s not too bad,” Jose shrugs and smiles. Brock warned him that it was nothing special and surely nothing like the beach in L.A., but it was ok for cooling off when it was really hot.

”Uncle Brock, over here!” Jonathan yells and waves when he sees them and Brock waves back.

”You gonna miss them,” Jose states and Brock can only nod, because his throat feels too tight to speak. Jose’s arm wraps around his middle for just a moment as he pulls him into his side.

Brock’s never walked arm in arm with anyone in public and certainly not a man, but he fights the impulse to pull away, because the support feels too nice. They are not the only people from town at the lake, but he’s out, his sister is close by and he doesn’t want to hide anymore. He wraps his arm around Jose’s shoulders and kisses his temple when Jose’s arm is gone. Brock keeps his arm around him though to proove a point, to the people, to Jose and to himself.

”Uncle Brock” Rachel has spotted them as well and starts running.

”Vanjie!” Ruthie follows her on her much shorter legs.They both catch them and Jose even lifts Ruthie up and carries her on his shoulders. ”Mommy, look! I’m up high!” She squeals excitedly when they’ve reached Ada.

”You coming into the water with us?” Rachel wants to know.

”Girls, settle down and let them arrive first,” Ada tells them and Jose slowly places Ruthie back on the ground.

”It’s ok, Miss Ada. Just gimme a second, girls,” Jose grins and quickly takes his shirt off. He just throws it at Brock, kicks his shoes off and then starts running towards the lake. ”Last one stinks!” he yells and the girls quickly run after him. Brock just watches the spectacle with a smile on his face, then spreads out the blanket they brought, folds Jose’s shirt and takes his own shirt off as well.

”You’re going to join them?” Ada asks.

”Can’t leave you alone with the rest of the munchkins,” Brock tells her and sits down on his blanket.

”You should put on some sunscreen though, otherwise you gonna get burned.”

”Jose made sure I’m covered before we came here,” Brock chuckles and remembers just how thoroughly Jose had doused him in sunblock.

”He got your back as well?” Ada smirks.

”He sure did,” Brock giggles.

”So you’re still ok with it all?”

”Yes. It’s still a bit weird out here in public, but I honestly don’t care anymore what people say about me. I just hope they won’t talk shit about you guys.”

”They won’t. If I kick them out of the store, they’ll have to drive two hours to buy bread, so they’ll think twice about it.” Ada adjusts the small cap on Noah’s head, who is napping in the shade. ”Mom stopped by again this morning and we actually had a moment to chat. I got so angry with her, when she mentioned that Dan has to take over the farm now. He has his own business that’s just starting to make some money and now he has to give it all up, because they want to keep the farm running? It’s not fair to him.”

”According to dad he’s gonna inherit everything anyway, so if anyone has a reason to work in the farm, it’s him,” Brock shrugs.

”What? I always thought the land would be split between all three of us. Or that maybe you’d get it, since you’ve been working there for so many years.”

”I don’t know Ada, I can only tell you what dad said when I asked them if they really want me to leave and what’s going to happen to the farm.”

”It’s not right though,” Ada protests and Brock just shrugs. It still hurts to talk about it and so he’d rather change the topic as long as they are in public.

”Dan’s the oldest.”

”Can you imagine Dan running the farm with Lilly? That won’t last for longer than a month,” Ada chuckles.

”It sure won’t. You know, I’d hate to see it all go, but there’s nothing I can do about it anymore. I tried.”

”You haven’t just tried, Brock, you singlehandedly kept the whole thing going for so long. And not only that: You loaned Dan the money to start his business and more. It’s not your job though. It’s not your job to solve all of our problems. Mom and dad knew that the time would come when one of us would have to take over and dad never stepped down. Dan wanted to open a business alone, which is always tough. I made the decision to have as many kids as I do, and I don’t regret it. But you were never asked and you still always helped us out. Now it’s time you live your own life and cause your own problems that you then have to fix.” Ada nudges him and he nudges her back, before they go back to watching Jose play with the kids.

”Hey Ada.”Their sister in law Lilly arrives a couple of minutes later and walks towards them with her three kids.

”Hey Lilly,” Ada says and then drops her voice to a whisper and turns to Brock. ”You think she knows?”

”Dunno, guess we’ll find out,” Brock shrugs, because honestly he doesn’t care.

”Hey Brock,” his sister-in-law greets him and he still can’t tell if she’s heard about him being gay. She unpacks her things as her kids change into their bathing suits.

”Mommy, can we go play with Ruthie and Rachel?” six year old Mariah asks.

”Where are they?” Lilly asks Ada.

”In the water with Jose,” Ada points out and Brock laughs when he sees Jose lifting up Rachel, who does a handstand on his shoulders, only to have Ruthie try it as well and nearly hitting him in the nose with her little foot.

”Jo, pay attention or she’ll sock you in the face,” he yells over to him, but Jose just laughs and waves him off.

”Brock, look! I can do it!” Rachel screams and Jose lifts her up again.

”Good job,” he yells back.

”Mom can we go and play now?” Mariah asks again.

”No, you stay here, please.” Lilly shakes her head.

”But why? Why can Ruthie and Rachel go and we can’t?”

”I don’t want you in the water until that… man is out. Then you can go.”

Hearing this makes Brock instantly angry. He knows his sister in law and he knows exactly what she means. But he wants her to actually say it out loud to his face. ”What does that mean? You talking about Jose?”

”That his name?” She plays innocent.

”Yes. So what’s your problem with him? You don't even know him.”

”Dan tells me he's… one of those guys. Who knows what else he’s into… maybe children?”

”So being gay in your mind means being a pedophile? ”

”Once a pervert always a pervert.” The way she glares at him, Brock knows this is as much about him as it is against Jose.

”Lily, you…” Ada starts, but Brock stops her by placing a hand on her arm.

”Then I think you should take your kids and move further away from me, seeing as this is my boyfriend you’re talking about and I am obviously just as perverted in your narrow mind. And while we’re at it: You still owe me over ten thousand dollars, you might want to pay that back to the pervert before removing yourself completely from my life. My money has always been welcome so far, when you didn’t know who I love. Tell Dan to come up with a plan or the gays will sue you!” Brock knows his voice is shaking with rage.

”Uncle Brock, you angry?” Little Luke asks him and pats his cheek with his chubby hands.

”Yes baby, your mommy said something really stupid,” he confirms. Luke pecks his cheek.

”Better?” The innocent look in his nephews eyes makes Brock tear up. No kid is born with prejudices, no matter how hateful their parents are.

”Yes, thank you,” he nods and hugs the three year old to him. ”I’m gonna miss you,” he tells him.

”Why? Where you going?”

Before he can answer, Lilly drags the child away by his hand. ”Luke, come here. Sit down, we need to put sunblock on you,” she tells him.

”Hey,” Jose jogging up to them keeps them all from saying more on the subject. Brock looks up at him and lets his eyes wander over his wet body. ”You coming or what?” he puts his hand on his hips and gives him a toothy smile.

”It’s too cold still.”

”Child, it’s not cold! You a wimp, that’s what.” Behind Jose Brock can hear Jonathan snigger. Jose leans forward and places his wet and very cold hands on Brock’s stubbly cheeks. ”See, not cold,” he laughs.

”Get your icy fingers out of my face!” Brock screeches more for his nieces and nephews entertainment than anything else. Jose just laughs, but then suddenly just steps back without much of a fight.

”Fine, you stay. We going back to having fun, right kiddos?” Jose asks Ada’s oldest three.

”Yeah!” the screamed reply comes.

”Hey,” Brock calls out and catches Jose’s hand in his when he wants to run off again.

”What?” Jose nervously looks around and tries to pull his hand back.

”Kiss?” Brock asks him. Jose’s eyes widen in surprise, but he stops trying to pull his hand away.

”You sure?” he asks quietly and looks around them again, very aware of the many people around them and Lilly’s eyes boring into their heads. Brock simply pulls him forward and makes him stumble in his arms. Originally he only wanted a quick peck, but now he really kisses him.

”No more hiding,” he tells him when he pulls back.

”You gonna make us get our asses kicked,” Jose laughs, but pecks his lips again before he stands back up straight.

”We can take them. I hear you have some experience in fighting around town,” Brock smirks.

”Now you coming or what?” Jose drops the topic, smiles and cocks his head to his side and Brock knows he doesn’t stand a chance.

”Fine,” he groans and gets up.

”Uncle Brock?” Mariah speaks up from the blanket beside her very angry looking mother.

”Yes?”

”You just kissed a man,” the girl giggles.

”I know. He’s my boyfriend and I love him very much. That’s why,” he tells her.

”Kissing is yucky!” her brother supplies.

”Yeah…Ewwww,” Ruthie agrees.

”Ok, then you can all stay here, while we go swimming. No joining the yucky kissers.” Brock teases them.

”No! I’m coming!” Mariah has jumped up and is on Brock’s back before her mother can stop her.

”Me too!” Luke joins her and jumps onto his back as well.

”Vanjie. Carry me!” Ruthie demands.

”What about the yucky kisses. What if I kiss you, little monster?” Jose asksher, picks her up, throws her over his shoulder and blows a raspberry on her cheek that makes her giggle and screech. There’s a lot of laughter and screaming as they run to the water with the kids and then take turns throwing them into the water.

”So much for our romantic swimming afternoon,” Brock laughs and throws Ruthie back into the water, as he sees Rachel planning another attack out of the corner of his eye.

”Bitch, you didn’t really expect any romance with these wildlings around,” Jose laughs.

”You said bitch!” Jonathan points out. Brock laughs, Jose groans, picks Jonathan up and throws him back into the water to shut him up.

*******

”I think I’m dead. My arms don’t work anymore… fucking kids,” Jose groans and falls onto the couch beside Brock. They’ve both taken a shower, changed into their pjs and brushed their teeth already, even thought it’s only half past nine.

”You started throwing them around in the water,” Brock laughs, but feels just as exhausted. His nieces and nephews might not weigh much at first, but after throwing and carrying them around all afternoon, he knows he’s in for some serious pain the next day. It’s already starting in his arms and legs.

”The workout of horror, brought to you by yours truly,” Jose smiles and snuggles up to Brock, places his head on his shoulder.

”At least we don’t have to cook tonight.”

”Mmmh, but we have to let the cats out of the bathroom. We been putting it off all day.”

”We’ve not been putting it off,” Brock laughs, ”we’ve been too distracted having sex before we left for the lake.”

”Same shit,” Jose shrugs. ”You gonna open the chamber of secrets?”

”Huh?” Brock can’t follow. Is that a sexual reference or what does Jose mean?

”You gonna open the bathroom door?” he clarifies and rolls his eyes.

”Another movie reference ?”

”Book, movie… it’s Harry Potter, even you chickahead should've heard about it!”

”Oh, I’ve heard about it, I just haven’t read it or watched it. Magic is considered the devil’s work at church and the priest warned us about these books,” he remembers.

”Sticking your dick inside of me is evil too, I guess, so reading about magic won’t make it much worse. We watching the movies when we back in L.A.” Jose decides and makes Brock chuckle with his crass wording.

”Ok,” Brock agrees and kisses Jose’s forehead. Then he groans, trying to get up. ”Gonna get the cats now. Thackery’s still on the kitchen chair?”

”Mmh, should be.” Jose doesn’t even move his head. His slumped on the couch like a rag doll.

Brock opens the door, comes back and pulls Jose back in his arms, his chin resting on top of Jose’s head as they both watch the bathroom door, waiting for the cats to come out.

Apollo is first, walking out like he owns the apartment. He keeps sniffing everything, his tail straight up in the air. Henry is a bit more cautious and slowly follows him.

Thackery watches them until they cross the line between the living room area and the kitchen; that’s when he jumps off his chair. He’s just sitting there on the ground, still watching. Surprisingly, it’s Henry who approaches him, ears back, tail whipping from side to side.

”Oh, it’s about to go down,” Jose comments.

In slow motion Henry raises his paw and advances it in Thackery’s direction. Thackery doesn’t move, but then he hisses and Henry jumps back and runs off to hide underneath the couch table. ”Your cat’s a sissy,” Jose huffs and Brock laughs.

”Still one left,” he points to Apollo, who slowly walks towards Thackery. Next there’s a ton of meowing and hissing, some attempted fight moves until Thackery has had it: He pounces on Apollo, whacks him in the face a couple of times and as quick as it's started, it’s over. Apollo is lying flat on the ground, has given in. After a moment and with one last side glance Thackery prances away,lies down on the sofa and starts cleaning himself.

”That’s my man!” Jose exclaims happily. ”Got them moves from me, bitch! All you little redneck suckers.” Jose celebrates his cat’s victory and Brock laughs about his excitement.

”It’s not a competition who got the best fighting cat.”

”You just saying that 'cause Thacks showed them who’s boss!” Jose laughs.

”You get into fights?” Brock asks Jose because he’s curious.

”No… not really… maybe… sometimes,” Jose admits reluctantly and buries his face in Brock’s shoulder.

”Why?”

”Usually there’s a guy involved who’s cheating or fucking me over some other way and some booze.”

”You’re the jealous type?” Brock combs his fingers through Jose’s hair.

”Uh-huh, can’t help it… I’m Puerto Rican.”

”That’s an excuse, not an explanation,” Brock points out, but smiles. He knows already that Jose is very passionate about the things and people he cares about.

”It ain’t no…” Jose looks up and stops when he sees the smile on Brock’s face. ”Asshole.” Brock kisses him for a moment and holds him close.

”I won’t give you any reason to be jealous. I’d be completely mad to cheat on you. I’ve never met anyone like you.”

”No big deal in a town of 200 people,” Jose chuckles against his chest.

”378, please,” Brock playfully corrects him and plays with his hair again. ”Hey, papi? Can I ask you something?”

”What?” Jose leans up so he can get a better look at him.

”Why did you dye half ofyour hair blonde?” Brock wanted to ask him since he got here, but it never came up.

”We did a video shoot with a Cruella de Ville theme and I didn’t wanna wear a wig, so I had them just cut and bleach my hair the way they needed. Once we back in L.A. Imma shave it off anyway ‘cause it’s getting too long. It’s been nearly three weeks since I got my hair done.”

”Three weeks? You know when mine was last cut?” Brock guffaws.

”No, but I can tell that whoever did it had no idea what the fuck they were doing,” Jose says after pulling on his curls.

”I’m gonna tell Ada you said this, you little shit!” Brock laughs.

”No, you not!” Jose protests and they playfully wrestle on the couch for a bit. ”Stop, I’m too tired.” Jose complains and snuggles back up to Brock.

”Bed?”

”Carry me?”

”No,” Brock shakes his head.

”Pleaaaase, babe,” Jose pouts. ”My legs hurt from playing with _your_ nieces and nephews.”

”What do I get if I carry you?”

”You such a shady mother….” Brock places his hand on Jose’s mouth.

”Think before you speak, papi, or you definitely walking.”

”Hmpf… a kiss?” Brock wants to tease him a bit more, but the cute expression on Jose’s face is disarming and he can’t play hard to get any longer.

”Deal.” He gets up, then lifts Jose in his arms. ”God, you’re heavier than you look,” he teases him and earns himself a slap to the chest. In the bedroom he throws him on the bed, making him scream in surprise.

”You bitch!” Jose hollers and throws his pillow at him, but Brock catches it.

”You owe me a kiss,” Brock laughs as he crawls onto the bed and kneels over Jose.

”Mmh…” The kiss Jose gives him is surprisingly gentle. All Brock wants to do now is cuddle him and hold him close again.”It ok if we not having sex tonight? I’m exhausted.” Jose is uncharacteristically shy.

”Of course, papi.” Brock rolls into his side of the bed and lies down.

”It’s not ‘cause I don’t want you or nothing, you know, I’m just…” Brock stops his rambling with a kiss and pulls him close once more.

”Jo, absolutely no explanation needed. And I’m beat, too, you know?”

”We have all day tomorrow to go crazy and boink everywhere as a goodbye to the apartment,” Jose smirks.

”If we both feel like it.”

”You gonna hold me anyway?” The way he asks, makes Brock wonder what kind of assholes his last boyfriends were.

”Yes, if you want me to.”

”I always want you to.”

”Dully noted,” Brock places another kiss on Jose’s forehead, then turns off the lights and closes his eyes.

*******

”Ok, the cats are in the car, your shit as well… I think we done,” Jose announces and closes the door behind Thackery, who’s the only cat allowed to walk free in the car.

Brock knows what that means and looks over to where his family is waiting. Suddenly, the only thing he feels is sadness and heartache. He doesn’t really know when he will see them all again and he’s never been away from them for longer than a couple of weeks.

”Can we do this quick, so I won’t be a sobbing mess?” he asks them, his voice already breaking.

”I gotcha, babe,” Jose tells him quietly and places a hand on his back as they make their way to the goodbye committee that’s waiting at the parking space of the dance studio.

”Bye, little brother,” Ada says and opens her arms. They hug each other for a long time. ”You finally gonna get the life you deserve. Enjoy it! Be happy. And you’re welcome anytime. I expect at least a call every week.”

”Promise,” Brock is overcome by tears just as much as Ada.

”Bye, Brock,” Dan, who has shown up with his kids to Brock’s biggest surprise, says and gives him a hug and a couple of pats on the back.

”Thanks for being here, Dan. It means a lot.”

”I don’t have to understand or approve what you do, but you still my baby brother.”

”You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that,” Brock has to give him another hug. Then he kneels down and opens his arms for Dan’s kids. ”Come here you three.” They hug him tightly. ”I’m gonna miss you. You be good, ok?”

”We always good, uncle Brock,” Mariah assures him.

”Miss you too,” Luke says and wraps his little arms tighter around Brock’s neck.

”Come on, buddy, uncle Brock needs to say goodbye to the others, too,” Dan places his hand on his son’s back and then picks him up. Brock walks the few feet over to Jose, who is saying goodbye to Ada. He lifts Ruthie up first and holds her close.

”Keep an eye on your little brothers, ok?”

”Ok,” she whispers back, always the brave and wild one of the bunch. Her little siblings are hugging him as well, but he knows the hard part has yet to come. ”Bye Jonathan.”

”Bye. Can you give me a fist bump and a high five like Vanjie?” he asks excitedly and Brock does so with a smile.

And then there is Rachel. She has been pretty much crying since she got here, sticking to Brock’s or Vanjie’s side whenever possible. ”Come here,” he simply says and hugs her tightly.

”I’m gonna miss you so much,” she cries into his neck.

”We gonna call and text and you can come and visit us during school break, ok?”

”But who am I gonna talk to when school sucks or my brothers and sister annoy me or I did real good at dance?”

”Then you call me. I still want to hear about all of that.” He assures her.

”And me too.” Jose comes and hugs them both from behind. Feeling Jose’s warmth agains his back gives him the strength to console Rachel without losing it completely.

”We stay best friends?”

”Of course,” he nods and places a kiss on her cheek. ”Who else am I going to complain about this guy, huh?” he points in Jose’s direction.

”Hey!” Jose shrieks and slaps him with the hat he is wearing, making everyone laugh. ”That what I get for being a real supportive boyfriend? I even got you two suckers this,” Jose huffs and when Brock turns around Jose is holding two bracelets, a smaller one in gold for Rachel and a bigger one in silver for Brock. Both have ”Best friends” inscribed.

”Where did you get this?” Brock’s mouth hangs open in shock. He was with Jose all day yesterday and the days before. There is no way he bought this anywhere around town.

”I have my ways,” he smirks. One second, Brock is feeling so sad he can only cry, and he next he is overcome with love for his man.

”I love you,” bursts out of Brock, before he cups Jose's cheeks and kisses him deeply.

”Here,” Jose beams when he hands Brock the bracelets. ”You better put it on her.”That’s what Brock does and Rachel insists on putting on his bracelet.

”Ok, everyone, let’s go, before we all keep crying. I cannot watch them drive away,” Ada announces and hugs Jose quickly again, before herding her kids and the other family members off to their cars. They all wave as they drive away, leaving Brock and Jose with Jason.

”I’m gonna go, too. Glad you liked the bracelets,” Jason winks at Brock and gives him a hug ”See you in L.A., prima,” he tells Jose when he hugs him as well.

”Bye, you babbling traitor. Could have let him roast and toast for a bit longer,” Jose grumbles as he hugs his friend goodbye. Jason just laughs and then walks back inside.

”Speaking of toast: Did you get the food basket from the fridge that Ada gave us?” Brock remembers.

”Ah, no, shit. I forgot when I got Thacks,” Jose admits.

”I’ll get it,” Brock decides, because he still holds the keys and hurries up the stairs again. He locks the apartment after he got the basket and places the key on Jason’s door mat.

When he steps back outside into the heat and his eyes have adjusted to the bright light, he nearly drops the basket.

His father is standing next to Jose’s car.

Brock hurries over, his eyes going back and forth between Jose and his dad, making sure that he’s ok and that his father is not hurting him.

”What are you doing here?” he asks and steps between them, shielding Jose with his body.

”Babe, it’s ok,” Jose’s soft voice comes from behind and he feels his hands give his a squeeze before he takes the basket from him.

”Ada told your mother you’re leaving today,” his father says and by the tone of his voice Brock can tell that for once he’s not drunk. He looks tired and small somehow, leaning on his cane in the heat. He’s not even wearing his usual hat.

”Yes. You threw me out of the house. What did you think would happen?”

”Look…I… Ya might not believe me, but I always just wanted the best for all of ya. And you… you’ve always been different. I know you disagree but I tried to change ya, so you could be happy. This town and this life and god…there’s no place for any of this.” He gestures to Jose, who is standing beside Brock now, holding his hand. ”And I failed…”

”I’ve been unhappy my whole life because you made me feel like shit every day. You insulted me and beat me. I was fucking terrified of you my whole life. You're a fucking joke as a father.” Brock finally gets the chance to tell him.

”I…it’s good you’re getting out of here where you can be who you are. I don’t believe in it and I still believe it’s wrong and a sin, but…if that’s what you want… I just wanted to tell you that I wish… I hope you’re gonna be ok.” His father looks down and Brock can feel Jose squeeze his hand tightly. ”Your ma… she needs some time, but… It’s a lot for her, after everything with me and… I… I need to drink less. It’s not gonna help, it’s too late for that. I wish… things would have been different… maybe, if I’d been as courageous as you are.” The words are mumbled, but to Brock they are crystal clear. Suddenly his whole world is upside down once again.

”Oh my god…” he whispers and by the way Jose looks at him, he knows he picked up on it even sooner during his father’s speech. There are so many questions he has and wants to ask, but he’s not sure how much this tentative peace can take.

”I… I should go. Call your mother sometimes,” his father says, eyes still on the ground. "And… I'm sorry for, ya know…"

Brock feels himself tearing up. ”Can I give you a hug?” He’s never felt the need to hug his father, not even as a child because he’s always feared him. But now he does. His father’s nod is barely there. It feels really weird to hug him, but it also feels good, even though it only lasts a couple of seconds before he steps back.

”Bye Mr. Hytes,” Jose says and holds out his hand.

”Drive safely,” he replies and actually shakes Jose's hand, which feels even more monumental to Brock than this whole talk.

”Ready?” Jose asks him. ”Or you wanna stay?”

”No, I’m ready.” Brock is even more sure than ever before. They both get into the car and drive off, Brock’s father standing in front of the studio, leaning on his cane.

*******

”You think your mom knows? About your dad?” Jose breaks the silence in the car after about half an hour. Brock is still so surprised by the turn of events he’s just looking out the window and pets Thackery, who's snoozing in his lap. If anyone had told him before, that this was even a possibility, he would have laughed at them. Even his father talking to him like a normal person would have seemed too far fetched. He’d always knows his father had a different side from his mother’s tales about their past and even from the odd story Ada and Dan had told him aboutquality time they had spent with their father. Just, Brock had never had these moments. To him his father had always been extra tough, extra rude and beat him more than the others. He thought he hated him, but now… it’s a hard thing to wrap his head around.

”I don’t know.” He shakes his head.

”You gonna tell Ada?”

”I don’t know.”

”Or you think she already knows?”

”No idea.”

”Your family sure knows how to surprise the shit out of me,” Jose continues. ”First I find you cute little shit in this fucked up town and you turn out to be gay and are into me. Then you come out, your sister’s ok with it all, your brother comes around and now your dad…. Holy shit! What’s next? Your brother’s a drag queen? Your sister in law will become a butch lesbian?”

”Honestly, at this point I can’t even tell,” Brock admits. ”I just… I’ve always felt so trapped, but I also knew there were places I could go and be myself. I knew, I could come out and move away and I always had doubts about the shit we were told at church. But… I can’t imagine believing all of that, carrying that guilt and fear with me, then getting married to a woman, having kids, staying in the same town and hating myself every day because of who I am. And then my son turns out to be gay,too. He must’ve been terrified.”

”Explains the alcohol. You think he's real gay? Or bi?"

Brock shrugs. He has no clue. ”How did you know? About my dad? You didn’t look surprised.”

”I didn’t know.”

”Jo…”

”I had a feeling, ok? When you told me about you coming out to your parents and all the stuff they said and shit, like… I thought it was fucked up, but something was off. And when he showed up and didn’t wanna shoot me…I was just scared you’d stay and send my ass home alone.”

”Let you go?” Brock shakes his head. ”Forget it. You’re crazy.”

”I’m gonna drive for a couple of hours and then we can either stop and look for a motel or we change and you drive?” Jose abruptly changes the topic.

”Ok,” Brock agrees and then takes Jose’s free hand in his. ”I’m not going back, you hear me? You’re the one who came and saved me from this town and myself and I’m not letting you go, ok? I really love you.” He pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand.

”I love you too,” Jose looks at him for a second with a smile on his face, before he concentrates back on the road. For a while there is silence once again, only Thackery’s purring audible.

”Hey papi?”

”Yeah?”

”Can you turn the AC a bit higher? It’s so hot in here,” Brock requests.

”Sure, boo. I know I’m hot as fuck and making ya sweat,” his usual sass is back and they both laugh, then tease each other playfully before they turn on some music and Jose starts teaching Brock the lyrics to all the important songs he needs to know to run with the cool kids in L.A. They sing along, totally off-key and way too loud.

Brock’s driving towards a new life with Jose and he's happy.

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let's end this, huh?  
> I know an epilogue is supposed to be kind of short, but you know me... I don't do short chapters.

**Epilogue**

Brock quickly shuts off his alarm, hopeful that for once he’ll manage and let Jose sleep. The groan coming from the other side of the bed just a moment later lets him know he’s failed though.

”What time is it?” Jose mumbles and turns on his side, facing Brock.

”Early. Go back to sleep, babe.” He kisses him softly and rubs his back for a moment and then gets out of bed. His clothes are already waiting for him in the bathroom. Like always he takes a quick shower and gets dressed. By the time he is done, Jose is sleeping again und like he usually does, he takes a second to look at him and memorizes the scene. He’s probably the only person in the world right now who gets to see this loud and boisterous human being, be so still and quiet as he snoozes away.

Brock’s right on time when he leaves the house, walks into his favorite coffee shop to get himself breakfast and meets one of his classmates a few blocks down the street.

He’s still surprised that nearly half of his class are his age or older, because at first he’d been scared that he’d be so much older than the rest of the students. It’s a very eclectic group of people from all kinds of backgrounds race and age, who simply all have their love for photography in common. He loves this school and his classmates and it’s so much different from the first time he went to college.

He’s done in the afternoon and has dinner with his friends on campus. Brock stops by Whole Foods to get the groceries for dinner and grabs some lunch for Jose as well. After dropping off the groceries at home, he ubers to the studio, because it’s too far to walk.

”Lunch break,” Brock announces when he walks into the dance studio, where Jose is just explaining something to the dancers.

”Finally, you’re late today, mate! I thought he’d never give us a break,” Tony, one of the dancers Jose usually works with, complains in good humour.

”Get outta here, asshole, before I fire you,” Jose yells and everyone just laughs. They all leave anyway to get some lunch as well.

”You not late, boo. You’re right on time,” Jose tells him and pecks his lips quickly, but stays away from him.

”I’m a bit late. The first uber was cancelled by the driver because he apparently got a better offer.” Brock wraps his arms around Jose’s waist and pulls him close.

”I’m all sweaty,” he protests

”I don’t care.” Another conversation that feels like they’ve had thousands of times before. This is probably the only moment they get to themselves all day and Brock just needs to kiss him. So he does. They end up making out with Jose pressed up shirtless against the mirror wall. Jose’s growling stomach stops them from going further.

”Probably for the best. If they catch us fucking in here, these hos will never let me live it down,” Jose laughs, grabs the food container Brock brought him and sits down on the floor.

”I’m still traumatised from when your mom walked in on us.”

Jose chuckles. ”She didn’t see nothing, ‘cause she was clever enough to wait in the kitchen until we were done.”

”She heard us! That’s bad enough,” Brock feels his face heat just remembering the scene.

”You just embarrassed ‘cause you was taking the D that day and then you always extra loud. And it her own fault for just walking into our house. Who does that?” Jose really finds this funny.

”Your mother, apparently.”

”She’s not done it again.” Jose digs into his food with a chuckle. ”You working tonight?” he asks after swallowing.

”Yeah, one of the drag race girls is gonna be at Mickys WeHo and they asked me to take some pictures.”

”Cool. Who is it? Someone we know?”

”I don’t think so, but you know I always get confused with their boy names and drag names.”

”Silky’s still not over you calling them ‘Reggie’ all the time when they in drag.”

”That’s how he introduced himself. How was I supposed to know he’s feeling his full female fantasy as soon as he has some lipgloss on?”

”You around them drag hos more than me now, you should know,” Jose chuckles. ”So, who is it?”

”Uhh…” he quickly checks his phone. ”Kameron something.”

”Michaels?”

”I think so.”

”The body builder barbie. He good.”

”So you know him?”

”Yeah,” Jose nods and swallows again before he speaks. ”He the boyfriend of Asia.”

”Asia?”

”Ant!”

”Aaah, ok,” now Brock knows who he’s talking about.

”Tell him I say hi.”

”He’s as dramatic as Ant?” He needs to ask, because the one time he’s worked for Asia, the other man had a melt down over the glitter on his face being the wrong color.

”Nah, he’s pretty chill. A bit quiet at first, that why people say he’s arrogant or some shit, but he just real shy, ya know?” Jose’s done with his food and hands his left-overs to Brock. Another ritual they’ve established.

”You gonna be home tonight for dinner?” Brock has no problem talking with his mouth full, which makes Jose roll his eyes.

”Probably not. They sent us a new cut of the song today and the whole middle part doesn’t fit with the beat anymore. We have to change it all.”

”I’ll leave dinner in the fridge then.”

”We still on for tomorrow? Free day at the beach and all that?” Jose asks and leans his head against Brock’s shoulder.

”Yes, absolutely. We need some alone time before you leave for the shoot next week.”

”I already miss you,” Jose sighs. Brock places the food on the ground and wraps his arms around his boyfriend.

”It always sucks when you’re gone, but it’s just another month until we leave for Hawaii.” They’ve booked a vacation and Brock can’t wait. The first vacation in his life, his first flight, his first trip with his boyfriend.

”I know,” Jose’s lips ghost against Brock’s neck and then he sits back up. ”They all gonna be back in a sec’. See you tomorrow?”

”See you tomorrow,” Brock confirms and pecks Jose’s lips a couple of times. He grabs the trash to take it with him and leaves just as the dancers get back.

Back at home he has time to clean up around the house, do his homework and take care of the cats. He heads to his therapist’s office for his weekly session and when he gets back home, he cooks dinner, even though he hates eating alone and then gets ready to go to work.

It had been Jose’s idea that he could take pictures of the dancers and from there he started to take pictures at the clubs, then of drag queens and now he has a pretty steady group of clients, who always book him when they need photos of themselves or the queens at the clubs.

It’s exhausting being up early to go to school and then work in the clubs at night, but Brock is used to hard work and long hours.

When he gets back home, Jose is already in bed, snuggling Thackery, while Apollo and Henry are spread out on his side of the bed. They run off when he comes in, they know he doesn’t want them on the bed and even Thackery follows them after Brock has given him some attention.

Jose senses his presence and seeks his warmth. He’s just shut off the light when Jose’s suddenly lying half on top of him, fast asleep.

”Night papi,” Brock whispers, kisses his forehead and smiles when he remembers that they are both having tomorrow off.

*******

It’s late and all Brock wants to do is go home, but he still has to show the pictures he took to the dancers of the ‘Papi Boy Friday’.

Usually Jose comes with him on these Fridays, but his flight back got delayed and Brock is lucky if he’ll be home by the time he’s done here. Jose has been gone for a week and Brock misses him like crazy.

”I’m the last one?” Tyler, one of the dancers, asks and slides into the seat next to him.

”Yes, looks like it.” Brock confirms and turns his laptop so Tyler can see the pictures.

”Ok, that one’s a no. Look at my face,” the dancer laughs and touches his arm quickly.

”It’s not that bad. I like the lighting,” Brock says and points it out to him on the screen.

”You got a similar one?” Tyler leans closer and steadies himself with a hand on Brock’s shoulder.

”Yeah, this one. You like it better?”

”Yeah. I love it,” Tyler smiles and nudges Brock with his shoulder. ”We take that one definitely,” he decides with a wink.

”Your wish is my command,” Brock jokes and quickly saves the picture into the according folder. They quickly look through the other pictures and pick a couple more.

”You gonna stay for another beer?” Tyler asks him when they are done.

”Nah, I really wanna go home. I’m beat.”

”Oh come on! It’s been a while since we hung out.”

”Fine,” Brock sighs and checks his phone for the time, calculates quickly if Jose could be home by now.

”Here,” Tyler comes back and hands him a bottle. They clink their bottles together and each takes a sip. ”Where’s your boyfriend?”

”Shooting again. He wanted to be back this morning, but his flight got delayed.”

”So you’re single tonight?” Tyler smiles and steps a bit closer to him. A bit too close for Brock’s liking, bit Tyler has never had any sense of personal space.

”Huh?” Brock doesn’t quite understand the question though. Why would he be single just because Jose is…?

Suddenly he is pushed aside as someone slams into him from the side.

”Get your fucking hands off my man,” It’s loud, it’s aggressive, it’s followed by a glass of vodka something being thrown into Tyler’s face; It’s Jose.

”Jo?” Brock can’t believe that he’s here. He’s happy and surprised, but even more so, he is confused by his boyfriend’s behaviour. ”What are you doing here?” he asks, but doesn’t get an answer to his question because Tyler throws the first punch and Jose sees red. The bottles, his laptop and phone crash to the ground as Jose tackles the dancer onto the table and hits him right in the face.

”Imma end you!” he screams and lands another blow.

”Jose, stop!” Brock grabs him from behind and pulls him off. Tyler wants to come after him again, but is held back but two other dancers who have hurried over. Jose struggles against Brock’s hold, but he drags him through the nearly empty club and out into an alley way, all the while Jose is still cussing and swearing and threatening Tyler. ”Stop! God damnit! Calm down. What the hell are you doing?” Brock yells and pins him against the wall by his shoulders, so he can look in his face. He has a wound on his forehead, but his eyes are black with rage.

”Imma kill this motherfucking bitch! No one touches my man. No one!” he screams. They’ve been together for six months and Brock has seen Jose angry, he’s seen him get into fights a couple of times, but he’s never seen him lose it like this.

”He wasn’t touching me. What are you talking about?” he asks, truly confused.

”He wasn’t touching you? Bitch! You lying now? That what’s going on here? I be gone for one week and you hooking up with this dancer ho?” Now Jose’s anger is directed at him.

”I’m not hooking up with anyone. You’re completely delusional. And stop pushing me!” Brock yells back, when Jose starts pushing at his chest, hurting him.

The door opens and one of the bouncers comes out, holding Brock’s laptop bag, camera and cellphone.

”Brock, these are yours, right?” he asks and Brock nods. ”You need some help?”

”No, we’re going home now. Thank you, André.” He takes his things from him and keeps Jose in place with one hand on his shoulder.

”You can go wherever the fuck you want, but you not telling me what to do!” Jose is yelling again as soon as they’re alone.

”Will you just shut up and calm down? I’m not discussing this with you in a dirty alley way at 4 am in the morning! I’m going home now and you’re coming and if I have to drag you there.” He yells back. Dragging isn’t necessary, because Jose follows him the three blocks back to their house. The door slams shut behind them and Brock knows that Jose has obviously not calmed down yet. With a heavy sigh he puts his photo bag down and walks upstairs.

”Where you going? Take a shower to wash him off you? Grab your clothes and leave?” Jose follows him, still yelling. ”You said you no cheater! You said you fucking loyal! You a liar!”

Brock takes a deep breath to not lose his cool completely and grabs the first aid kit from underneath the sink. ”Sit down on the bed. You’re bleeding,” he orders, his voice icy because of all the hurt and anger he feels.

Jose sits down and while Brock cleans his wound and wipes the blood away, he can see the anger draining out of Jose. It’s like he’s deflating, becoming smaller in front of his eyes. When he puts the bandaid on his forehead, Jose speaks again.

”How long’s this been going on? You and him?” Jose asks and his eyes are full of tears.

”There's nothing going on with me and him or anyone else. Why the fuck do you even think that?”

”‘Cause I get here and want to surprise you and all I see is him flirting with you, touching you the whole time and you smiling back.”

”He was not flirting with me.”

”He was fucking all over you and wants to fuck you. What’d you think it means when he saying ‘You single tonight’?” Jose gets louder again.

”I… I don’t know. I didn’t think about it too much. I know Tyler… hell, you know Tyler. He just wanted to hang out, that’s all.”

”You so fucking thick. He flirts with you every damn time and you never say nothing! Every fucking ho in this place has their hands on you all the time. You always smiling and flirting.. You leading them hos on, even when I’m standing right next you. What the fuck is going on when I’m not there? Tyler wanting to fuck you, that’s what and you just letting him.”

”No one is flirting with me! And I’m not flirting back. I work there, Jo, I’m just friendly and I get along with everyone. But you just had to come in tonight and ruin it by attacking one of the dancers. You’re out of control!”

”No, you out of control! If I’d known you transform from country boy to party toy in six months, I’d have left your ass back in Texas, so you’d keep it in your pants. You not the same.”

”No, I’m not! I’m not depressed anymore all the time, I’m not scared anymore, I’m not dependent on you anymore and I have a couple tattoos more. If you want someone who’s always following you around and depending on you, I propose you get a puppy and not a boyfriend,” Brock yells back, because he’s had it. Jose is absolutely impossible and has gone way too far.

”Brock!” Jose calls after him when he leaves the bedroom and slams the door behind him, but he doesn’t stop. He needs a moment to calm down. He grabs his phone and his keys and leaves.

For a while he just walks around the block, until he finds a gas station that’s still open and buys himself a cup of coffee with the last couple of dollars he has in his pockets. When he feels calmer, he walks back home.

He finds Jose sitting in the living room, a blanket thrown over his shoulders. His face is blotchy, swollen and wet, his eyes are red from crying and the sight breaks Brock’s heart.

”You came back.” It’s barely above a whisper and Brock realises that his boyfriend really thought that he was gone for good.

Brock wraps his arms around him and holds him, because he needs the embrace as much as Jose does. ”Of course I came back. I just needed a moment to calm down.”

”I thought you went to him.” Jose sniffs against his shoulder where he hides his face.

Brock cups his face and makes him look at him. ”Jose, there is nothing going on with Tyler or anyone else. I’ve never cheated on you.” Brock tells him again and looks him in the eyes. ”Do you believe me?”

It takes a moment, but finally Jose nods. ”I believe you.” Brock wipes the tears and the snot off his face, pecks his lips and holds him close again.

”I love you, papi, but we can’t continue like this.”

Jose pushes back and his eyes are wide with shock. ”What do you mean? You breaking up with me?”

”No, I’m not,” Brock pulls him back into his arms. ”But I can’t have you flying off in a jealous rage all the time. You have to trust me. And the fights you get into, the breaking things when you’re angry… you need some anger management classes, babe. And maybe some therapy, too.”

”You’re not leaving me?”

”I don’t want to leave you, Jose. I love you. But… we both need to put the work in, because we both have issues. And I can’t fix yours. I don’t know how to convince you that I’m being faithful and I’m not interested in anyone else. You believe me now, but the next guy who so much as looks my way and we’ll be back right here. I take pictures of drag queens in gay clubs. People will touch me and flirt with me, it’s part of the game, even if I don’t get it most of the time and think they’re just friendly. But I need you to trust me. And if you can’t, then we need to get help. I told you before, but I will not get beat up by anyone again, not even by you.”

”I’ve never hurt you,” Jose points out with another sniff.

”I know and I’d like for it to stay that way.” He runs his fingers through Jose’s sweaty hair. The grief and pain he must feel really affects him physically. ”Babe, if you ever hit me, that’s something I wouldn’t be able to forgive, just like cheating.”

”It on the no-go list,” Jose nods and sits up.

”Definitely.”

”Ok… your therapist, he doing the anger shit, too?” Jose seems embarrassed to even ask the question.

”I don’t know, but I can ask him. If he’s not offering it, maybe he can recommend someone.” Brock gives him an encouraging smile. ”But he could definitely help us with your jealousy.”

”And yours!”

”And mine,” Brock chuckles, because he knows Jose is right. He might not go around and beat people up, but he’s definitely been jealous and has frozen Jose out because of it.

It’s Jose who initiates the kiss that seals their deal, but it’s Brock who breaks it when he sees Jose’s hand. ”Papi, what happened to your hand? That from the fight?” Brock wonders when he sees the swollen knuckles and cuts on his boyfriend’s right hand.

”No,” Jose looks like a deer in headlights. ”I might’ve smashed the bathroom mirror and punched the wall,” comes the hesitant explanation.

”You’re an idiot, Jose,” Brock rolls his eyes, but he isn’t really angry. There’s no point in it, when they’ve already agreed to take the necessary steps to prevent this from happening again.

”But you love me anyway.” It’s a statement, not a question and Brock is glad to hear it.

”True. Guess, we’re both idiots. Let’s go upstairs so I can bandage your hand and clean up the mess you no doubt left in the bathroom.” He gets up and wraps his arm around Jose’s shoulder as they leave the living-room.

”And we still have to make up.”

”Didn’t we just do that?”

”Bitch, if you think we just going to sleep after being apart for a week and then nearly breaking up, you wrong! I expect to be dicked down till the sun comes up!” Jose huffs and Brock tries to hide his smile.

”So for another twenty minutes?” he teases after checking the time.

”Asshole!” Jose grumps before they both start laughing.

*******

”James Dean?” The familiar nickname never fails to make Brock chuckle.

”Kitchen, J.Lo,” he calls and turns around to see Jose’s mother walking in, carrying large paper bags. ”Hey,” she greets him and hands him one of the bags, after he kissed her cheek hello.

”Hey. What’s all of this?” he asks and peeks into the brown bag.

”Just some groceries and food and drinks. You two never have anything at home and the kid needs to eat,” she shrugs and starts unpacking. ”There’s three more in the car.”

”Hint taken, I’ll get them,” he laughs, grabs her car keys and walks out to get the rest of the groceries. ”You know that Rachel’s only staying for two weeks, not two years, right?” he teases her when he gets back.

”Oh shut up,” she rolls her eyes and reminds him so much of her son at that moment. ”You heard anything yet?”

”Yes, Jo texted that they started boarding on time, so they should be here in three hours.”

”It’s good that Jose could stop in Houston and pick Rachel up. She’s too young to fly on her own.”

”Yeah, I think she got scared by her own bravado. At first she was all ‘I am not a baby anymore, I can fly on my own’, but she’s never even been to an airport. She wouldn’t have known where to go or what to do. I was overwhelmed by it all when we went to Hawaii, even though Jose was with me the whole time.”

”You gonna pick’em up?”

”Of course. I have to show Jose my new car,” Brock beams.

”Oh, he’s not seen it yet?”

”He was there when I bought it, but it took two months for them to deliver it, so he’s not seen it yet.”

”Ah, right. You should be very proud, you know. Making so much money with your photos and working so hard that you can buy a new car.” Anabel starts checking the things in their fridge, throwing away what she deems inedible, while storing the rest of the things she brought.

”I couldn’t have done it without Jose and his help. I had nothing when I came here, no money, no job… he was fully sponsoring me for the first three months, before I could start paying for my own stuff. And now I can even pay him back.” He feels so incredibly happy and proud. The first time he'd been able to buy Jose a present, a new watch, he'd burst into tears when he'd given it to him.

”You had therapy, that's more important than making money. We were all worried about you, you know. When Ada called and Jose wasn’t sure, if he should go and get you. I told him, I said ‘Son, if you not going and Brock's hurting himself or starts drinking like his dad, you not gonna forgive yourself’.”

”That all seems so far away now. I feel so different. Have I told you, I was even able to go off the anti-depressants a couple of weeks ago?”

”See, so proud of you, mijo,” she kisses his cheek again. ”And you got my stubborn idiot to finally stop acting like a teenager who gets into fights all the time. I really thought one day the cops gonna call me and I have to bail him outta jail.”

”He’s still a hothead, but he’s got himself under control now,” Brock laughs, remembering Jose’s last angry rant, when he had walked up to his punching bag in the spare room every couple of minutess, to let his frustration out. ”Most of the time.”

”Have you heard from your parents?”

”Not really. My mom talks to me when I call, but it’s all… the weather, what the priest said at church, bit of gossip about the people in town and what the animals are doing at the farm. The most I get out of her, is when she got into another fight with Lilly about how things are done.”

”And your dad? Still nothing?”

”He hasn’t talked to me since we left and I can’t really ask my mother, because she doesn’t seem to know that he came to see us.” Brock hops up and sits down on the counter.

”He still drinking?”

”Judging by what Ada says nothing’s changed. He's still an absolute asshole to everyone.”

”Is there like a therapist in town he could see? I don’t think you can just stop drinking.”

”No, there’s not. If my dad wanted to really stop drinking, he’d have to check himself into a program in Dallas or Houston and he’s not going to do that.” Brock sighs. ”It’s just so frustrating, because I wanna help him, but I’m not sure he even wants help. Sometimes I feel like I dreamed the whole thing when we left.”

”Maybe he just wanted you to know…. and not change? It gets harder to change when you get old. I'm still young, but I say I’ll start working out every damn day and what do I do? Drink margaritas and chill by the pool.” Her very true assessment of her own habits makes Brock laugh.

”So, what’s the plan here? What are you gonna cook?”

”I’m not cooking nada. You can cook yourself. I just brought some things for Miss Rachel.”

”Mama Vanjie… as Jose would say ‘you full of shit’. What are you making?”

She slaps him, but laughs. ”I thought, you could Bbq some pinchos with chicken. Or shrimp for Jose. And I make some guacamole, tostones and garlic sauce, mofongo and empanadas. And I brought tres leches as dessert.”

”Jesus, how many people are we expecting? It’s just the five of us.” Brock knows her husband will join them as well.

”I talked to Silky and they will be over later. I said once Rachel’s in bed, we would make Coquito.”

”Isn’t that for Christmas only?”

”We can pretend it’s Christmas,” Anabel shrugs unimpressed and Brock guffaws.

”Fine. If Silky’s coming over so will be A’keria. Then I can also invite Dane and Ant, ‘cause they are in town… Rachel will be spending her first night in L.A. In the company of two gays, four gay drag queens and a crazy Puerto Rican woman. My dad would have a heart attack, if he knew.”

”Or, he’d like to get invited and dress up as well,” she jokes and Brock nearly falls off the counter when he imagines his dad as a drag queen. He will so go to hell for this thought.

Brock helps Anabel in the kitchen – as much as she lets him – and then leaves her alone in the house to pick up Jose and Rachel. Jose’s been gone for three weeks this time and as excited as Brock is about seeing Rachel again after nearly a year, he also can’t wait to see his boyfriend again. The romantic evening surely won’t happen now that Anabel invited half of WeHo over to their place, but Jose won’t leave again for the foreseeable future. They’ll make up for it later.

Impatiently he checks the screens again and again, but they only tell him that the plane has landed, nothing more. It’s not the first time he’s picking up Jose, so he hopes that he’s not gone to the baggage claim on his own for once. He checks the screen again.

”Uncle Brock!” He looks around and finally sees Rachel running towards him, with her backpack in hand and Jose’s neck pillow around her neck.

”Rachel!” She jumps and is in his arms a second later. ”God, you’ve gotten so big!” he points out as he still holds her.

”Are you calling me fat?” she asks in her usual sassy way and makes him laugh.

”Are you wearing make-up?” Brock narrows his eyes when he gets a good look at her face.

”Jose had them paint my nails and do my make up at the airport,” she nods excitedly and jumps down so she can show him her nails, which are painted neon yellow.

”You know your mother will kill me, if she sees you like this?” Brock raises his eyebrows.

”She just wearing some mascara, blush and lipgloss, so calm your ass down. And she won’t be home for another two weeks,” Jose shows up behind them. Brock turns around, sees his smirk and hugs him tightly.

”I missed you,” he tells him, kisses him and pecks his lips a couple more times before finally pulling back.

”Missed you, too,” Jose replies softly.

”We gonna get our bags now or you are you gonna continue making out here?” Rachel stops them, just when they lean in again.

”When did you become such a brat?” Brock asks and ruffles through her neatly combed hair, making her squeal.

”I’m not,” she protests as they start walking towards the baggage claim.

”And she shouldn’t be talking, ‘cause Miss Rachel’s in loooove,” Jose sing-songs teasingly.

”I’m not!”

”Oooh, who’s the guy?” Brock exchanges an amused look with Jose and wraps his arm around his waist.

”Why’d you think it a guy?” Jose grins.

”Ok, who’s the girl?” Brock rephrases, still teasing her.

”It’s not a girl!” Rachel protests.

”Oh, so it _is_ a guy! Who is he? Where did you meet? What does he look like? Does he know you like him?” Brock asks.

”Ok, I’ll tell ya, but you're not allowed to laugh! Best friends don’t laugh about stuff like that.” Rachel requests.

”Promise,” Brock vows and Jose hides his face in his shoulder, when he has to laugh about the spectacle.

”Ok, so…” Rachel starts her tale as they reach the baggage claim.

”You know the story already?” Brock quietly asks Jose.

”Bits and pieces. Had to keep her distracted when she nearly freaked out during take-off,” Jose whispers back and kisses him again.

”Keep an eye on the conveyor belt. I’m the best friend, I have to listen to this in detail, before she realises I’m really just her old uncle.”

”Not that old, babe,” Jose replies, wraps his arms around Brock’s waist and leans his head against his shoulder as he keeps looking for their suitcases. Brock keeps him close as he listens to his twelve year old niece babble about her first crush, kisses Jose's forehead from time to time and is happy that he has his two favorite people back in his life, both at the same time.

*******

_”Babe, stop messing with your hair. You look fine,” Brock tells him and takes Jose's hand in his to stop him from nervously fiddling with his hair again._

_”Fine? Just fine? I have to look smokin’, Imma be on camera,” Jose whispers back, now fiddling with his bow-tie with the other hand. He can’t just look fine. This is the biggest thing that has ever happened to him, well, possibly._

_”You are. You’re looking so hot!”_

_”You still like the suit? Maybe I should’ve taken the grey one?” Jose wonders._

_”No, this dark blue one is perfect. You look perfect!” Brock quickly kisses him. ”And now sit up straight, stop fidgeting and smile, ‘cause your category is next.” Jose does just that and grasps Brock’s hand with both of his. Jose knows his palms are sweaty, but he also knows Brock gets it. Dressed up to the nines, both in suits and bow-ties they are sitting at large round table, sweating underneath the large spotlight above their heads. A camera man shows up next to them, doing a close up of Jose’s face. He’s blinded by the light for a second, but tries not to grimace or squint. Instead he grips Brock’s hands even tighter._

_”And the winner of the MTV Video Award for best Choreography is….” Jose hears the blood rush in his ears and the seconds seem endless as the presenter opens the envelope. ”…. Vaaanjiiiiie for the video to ‘Hot as hell’.”_

_Jose freezes, he can’t believe it. He’s won!_

_”Oh my god, papi! Jose!” Brock hugs him so tightly he can barely breathe and kisses him – that’s when he knows it’s real. He’s won the motherfucking award!_

_Jose presses his lips to Brock’s again and then gets up. People congratulate him left and right as he makes his way up to the stage. He feels like he’s floating. On stage he accepts the award with shaky hands, smiles and pulls the little paper with his notes out, that Brock made him prepare. The letters blur in front of his eyes and he crumbles it in his hand. When he looks out into the room, he is blinded again, but then, suddenly, he manages to catch Brock’s eyes. Even from up here, he can see that his boyfriend is a very proud, crying mess. It makes him smile even wider._

_”Thank you all for this award. I'd like to thank my ma and my whole family, Miss Ada and the whole bunch, my management and all the artists who book me and all the dancers who work with me and bear with me on the regular. I can’t believe I won. It crazy, ‘cause not only did I win with my first nomination, and with the video that has my niece dancing on camera for the first time – shoutout to Miss Rachel – , but also with the choreography that means a whole lot, because it was inspired by the story of the man who means the world to me and who’s been putting up with my crazy ass for the last two years. Brock, I love you so much! This is yours as much as mine! Thank you, boo, for everything.” He holds up the award again and makes his way off the stage. There are photographers beside the stage and he has to pose for a couple of pictures. He’s allowed back during the next commercial break and hurries past everyone to get back to Brock. He gets up when he sees him and ends the talk with the person sitting next to him._

_”I’m so fucking proud of you,” Brock tells him and hugs him again._

_”Thank you. Couldn’t have done it without you.”_

_”Not true, but I take it. I love you, too!”_

_”Wanna get out of here? Celebrate in private?” Jose just wants to be alone with Brock now, away from all the people and the cameras; get out of the suits and just be them._

_”Can we do that?” Brock laughs in surprise._

_”I got the award. What are they gonna do? Take it back?”_

_”Alright, then hurry, before they start filming again,” Brock giggles, quickly grabs their phones off the table and then they hurry through the room, hand in hand, and just make it out in time, before the doors close again for shooting._

_In the uber back home they are all over each other in the backseat, Jose’s award nearly forgotten in the car when they stumble out of the car._

_”Wait, papi, wait,” Brock stops him suddenly when they are making their way through the living room towards the bedroom, Jose’s jacket, shirt and bowtie already somewhere on the floor and his belt and zipper open, while Brock's still fully dressed._

_”What? You wanted to congratulate me… preferably on your knees!” Jose says and tries once more to get Brock out of his suit jacket._

_”My phone keeps vibrating. Maybe it’s important.”_

_”Bitch, are you serious?” Jose can’t believe it. But Brock really takes his phone out and pulls him over to the couch._

_”Look, it’s from Rachel,” Brock shows him the screen._

_”That could’ve waited,” Jose tried to pretend he’s still grumpy, but he loves Rachel as much as Brock does._

_”Oh come on now! She’s so excited about your win! She even sent a video. We can’t let her wait until we're done, 'cause that’s gonna take a while.”_

_”Oh really?” the comment shoots straight to his dick. Whenever Brock’s in that intense kind of mood, things are really getting hot and heavy in the bedroom._

_”Really,” the kiss Brock gives him is as hot as the images in Jose’s head, but he has to wait and watch Rachel’s video first._

_Rachel is filming and Jason, Ada, Joe and the kids, Dan and his two eldest and even Brock’s mom are all there at the dance studio. They are watching the award show live as Rachel films the moment of the announcement. They're all silent, biting their nails, holding hands or just staring at the screen. When Jose’s win is announced they erupt in cheers and Ada bursts into tears, because she’s so happy._

_”There’s Brock,” his mother can be heard saying and points at the screen, when they are shown kissing before Jose makes his way up on stage. Jose and Brock watch their reactions to Jose’s speech in the video._

_”Congratulations Jose! Can’t wait to see you guys again in three weeks!” Rachel can be seen a moment later, now facing the camera. ”But, like, there’s something I gotta do now, 'cause I promised” she smirks into the camera and Jose knows she’s up to no good._

_Before he can even guess at what she’s up to this time, she films her family, who are just sitting there now and then walks over to where Jose knows the mirrors are in the studio. She angles the camera at the mirrors and there’s a large paper hanging down from the ceiling. In big, bold letters the poster reads ‘Marry me?’_

_”What?” Jose gasps. Suddenly Brock is kneeling next to the couch and pulls a ring box out of his suit jacket._

_”Marry me?” Brock asks him, this time in person, the cell phone turned off now. Jose stares at him. He can’t believe this._

_”You fucking bitch!” he points a finger at him as he bursts into tears. ”This is how you propose to me? When I’m looking like this?” he points to his disheveled and half-dressed state._

_Brock laughs. ”That a yes?”_

_Jose laughs and cries at the same time as he sinks down beside his man, kisses him and tackles him to the ground. They celebrate the win and their engagement right there, naked on the living room floor, with the cold air of the AC cooling their heated skin._

**The end**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you all for the amazing response to this story. I really appreciate it.


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